Saturday, December 26, 2009

Christmas Day

A Day at the Rude's for Christmas

Christmas morning, stockings were to heavy for their holders.

Sadie not sure what's going on.

The family... standing: Ryan (my son), Debbie (my sister), Norman (father-in-law)
seated: me, Sydney with Sadie. Dan (my husband) is behind the camera

Ryan and Sydney


Friday, December 25, 2009

Merry Christmas

Thank you to all my blogging friends for your prayers.

(Our tree this year, thanks to my husband for taking the picture.)
Merry Christmas !


Tuesday, December 22, 2009


I don't think, I've prayed so much as I have in the last week. My heart is heavy, a burden I thought I would never carry, again.

But I know God is good and nothing takes Him by surprise, not even today. He knows the confusion in her heart and longs to show her the way. I have prayed, pleaded and wept, asking God for a miracle.

Dear Father,
I know Your ways are far beyond mine and Your thoughts much greater then I can comprehend. I will trust You always. Knowing that only goodness comes from You. You have heard my cry and now I lay my burden at Your feet. Amen.


Friday, December 18, 2009


Isaiah 41:8 For I hold you by your right hand—
I, the Lord your God.
And I say to you,
‘Don’t be afraid. I am here to help you.


Monday, December 7, 2009

No Shadow of Shame

Psalm 34:5 Those who look to him for help will be radiant with joy;
      no shadow of shame will darken their faces.

She was sad. It was hard for her to get out all the details, as she sat across from me. Knowing that I‘d been there, seem to ease her nervousness. Yet, most of the time she avoided eye contact and when she did, they were crying for help.

Abortion has that affect on those who’ve made the “choice.” At first, we find relief when the machine is finally turned off. We are told that we can get back to life as we knew it, but when morning comes, for many of us, life stands still. Many have told me they couldn’t stop crying. They want to make up for what they have done…“If only I could go back, I’d change it all.”

When I meet with someone whose pain is consuming them, my heart cries out to the Lord “Please Father, let them feel your arms embracing them right now. Let them hear of the hope that You have waiting for them.”

After our first meeting, I’m always afraid she won’t come back. I know who’s waiting for her as she leaves the center, it’s the enemy. The one who lead her to the clinic in the first place. But I also know the One who is far greater then Satan. I’ve seen it time and time again, as the Lord takes that heart of stone and places it in His hands to soften the pain. I’ve watched Him turn tears of shame into tears of joy because of His redeeming love and I'm about to see it happen, again.

It not easy facing your abortion but once you do, your abortion becomes the face of your child and that’s when the healing takes place.


Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Lies Women Believe...

Teaching this chapter wasn’t easy, but I guess marriage can be a complicated subject when we all have our own opinions. Wait, that’s what makes it difficult… our opinions. Remember, we are talking about us, women, on this subject.

In the book Lies Women Believe and the Truth that Sets Them Free, the author has some ways of letting us know its God who created this thing called…marriage.

All quotes are in blue from the author Nancy Leigh DeMoss.

1.    I have to have a husband to be happy.
2.    It is my responsibility to change my mate.
3.    My husband is supposed to serve me.
4.    If I submit to my husband, I’ll be miserable.
5.    If my husband is passive, I’ve got to take the initiative, or nothing will get done.
6.    Sometimes divorce is a better option than staying in a bad marriage.

What took place in the Garden of Eden thousands of years ago was not only an attack on God and on two people, it was an attack on marriage. Marriage was designed by God to reflect His glory and his redemptive purpose. In undermining that sacred institution, Satan struck a forceful blow at God’s eternal plan.

When I got married at the age of 18, my first thought was that my life wouldn’t be complete without a man and my second thought, how hard can this be? I have learned that no man makes me complete. But it’s because of come to the understanding that I was created to glorify God that makes me content in my marriage.

Second thought…It is hard.

2. It Is My Responsibility To Change My Mate.
When a wife is preoccupied with trying to correct her husband’s faults and flaws, she is taking responsibility God never intended her to have, and she will likely end up frustrated and resentful toward her husband and perhaps even toward God. She may also limit God from doing what he wants to do in changing her husband.

It is God who wants full control over our husbands. Our constant “reminders” will shut down our husbands’ heart, even to the point of not being willing to hear God.  It’s our responsibility to respect our husbands even when we think they don’t deserve it.

3. My Husband is Suppose to Serve Me.
The Truth is that God did not make the man to be a “helper” to the woman. He made them to be a “helper” to the man.

Genesis 2:18 The LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him."

I like to use myself as an example but I know that my husband reads my blog from time to time (smile) so I think my mom would be a better fit.  Mom was not what you would call the “politically correct wife”. She loved being the helper and it showed. She would be right next to dad stacking wood for the winter or getting up at 3:30 in the morning to cook breakfast for the hunters, all fourteen of them, at deer season.
She even worked outside the home for a short while and never complained that dad didn’t help with supper. Fulfilling her role as the “helper” was honoring God. I didn’t know it at the time, but there was truth of who Jesus was by watching her.

4. If I Submit to My Husband, I’ll Be Miserable.
The struggle with submission is not unique to women of our day. In fact, that was the essence of the issue Eve faced back in the Garden of Eden. At the heart of the Serpent’s approach to Eve was this challenge: Does God have the right to rule your life? Satan said, in effect, “You can run your own life; you don’t have to submit to anyone else’s authority.”

This was and at times still is a BIG one for me!  It wasn’t long after my heart started to change towards my husband when a test came. My son, Ryan, from my first marriage, was applying for college and wanted me to co-sign on a loan. I had mentioned this to my husband and to my surprise he said “Absolutely not!” At that moment, the hair on the back of my neck stood up and I think I might have been showing some teeth, when I blurted out something like “Well, he’s my kid and I will if I want!” He responded “If you do, I will divorce you.” 

Let me interject here. There was so much more to that conversation, but to not take up your time, let me say this... Ryan was never very responsible and Dan, my husband, knew it.

Back to the story, so as it turned out I didn’t sign and I wasn’t happy about. Through a chain of events, Ryan got his loan but lacked about a thousand dollars to meet his tuition. A business woman in our area, who had witnessed the changes that were taking place in our marriage, offered me a gift of $1000.00. She said that God had laid this on her heart and wanted Ryan to have it.

When I look back, I know that God blessed me because of how I submitted (I know that word can be unsettling) to my husband's authority. It’s not easy and I admitted I don’t always say “Yes, dear.”

Oh, and the outcome of my son education wasn’t good; he ended up dropping out after just 3 months.


Monday, November 23, 2009

Prayer Needed

Would you say a prayer for my son, Ryan. He's in a very dark place right now.The battle for his soul is growing stronger.
Thank you for your prayers.


Thursday, November 19, 2009

Morning Has Broken

At the sound of the bell...well, not literally.

Dad pretended to be the bell that would sound off..."Ding, ding" for the wrestling match that was about to take place. My sister and I would shuffle to left, then to the right, pause for a moment to size each other up before we made our next move. Within seconds, we'd go round and round in circle until one of us got the perfect hold to bring our opponent to the ground. At that moment, dad would declare the sister!

Oh....this last month, I've been in a wrestling match and my sister was not the opponent. I've been going back and forth, round and round with doubt. My prayers felt like they were falling to the floor. I was searching His Word daily and coming up dry. I was telling God that I want more of Him yet I felt no connection. I started to compare myself with other bible teachers, bloggers and it seemed that every time I spoke, I was saying NOTHING! Satan was using some great moves. He almost had that perfect hold to bring me down. I was ready to throw in the towel. To step away from the abortion recovery ministry, to stop teaching our womens bible study at church and not be so vocal about my story (God's story)... but then GOD stepped in.

 Jeremiah 17:7-8 But blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD,
       whose confidence is in him.  8 He will be like a tree planted by the water
       that sends out its roots by the stream.
       It does not fear when heat comes;
       its leaves are always green.
       It has no worries in a year of drought
       and never fails to bear fruit."
 I had become relaxed in my walk with Him. Even though I was meeting with Him everyday, my roots were just laying on the surface. I wasn't trusting God with my whole heart. I started to believe that if I wasn't getting something amazing out of His word, that He was done using me. I had stepped into the enemy's arena and doubt had it's grip on me.

James 1:5-8 ( Amplified Bible) If any of you is deficient in wisdom, let him ask of the giving God [Who gives] to everyone liberally and ungrudgingly, without reproaching or faultfinding, and it will be given him.
    6Only it must be in faith that he asks with no wavering (no hesitating, no doubting). For the one who wavers (hesitates, doubts) is like the billowing surge out at sea that is blown hither and thither and tossed by the wind.
    7For truly, let not such a person imagine that he will receive anything [he asks for] from the Lord,
    8[For being as he is] a man of two minds (hesitating, dubious, irresolute), [he is] unstable and unreliable and uncertain about everything [he thinks, feels, decides].
I started listening to the lies, then I  believed them and came very close to stepping over the line. Then God placed this on my heart...My  Word is amazing every time you read it.

It was God who placed these ministries in my life, to serve Him and the enemy wanted nothing more then to destroy His plans. I confess that this isn't the first time I've been doubled-minded but it was the darkest. 

I think there was two reasons God asked me to write with "no comments." First, was I going to be obedient. Second, the emails I've received, I was shown that this blog has always been about Him and I've just been the vessel. Receiving comments is His way of showing us that we are on the right path.

So, give Him the glory and leave a comment.

Thank you all for your prayers!


Saturday, November 14, 2009

Lies Women Believe...

Let's talk about Priorities in Lies Women Believe and the Truth That Set Them Free by Nancy Leigh DeMoss.

All quotes are in blue from the author Nancy Leigh DeMoss.

1. I don't have time to do everything I'm supposed to do.
2. I can make it without consistent time in the Word and prayer.
3. A career outside the home is more valuable and fulfilling than being a wife and mother.

For the longest time, my priorities were completely out of order. First came my career, the dance studio, and  everything else took a backseat. My marriage suffered with one ending in divorce and another about too. There was more times, then I would like to admit, of being out of town because of a dance competition. My career so important to me that I was willing to miss my son's birthdays. It's pretty sad wishing your son "Happy Birthday" on the phone and telling him you wish that you could be there, while on the other end he's crying " Its okay, Mommy." I had no time for my family and no time for God.

Satan knows that if he succeeds in getting us to live independently of the Word of God, we become more vulnerable to deception in every area of our lives.

Instead of the normal layout, God lead me in a different direction. He brought me to Luke 10:38-42  the famous sisters, Mary and Martha. As I was reading, I thought what if Martha had taken a few minutes at the feet of Jesus. Things might have gone smoother and Mary, most likely would've been by her side helping with the meal.
Martha could have removed the pots from the fire, they would've stayed warm. She could have covered the rolls with a piece of cloth to keep in the heat, then joined her sister at the feet of Jesus. But instead, she worried about getting every thing done, with no help from Mary, of course. She became so agitated, she even came to Jesus saying "Lord, doesn't it seem unfair to you that my sister just sits here while I do all the work?" Was she as implying that what Mary was doing was unimportant?  Maybe she was asking for permission to put "her" priorities before Him.

I love what Jesus says to her " My dear Martha, you are so upset over all these details! There is really only one thing worth being concerned about. Mary has discovered it — and I won't take it away from her."

What are the priorities in your life?

Are you consumed by the things of this world? Are you serving the Lord but have become  more focused on the details?

The things that consume us will only cause frustration, and worry when we put our priorities before His. True peace comes when your heart has been prepared by your Maker.

The Truth is, it is impossible for me to be the woman He wants me to be apart from my spending consistent time cultivating a relationship with Him, in the Word and prayer.


Thursday, November 5, 2009

Lies Women Believe...

Let's talk About Sin, I know, its not high on the conversation list. As Christians pointing out sin, some will say you are judging, you've offended them, or that certain sins aren't so bad. Nancy Leigh DeMoss, the author of Lies Women Believe and the Truth that Sets Them Free, gives us great insight and speaks some hard Truth.

All quotes are in blue from the author Nancy Leigh DeMoss.

1. I can sin and get away with it.
2. My sin isn't really that bad.
3. God can't forgive what I have done.
4. I am not fully responsible for my actions and reactions.
5. I cannot walk in consistent victory over sin.

All deception is deadly. But no lies are more deadly than those Satan tells us about God and about sin. He tries to convince us that God is not who He says He is and that sin is not what He says it is.

Deciding on what to watch, read or listen, I would ask my daughter to check to see if it has a little dog poop in it. If you have never heard that phrase, take a moment, and click on Brownies...I'll wait. Now do you understand?  That little bit of dog poop is the first brush with sin that eventually leads us down the wrong path.

Its not easy talking about what is right or wrong, moral or immoral because the simple fact is; it taste sweet and the first touch is very pleasing...for a short time. But here's how Nancy puts it:

The Truth is that sin is dangerous, deadly and destructive.
The Truth is that we will reap what we sow.
The Truth is that every choice we make today will have consequences.
The Truth is that if we play with fire, we will get burned.
The Truth is that "sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death" (James 1:15).

I think at times we put sin into categories. Meaning, your disobedience isn't as bad as your neighbors but God says that we have all sinned and fallen short of the glory of God (Romans 8:23). Yes, we are all sinners but once Christ comes into our lives we are not to stand shoulder to shoulder with sin.  

Ephesians 5:3-7 Let there be no sexual immorality, impurity, or greed among you. Such sins have no place among God’s people.  Obscene stories, foolish talk, and coarse jokes—these are not for you. Instead, let there be thankfulness to God.  You can be sure that no immoral, impure, or greedy person will inherit the Kingdom of Christ and of God. For a greedy person is an idolater, worshiping the things of this world.
Don’t be fooled by those who try to excuse these sins, for the anger of God will fall on all who disobey him.  Don’t participate in the things these people do.

How do you feel about going to a baby shower for a unwed mother? In today society, no one blinks a eye when invited to a bridal shower for those who live together or a baby shower for an unwed mother. A few years ago, I struggled with this decision when someone I love, and care about found herself pregnant with her second child and no husband, claiming to be a christian. Now, before you get too upset with me, please hear me out. First, I'm so grateful that she didn't aborted either child and  made the right choice, to give these children life.
Some said "It's not the baby's fault." They're right. But when you think about it, the baby has no idea whats going on in the first place. This was also said to me, " We need to show this woman that we love her, support her and help her with the necessitates in raising a child."
I responded with, "I do love her, support her and will help her in raising this child but I cannot participate in the celebration when there was no lifestyle change." This is always a difficult decision for me whenever I'm invite to a shower but its one that I must stand by. After the baby was born I went for a visit, along with  bearing gifts.

I have to admit  this has not been a easy subject to write about, so I will leave you with this:
If only we could see that every single sin is a big deal, that every sin is an act of rebellion and cosmic treason, that every time we choose our way instead of God's way, we are revolting against the God and King of the universe.

Every time we choose to give in to the flesh, rather than yielding to the Spirit of God, we allow sin to gain mastery over us. On the other hand, every time we say yes to the Spirit, we give Him greater control of our lives.

Sin has been around for a long time, in fact, from the first moment Eve decide to put her feelings ahead of the Truth. God was not surprised by her rebellion and He's not surprise by mine. That's why He has made a way through His Son, Jesus Christ, to be forgiven and live eternally.

Walk and Live in Victory:
1. Seek the power of the Holy Spirit and read daily the Word of God.
2. Stay away from tempting situations
3. Seek help from the body of Christ to make you accountable and to pray for you.

This is the reason you will not find a place to leave "your comments." Can I be honest, this time the no comments might be a good thing. :)


Friday, October 30, 2009

No Comments

I've been restless in my walk with God in the last few months. My prayers have felt like they were going nowhere and my time in His Word was just "going through the motions."  I couldn't seem to put my finger on it or maybe I was just refusing to listen. Either way, He got my attention today. You see, I've been seeking the praises of men (women) when it comes to my blogging. I can't even begin to tell you how many times in one day I check to see if a new comment has been left. Comments on ones' blog may not be an issue for you, but for me, it is. I've put my self worth in how many comments I've been receiving. I've been more eager to run to the computer then grabbing my bible and spend quality time with the Lord.

God made it very clear to me that this new found ministry is for His Glory and not mine. He asked if I would be willing to continue writing but receive no comments. I liked to say that I eagerly said "Yes, Lord whatever you want" but that would be lying. I sat there for awhile trying to think of another way to reason with Him but I knew in my heart your comments have become my god.

I never want anything to come before my precious Lord...its the little foxes that spoil the vine.

I hope that you all understand and will continue to visit. Your comments have encouraged me and I have felt loved by them. You have become my friends.
I'm not sure how long the "no comments" will be posted... I'm leaving that up to Him.


Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Lies Women Believe...

Chapter Three from the book Lies Women Believe And The Truth that Sets Them Free spoke volume to me, especially the last three.
All quotes are in blue from the author Nancy Leigh DeMoss.

1. I’m not worth anything.
2. I need to learn to love myself.
3. I can’t help the way I am.
4. I have rights.
5. Physical beauty matters more than inner beauty.
6. I should not have to live with unfulfilled longings.

4. I have rights.
Nancy makes this statement “Women have been told that demanding their rights was the ticket to happiness and freedom. After all, “If you don’t stand up for your rights, no one else will!” However, I am convinced that the claiming of rights has produced much, if not most, of the unhappiness women experience today.”

Claiming my rights put me in bondage. I was told that if my husband wasn’t making my life a bed of roses, will then, I had the “right” to find someone who would. The world shouts “it’s your body and if you don’t want to have the baby, you have a right to have an abortion.” I exercised my right…I had an abortion. The lie was I had the right to do whatever made me happy, but the truth...I was miserable!

Then I read this “The fact is, successful relationships and healthy cultures are not built on the claiming of rights but on the yielding of rights” I thought, Nancy, you've hit the nail on the head.

Philippians 2:5-8  Think of yourselves the way Christ Jesus thought of himself. He had equal status with God but didn't think so much of himself that he had to cling to the advantages of that status no matter what. Not at all. When the time came, he set aside the privileges of deity and took on the status of a slave, became human! Having become human, he stayed human. It was an incredibly humbling process. He didn't claim special privileges. Instead, he lived a selfless, obedient life and then died a selfless, obedient death—and the worst kind of death at that—a crucifixion.

Our attitude needs to be a servant’s attitude. Jesus displayed a servant’s heart. He laid aside His deity and surrendered His will “rights” to a horrid death for our sins. We often excuse our selfness, pride and evildoings as “our rights.” When we act on our rights we can be sure that death will follow…death to our marriage, death to a child, and death to ourselves.

5. Physical beauty matters more then inner beauty.

This message is one our culture preaches in earnest to girls and women, beginning in earliest childhood. It comes at us from virtually every angle: television, movies, music, magazines, books and advertisements.

Yep, this one was talking to me!
Up until a few years ago, my outward appearance was way too important. I worked so hard on the outside that I ignored the inside and it showed. Life was about me. My hair had to be just right, makeup needed to look prefect, and my clothes screamed..."Look at me!" There were times; I would have 5 or 6 outfits lying in front of me because I couldn’t decide which one looked the best. My god was to be physically beautiful, and it became the lie, but the older I've become the more I’m aware of this truth.

I Peter 3: 3-4  Don’t be concerned about the outward beauty of fancy hairstyles, expensive jewelry, or beautiful clothes. 4 You should clothe yourselves instead with the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God.

So, last week as I was preparing for Wednesday night bible class, God told me to present these three lies with no make up. At first I thought I didn't hear right and I told myself it was a prideful thought, no one is going to care one way or another, if I have makeup on. But the closer it got to our bible study, I knew God was calling me to obedience. I tried to negotiate about wearing a touch of mascara and lip gloss but He wasn't going for it.

Proverbs 31:30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty does not last;
      but a woman who fears the Lord will be greatly praised.

Now some of you might think “no big deal” but for me it made my stomach turn. I felt naked, like every flaw was showing, as I stood in front of the class. My heart was pounding, because my church family had ever seen me without my "face" on. At one point, I looked down hoping to find my makeup bag lying at my feet, like when Abraham saw the ram in the bushes, but no makeup bag was to be found.Yes, I did survive the night. You may be wondering if I've given up working on the, but I've learned that makeup is just the icing on the cake not the foundation to who we really are.

6. I should not have to live with unfulfilled longings.

We are encouraged to identify our longings and do whatever is necessary to get those “needs” met. Therefore…if you’re hungry, eat. If you want something you can’t afford, charge it. If you crave romance, dress or act in a way that will get men to notice you. I you’re lonely, share your heart with that married man at work.

Colossians 3:2 Think about the things of heaven, not the things of earth.

We will always have unfulfilled longings this side of heaven. Let me just say, no one person or earthly thing will ever bring us to completion. We must learn to surrender our longings to God and allow Him to fill us.


Saturday, October 24, 2009

Ben Stein's Confession

Remarks from CBS Sunday Morning - Ben Stein

I Only hope we find GOD again before it is too late ! !

The following was written by Ben Stein and recited by him on CBS Sunday Morning Commentary.

My confession:

I am a Jew, and every single one of my ancestors was Jewish.. And it does not bother me even a little bit when people call those beautiful lit up, bejeweled trees, Christmas trees. I don't feel threatened. I don't feel discriminated against.. That's what they are, Christmas trees.

It doesn't bother me a bit when people say, 'Merry Christmas' to me. I don't think they are slighting me or getting ready to put me in a ghetto. In fact, I kind of like it. It shows that we are all brothers and sisters celebrating this happy time of year. It doesn't bother me at all that there is a manger scene on display at a key intersection near my beach house in Malibu . If people want a creche, it's just as fine with me as is the Menorah a few hundred yards away.

I don't like getting pushed around for being a Jew, and I don't think Christians like getting pushed around for being Christians. I think people who believe in God are sick and tired of getting pushed around, period. I have no idea where the concept came from, that America is an explicitly atheist country. I can't find it in the Constitution and I don't like it being shoved down my throat.

Or maybe I can put it another way: where did the idea come from that we should worship celebrities and we aren't allowed to worship God as we understand Him? I guess that's a sign that I'm getting old, too. But there are a lot of us who are wondering where these celebrities came from and where the America we knew went to.

In light of the many jokes we send to one another for a laugh, this is a little different: This is not intended to be a joke; it's not funny, it's intended to get you thinking.

Billy Graham's daughter was interviewed on the Early Show and Jane Clayson asked her 'How could God let something like this happen?' (regarding Hurricane Katrina). Anne Graham gave an extremely profound and insightful response. She said, 'I believe God is deeply saddened by this, just as we are, but for years we've been telling God to get out of our schools, to get out of our government and to get out of our lives. And being the gentleman He is, I believe He has calmly backed out How can we expect God to give us His blessing and His protection if we demand He leave us alone?'

In light of recent events... terrorists attack, school shootings, etc. I think it started when Madeleine Murray O'Hare (she was murdered, her body found a few years ago) complained she didn't want prayer in our schools, and we said OK. Then someone said you better not read the Bible in school. The Bible says thou shalt not kill; thou shalt not steal, and love your neighbor as yourself. And we said OK.

Then Dr. Benjamin Spock said we shouldn't spank our children when they misbehave, because their little personalities would be warped and we might damage their self-esteem (Dr. Spock's son committed suicide). We said an expert should know what he's talking about. And we said okay.

Now we're asking ourselves why our children have no conscience, why they don't know right from wrong, and why it doesn't bother them to kill strangers, their classmates, and themselves.

Probably, if we think about it long and hard enough, we can figure it out. I think it has a great deal to do with 'WE REAP WHAT WE SOW.'

Funny how simple it is for people to trash God and then wonder why the world's going to hell. Funny how we believe what the newspapers say, but question what the Bible says. Funny how you can send 'jokes' through e-mail and they spread like wildfire, but when you start sending messages regarding the Lord, people think twice about sharing. Funny how lewd, crude, vulgar and obscene articles pass freely through cyberspace, but public discussion of God is suppressed in the school and workplace.

Are you laughing yet?


Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Lies Women Believe...

In Chapter 2 of Lies Women Believe... Nancy listed six lies the enemy uses about God, I will be discussing the a last three.
All quotes are in blue from this book.

Here's the list of all six lies:
1. God is not really good
2. God doesn't love me
                                 3. God is just like my father
                                 4. God is not really enough
                                 5. God's ways are too restrictive
                                 6. God should fix my problems

Lie #4 God is not really enough
Just before our bible classes on Wednesday nights, many of us go to the sanctuary for prayer, and worship.  As the words left my mouth, my heart became overwhelmed knowing that my God was enough. But when
we walk out the door, and enter into the world, if we're not careful things can change. In our heart we want God to be enough, but somehow Satan draws our attention, just like he did with Eve, to the one thing that we can't or don't have.

In my early Christian walk, I  use to sit in the balcony at church, but I found that all my attention went to the lady walking down the aisle with the great looking shoes (I love shoes) or my eyes would search for the latest haircut. Do you see where I'm going with this? Satan will use the smallest things to take your eyes off from Jesus, he wants you to believe that Christ isn't enough to satisfy your needs, even the smallest ones.

Now, it's not wrong to have nice things or meaningful relationships in our lives. God has given us the desire for those things, but it's when WE place them in the emptiness of our heart, which is only meant for Him, that the lie begins... God is not really enough.

Lie #5 God's ways are too restrictive
Over and over again, the Scripture teaches that God's laws are for our good and our protection. Obedience is the pathway to freedom. but Satan places in our minds the idea that God's laws are burdensome, unreasonable, and unfair, and the if we obey Him we will be miserable.

Deuteronomy 6:24-25  And the Lord our God commanded us to obey all these decrees and to fear him so he can continue to bless us and preserve our lives, as he has done to this day.  For we will be counted as righteous when we obey all the commands the Lord our God has given us. 
God has given us boundaries because He knows what is best for us. He created us. Okay, so you've heard that before, but it's true. I can think of at least a million times, well maybe not a million, that I have disobey God. Okay, I'm sure it's been a least it a million, and the outcome, lets just say I have many regrets. The key to freedom in our flesh... is living out God's Word.

James 1:22-25  But don’t just listen to God’s word. You must do what it says. Otherwise, you are only fooling yourselves.  For if you listen to the word and don’t obey, it is like glancing at your face in a mirror.  You see yourself, walk away, and forget what you look like. But if you look carefully into the perfect law that sets you free, and if you do what it says and don’t forget what you heard, then God will bless you for doing it.
Every time that I look into a mirror and something isn't right, I fix it! Which means I have to DO an action. I can stand in front of the mirror ( listening to the Word) all day but if I don't correct it, my problem will still be there. So, instead of saying " We're only human and we're going to make mistakes." Let us say
"I'm a child of God and my Father will give me the strength to do what is right."

Lie # 6 God Should Fix My Problems
First, it reduces God to a cosmic genie who exists to please and serve us, a hired servant who comes running to wait on us every time we ring the bell. Second, it suggests that the goal in life is to be free from all problems, to get rid of everything that is difficult or unpleasant.

When troubles or trials come it's an opportunity to live out God's Word. My marriage was a mess, it was in trouble and if God didn't do something about this marriage, this too was going to fail. My first marriage fell apart after ten years. Growing up, I had seen a life lived out of just what a wife should be to her husband ( my mom was a great role model) but being a liberated woman, it was a role I wasn't going to fill. I lived a life of misery for twelve years scheming, complaining, plotting and digging my heels into the ground waiting for my husband to change. But what I discover was that God only needs a willing heart that wants to be obedient to His Word.

So, one night after several meetings with a pastor and many tears, I heard God speak to my heart. After a big fight with my husband, I screamed at God telling Him to do something because I was sick and tried of my husband's attitude. And God's  responds was  " I'm going through you to get to him." I pretended I didn't hear it, but I knew what He meant, and from that day forward I started being a doer of the Word.

Dan and I have been married for 22 years, and content because we've learned to do it God's way.


Sunday, October 11, 2009

Worth the Visit

My dear friend, Lisa Shaw has a new blog His Love Covers Our Sins that is worth the visit. She has a heart for hurting women, women who have been affected by abortion(s).
During your visit, you will find no condemnation, just alot of love and a voice that says "I've been there." 


Tuesday, October 6, 2009

It's All About Him

This place wasn't unfamiliar to me, but this time it was different. The stage was simple, there was no elaborate backdrop. The music that was playing was filled with words of praise and the hands of the audience were lifted high in full surrender to the All Mighty God.

I too, had my palms facing toward Heaven with expectancy, and thanksgiving, for the new life that He had given me. A life with no more shame. The more I praised Him, the more I knew I was right where I belonged, in the audience and not on the stage.

Every year as I was growing up, I would perform  my dance routines on this very stage. Twirling and moving around in a beautiful costume, just waiting to hear the applause from my parents and friends that had been invited. And when the final curtain call came, I would take my bow, and listen for the sound of praise that some how exalted me. But it didn't stop there, I wanted more, I want to be my dance teacher.

So there I was, years later behind that same curtain, waiting to make my grand entrance not as a dance student, but as Miss Tammy, the dance teacher. I longed to hear the crowd's approval and for a moment, I would be in MY glory.

But as I stood in the theater two weeks ago with over 500 women from around the state of New York, who had traveled to our yearly Assemblies of God Conference, God spoke these words to me:

You are now exalting Me and no longer exalting yourself. And I believe He said that with a smile.  


Saturday, September 26, 2009

Truth or Consequence

Our class this week was about Truth or Consequence (chapter 1) from the book  “Lies Women Believe and the Truth that Sets Them Free.”

All quotes are in blue from this book.

Most of us don’t mind hearing a little bit of truth, but the whole truth, now that can make us uncomfortable. When Truth is spoken you can be sure that Satan will stir up trouble.  He might make you believe that you are being  judged by another “sinner.” Or he may offer up the question “Did God really say?”

We need to be very aware of the enemy’s lies. To know when deception has been wrapped beautiful with a small amount of Truth. Remember, he weaved in truth with deception as he was tempting Jesus in the desert. Satan, by no means, would never place something before anyone that would be ugly and unappealing, now would he. If we are honest, there’s a certain aroma of pleasure when we are being tempted. The smell, it’s alluring. The taste, it’s so sweet. You can even feel it in the air.  But once you're there, darkness begins to consume you and death closes in. It’s not what you expected. You now find yourself even farther from the Truth.
Nancy makes this statement “listening to a viewpoint that was contrary to God’s word put Eve on a slippery slope that led to disobedience, which led to physical and spiritual death.”  

I don’t know about you, but I’ve stood in front the serpent listening to his sales pitch, and then believing it, and finally, acting on it. Big mistake! It lead me away from God. Eventually, I found a place where no one would see my shame. No one, but God. Just like in the garden, God called out “Where are you?” Now, he knew where I was. But He calls out to us, so that we will realize just how hidden we’ve become.

So, where do we hide? Could it be in the movies we are watching, magazines that we are reading or television shows that tell us there is no "absolute Truth." I sure did like my soap operas and Jackie Collin novels. They took me to a place that made me feel good and reminded just how much I hated my married life. Oh, an during that time, my marriage was going down a slippery slope. And yes, I was a Christian.

Nancy writes "every act of sin in our lives begins with a lie."

I bought into the lies of the enemy and have dealt with the consequences. It took me along time to realize how Satan deceived me, and he even made me believe that he really didn't exist.

So, what I've learned along the way, is by listening to ideas or thoughts that don't line up with God's Truth sets us on the path to destruction.

Here's a piece of truth that God has placed in my heart... The Truth is what brings us to God as we leave ourselves behind.

The truth is Jesus came to testify to the truth. (John 18:37)
The truth is the path WE choose may seem right (Proverbs 14:12)
The truth is His Word sanctifies us. (John 17:17)

John 8:31-32 (Message) Then Jesus turned to the Jews who had claimed to believe in him. "If you stick with this, living out what I tell you, you are my disciples for sure. Then you will experience for yourselves the truth, and the truth will free you."
Are you willing to live out God's Truth?


Monday, September 21, 2009


Last Wednesday was our first women’s bible class for the fall season. I, along with my friend Debbie, will have the privilege teaching from the book “Lies Women Believe and the Truth that Set Them Free” by Nancy Leigh DeMoss, I highly recommend this book. I hope to share with you in the weeks to come my thoughts that I will be presenting to the class.

Genesis 3:6 The woman was convinced. The fruit looked so fresh and delicious, and it would make her so wise! So she ate some of the fruit. She also gave some to her husband, who was with her. Then he ate it, too

As I was reading this verse,  this statement got my eye…The woman was convinced.

I was convinced that the grass was greener on the other side. That’s why my first marriage ended after 10 years and my second was spinning out of control until the Truth grabbed my heart. I was convinced that the night life would fulfill me rather then home life. Through all these feelings, and that is just what they are, feelings, I was convinced.

Instead of writing the rest of this message, I have attempted to video tape. Enjoy.

I'd like to thank my husband for putting together these videos, especially the blooper.
As you can see, he was quite amused with the "clearing my throat" which he added three times :(


Monday, August 31, 2009

Just Wondering

I believe that many of us are curious, yet afraid, to ask the question " Why would someone choose to have an abortion, especially when they claimed to be Christan."
Several months ago I received this email and with her permission I would like to share it with you. To protect her privacy I will refer her to : Just Wondering

(if anyone has a question, general or personal, about this subject please don't hesitate to ask. You can send me a email or leave it in your comment.)

You may not know me, but I attend your church First Assembly of God. I remember you talked about healing a broken marriage and how you were able to make it through some really hard times together. I saw your website, and I have some questions. Why do people chose abortion rather than adoption? I can understand if your life is in danger or the child may be severely deformed. I believe that a woman should have a choice because no child should be brought into this world 'unwanted.' However, I have had three pregnancies - two were miscarried. My last miscarriage was in January of 2009. Since then, I have looked into oversees adoption, but the cost is ridiculous, and $20,000 is a modest estimate when all is said and done. My husband and I have taken classes at DSS to adopt locally, but things kept interfering. We asked God for His wisdom and His will in our lives and these 'interruptions' were our answer. So, why do women chose abortion rather than giving the child up for adoption? We would love to offer a child the security of a 2 parent family and the love that God has given us to share.


Just Wondering

Dear Just Wondering,

Yes, I do remember you and I'm sorry it has taken me so long to get back to you excuses, just life is busy. Your question is a good one and I wish I had one perfect answer, but I don't.

Women choose abortion for many reasons. It may be they are afraid to tell their parents, her parents are embarrassed that their daughter is pregnant, or the boyfriend has walked away. The real reason is 75% have abortions because it will interfere with their lives and plans, sad but true!

Which leads me into your comment ..."I can understand if your life is in danger or the child may be severely deformed. I believe that a woman should have a choice because no child should be brought into this world 'unwanted". This comment is so common, so please don't be offended with what I'm about to say. I used to believe the same thing, that if there was a "real” reason to have an abortion, then we should have the right to choose and it needs to be legal...but that is a lie from Satan himself.

Only 1% of all abortions occur because of incest, rape or fetal abnormalities, and 4% are due to health issues. Shocking isn't it? No child is "unwanted." Someone is willing to love that child, and your desire to adopt proves that.

To be adopted is a wonderful gift for any woman could give her child, and I'm living proof because I was adopted. When I meet with girls at the CPC where I volunteer, this is their reaction to the suggestion of adoption. "I could never carry my baby for 9 months and then give it up" and that statement follows this "I'm going to have an abortion. I can't have a baby; it's not the right time." The conflicting statements don't make a lot of sense, do they?

We, as a community, don't encourage adoption. And you're right, it is so expensive.

When I had my abortion, it was for no other reason than "I didn't want to have a baby". When I meet women like my old self, they too wish that they could go back and take the child(ren) that was aborted, kiss their precious face, and hear them say "Mommy". I regret taking the life of my child and now believe that abortion shouldn't ever be a 'choice' ... period.

I hope this gives you some clarity on why women have abortions. If you have any more questions, please email or grab me at church.

I will be praying that the Lord gives you your heart's desire to have another child.


Monday, August 24, 2009

BloodMoney....Must see!

Received this in my email from Abortion Recovery InterNational.

Stacy Massey writes:

"An amazing father and son team:David and Nick Kyle have put together a new
movie called Bloodmoney, that will literally knock your socks off. I don't want
to share much more than that... you watch the trailer and be the judge...."


Monday, August 17, 2009

By Their Testimony

Revelation 12:11
And they have defeated him by the blood of the Lamb
and by their testimony.

Our testimony is a declaration of the situations God has brought us through.

I wonder why it's so hard to tell others where we've been. I remember the first time standing in front of a group of women sharing how God healed my marriage. I was baring my soul right down to the last detail, well, not quite. There was one secret I was never going to share. It was the reason I chose to have an abortion, to keep it a secret, because if I had chosen to do the adoption plan there would've been to many questions. I wasn't ready to face the questions, but little did I know that it would be much harder to face the secret.

A couple of years later, God gave me another opportunity to share my testimony but this time my husband was standing at my side. We were involved with the marriage ministry at our church. One of our pastors was having classes on
marriage and asked if we would give our testimony. So, there we both stood as a couple, telling of how God took this hopeless marriage and gave it hope. I had become very comfortable, actually you could say unashamed of how awful our marriage was until we got to the part that had never been uncover...our abortion.

We had discuss early that it was time to expose this secret, it was a part of us and it needed to be told.

Taking a deep breath, I opened my mouth but nothing came out. I could feel a heaviness pressing against my chest and my legs became weak. I thought to myself "Am I going to pass out?" Then I felt my husband's arm starting to tighten around my waist as he took over to tell of the horrible sin we had committed. Within minutes our story had come to an end and God's Story was beginning.

My eyes scanned the room, and what I saw next was so unexpected. Those who were listening were still there. Some were smiling as if to encourage us, and others had tears in their eyes telling us that they,too were mourning our lost. At the end of our testimony, some approached us comforting us with words, while others offered us a hug. From that day on I knew I needed to share my story (God's Story) in order to have victory over the enemy.

Some of you have asked how it went last week in giving my testimony. Well, I didn't lose my breath and my legs were strong as I shared the secret that was once hidden. The room was very quiet and from what I could see ( the lights were in my eyes) no one was moving. This is a subject that doesn't get much of a response outwardly, however I know that God's Word never comes back void.

So, I believe He's working in someone's heart who was there that night listening to my story and thinking...I'm not the only one.

Do you remember when He stirred your heart to uncover the sin that once kept you captive?


Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Telling My Secret

At church tonight we will showing the movie "Tilly" before I share my testimony. Tilly is a powerful story of a mother who find forgiveness from God and her child that she aborted 9 years ago. There are events that take place that pushes her secret to surface which brings on a dream. In this dream she meets her daughter in a heaven and for the first time holds her, not just in her arms but also in her heart. It's very powerful!

God used this story 11 years ago to speak to my heart about my secret sin. Please pray that those who are dealing with this loss will not run from the Cross but to it.


Sunday, August 2, 2009

Find Rest

Matthew 11:28-30 (The Message)

28-30"Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly."

God's way is:

Not demanding but delightful

Not tiring but refreshing

Not frustrating but peaceful

Not restless but restful


Friday, July 24, 2009

He Delights in Us

The Lord delights in us. The Creator of the Universe takes great pleasure…in us.

GoddelightstomeetthefaithI liked you to take a moment to think of something you delight in. Something that bring you great joy. Go ahead and take a minute, I’ll wait.

Now that you’ve had time to think. What is it that you find delight in? Could it be your child(ren) or the warmth of the sun touching your face? Maybe hearing the voice of a loved one who calls unexpectedly. How about a evening with your spouse?

I don’t know about you, but for me, all of those things have brought great pleasure. But I must be honest, it’s hard to wrap my mind around the thought that God would delight in me. I’ve done a lot of stupid things. Things, that I know have caused great heartache to my Abba Father.

From the very beginning, scripture tells us this is true. He DELIGHTS in us!

Do you believe it? You should. Because He created you.

Psalm 139:13

You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body
and knit me together in my mother’s womb

I know what your thinking, something like this? “There are times when I struggle with who I am'’. Well, there are times when I too struggle with the way God made me. From being shorter then what I would like, to the times I speak in boldness afraid I’ve over stepped that line of offending. Yet, God has showed me that He can use people like me. And I know He can use you too!

2 Samuel 22:20 He brought me out into a spacious place; he rescued me because he delighted in me.

Zephaniah 3:17 The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing."

Knowing God rejoices over us causes us to run to Him in times of trouble. We then are willing to trust Him to lead us down the path that He has chosen for us.

When we embrace that God delight in us…it changes everything!

Monday, July 13, 2009

Family and Disney


Waiting for our food at a 50’s restaurant


An unexpected hug


Another hug


Being silly!


Getting her day started


Mother and daughter


The man behind the camera…my husband_DSC0659

The day has ended.