#SayWhat

I want you to share. But LORD, I don’t think they will understand unless they’ve been there. Well, many have, but they think too that no one will understand,  that’s why I want you to share.

I had decided to forgo participating in the Blog Hop this week until the conversation above took place during my workout at the gym this morning. I have to say, God at times, picks the strangest places to have a conversation with you. So, here is what He wanted me to share…

Along life’s journey, I’ve been asked the question of how many children do I have and the answer has always been two. But this particular evening, about three years ago, as I was standing with my friend and her mother (which I just meet) in the lobby of a church when the “question” came. With a little bit of hesitation I answered “ I have two children.” Immediately, I heard the Holy Spirit clear His throat saying, “You don’t have two children but three. Go ahead and tell her the truth.”  #SayWhat! “There is no way she is going to understand, if I tell her the truth!” was my comeback. “She doesn’t have too, but you need to acknowledge your child. Go ahead, I AM with you.”

I didn’t understand and I was scared to death but I stopped in the middle of the sentence and said “ Well, that not true. You see, I have three children, a son 28, a daughter 17 and a one who died ( her response was… “Oooh” before I could get to the end of my sentence) because I chose to have an abortion that I totally regret now. I could see in her eyes she was trying to comprehend it, so I continued “I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable, but I can’t deny my child’s existence anymore, I hope you understand?” With a half smile on her face, she said “Well, I’m sure at the time you didn’t know what to do?.” With a half smile on my face I left it at that.

We ended the night with a hug along with “It was nice meeting you and have a safe trip home.”

 

Walking back to my car I was still confused with why I had to go there, yet I was relieved knowing I didn’t have to hide him (my child) anymore. On the way home, God let me know that it was important not to ignore my child’s life because you see, my friend, she had just finished going through the post-abortion bible study with me as her mentor. She knew my story and she had learned how important it was to be honest about our abortion(s) because if we don’t shame has a way of creeping back into our lives.

It wasn’t easy that night and when I share “my” next step in this testimony of mine with women who I have the privilege to mentor, they say... “I don’t think I will ever be able to be that opened about my abortion(s).” And I gently reply “All I can say is if He speaks to your heart in this area say #YesToGod.”

 

On The Radio...

Oh, its been a long time...again, since I've put my fingers to this key pad. I have a lot of things floating around in this mind of mine but I can't seem to reconnect to the web world. I still read many of my blogging friends thoughts, but never leave a comment. Can I still call you my "blogging friend?"

I've been busy with our abortion recovery ministry at the local CPC and God has been opening doors for me to share my story (God's Story), plus sharing His Word in other areas of my life. Oh, and our daughter,Sydney is planning her wedding for May 2013. Now that a whole blogging session in it self.

Which leads me to inviting you to listen in on a live interview over a CWA radio tomorrow, Thursday, February 23 at 11:00am. A dear friend of mine, Lisa Shaw, is hosting her own radio show 'The Whole Woman' and has asked me to share how God sustained me during and after my mother's tragic death.

So meet with us tomorrow at 11:00am! ( click on the link above).

No promises, but I'll try to be better at getting back to sharing 'not mine but God's Story.

Adoption...are you kidding?

A blank look appears on her face as her eyes focus on the two lines of her test, indicating that she’s pregnant. This wasn’t part of her life’s plan, well aleast not for today. She looked at me as if to say…what am I going to do? We talked about her options and that’s when I mention adoption.


She quickly responded …"No. I wouldn't do an adoption thing. If I'm going to carry this baby for 9 months, I'm not going to give it up! I don't want to have an abortion but I can’t have a baby, right now."

Baffling, isn't it? Yet, these words are proclaimed most of the time and I’m grateful, because it then opens a door for me to reply... "You're looking at someone whose birth mother decided to do the adoption thing and I’m grateful she let me live.”


My mother was just shy of 16 when she delivered me at our local hospital. She was alone and scared. She has told me many times that the young man, who was my dad, really loved her and wanted me; her parents, however, had forbidden him to have any contact with her. She also said that during her stay at the hospital, she heard him out in the hallway yelling “I want to see my baby girl. You can’t do this to me. She’s my daughter!” That was the last thing he said before he was escorted out of the hospital by the police officers.


Within a year of my birth, she met her future husband and became pregnant with my sister. The marriage didn’t last long. Like so many women, there she was… a single mother doing the best she knew how.


But reality finally set in when I was about 2 years old and my sister was 6 months. She knew love wouldn’t feed us, put clothes on our backs or a roof over our heads. She had to do something, so she agreed to place us in the welfare of a couple. A couple who promised to raise us as their own and they did!

I’ve never doubted her love or questioned how someone could do such a thing, my thought as always been…how could you not?

Of course, it was a hard decision for her to make, we’ve talked about it many times in person and over the phone. She frequently tells me… “It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done but I wanted what was best for you, girls. I knew I couldn’t give you all the things you and your sister would need.” Everytime I hear those words, I tell her how thankful I am that she thought of us and I silently wispher "Thank you, LORD."

Sharing my story, doesn’t make anyone eager to sign on the dotted line for the adoption plan but my pray is… maybe one day some young lady will see the child’s life and not her own.

Inspiration 365 Days a Year | Inspriation 365 Day a Year Movie

Inspiration 365 Days a Year | Inspriation 365 Day a Year Movie



Reading these quotes, reminded me of my mother's wisdom as she lead me down the road called "Life." (smile)

Mom would say:
"If the farmer can get the milk free from the cow, he isn't gonna buy it!"
"Well honey, if their talking about you, then they're leaving everyone else alone."

Christmas Day

A Day at the Rude's for Christmas

Christmas morning, stockings were to heavy for their holders.

Sadie not sure what's going on.

The family... standing: Ryan (my son), Debbie (my sister), Norman (father-in-law)

seated: me, Sydney with Sadie. Dan (my husband) is behind the camera

Ryan and Sydney

Merry Christmas

 

Thank you to all my blogging friends for your prayers.

(Our tree this year, thanks to my husband for taking the picture.)

Merry Christmas !

Prayer Needed

Would you say a prayer for my son, Ryan. He's in a very dark place right now.The battle for his soul is growing stronger.
Thank you for your prayers.

Family and Disney

Waiting for our food at a 50’s restaurant

An unexpected hug

Another hug

Being silly!

Getting her day started

Mother and daughter

The man behind the camera…my husband

The day has ended.

Disney and Friendships

Our vacation has come and gone. We had a great time. The weather was hot. The food was plentiful, I gain 4 pounds! The rides were a blast, at least that's what my husband and daughter told me. Going round and round and up and down isn’t my thing. So, I’m that person you pass on the way to your ride whose waiting for her family. Going to Disney was fun and memorable but I had a added bonus to my trip.

I got to meet a special friend who I was introduced to through my blog. During our vacation I made plans with Lisa from Sharing Life with Lisa to have some girl time. It was such a blessing to visit with someone who is like-minded. I love how she’s not afraid to speak the truth or how she declares her love for Jesus without any apologies. Her smile is infectious and her heart is genuine. We shared so much that day, it was like we had been girlfriends for a lifetime. It’s a day I will always remember and cherish.

The minute I saw her in the lobby at the resort where my family was staying, I knew she was a friend for life! Our lives that once were so separate, God has knitted into a beautiful friendship.

Lisa, you have blessed my life!

Disney...Plus

In a few days my family and I will be taking a vacation to Florida for 9 days. We will be flying down and doing the whole Disney plan. We figured this might be our last chance to have a family vacation seeing Sydney is now 16 and parents have taken a back seat. You know, we aren't as cool as her friends :)

I thank God for blessing us with this trip during this tough time. He as also given me as added bonus, I will be spending one full day with my friend, Lisa from SharingLifeWithLisa . I love how God brought this sweet lady into my life and now He has set up this special day for us to meet.

Oh, if I cross your mind, please send up a prayer for me...I hate to fly!

PS. I tried to put a hyperlink on Lisa's site and it highlighted my whole post. Yet, when I tried to click on it, it doesn't work. I don't think I will ever understand technical part. :(

We're Celebrating

It was 22 years ago today that I said "I do" and promise to until death do us part. For the first 12 years of our marriage, I wanted to undo my "I do" and almost did.

Oh, the things I would have missed out on and the lives of the children would've been turned upside down if we had walked away. But we didn't. God has taken this marriage and has brought it to a place of contentment. Our marriage isn't perfect, but that's what makes it so special because its then I get to see the amazing hand of God work in our lives.

Danny, I love you and I promise to "until death do us part".

Morning Fog

James 4:14
How do you know what your life will be like tomorrow? Your life is
like the morning fog—it’s here a little while, then it’s gone.

A few weeks ago we had a tragedy happen here in Binghamton. It even made national news; thirteen families lost their loved ones because of the rage that welled up inside of one man’s heart. Then shooting him self, leaving his family to mourn his death.

Death tried to make an appearance, once again in Binghamton, but this time it came to my home. On Friday night while everyone was sleeping, my husband Dan, got up to try to relieve the pain that had entered his chest. For two hours he convinced himself that the pain he was experiencing was indigestion. To him, a heart attack was out of the question. He was in great shape for a man of 54. He wasn’t overweight and he faithfully went to the gym 6 days a week. His routine consisted of 45 minutes of hard cardio, four times a week and weightlifting every other day, making sure to work each body part. Eating right has always been his way of life, its something he has done from the first day I met him. In fact, on the day we met, he had recently competed in a bodybuilding contest and won in his class. Do you see where I’m going with this? My husband appeared to be in excellent shape.

It was the next morning while we were having our coffee that he started to tell me what had happen, I immediately wanted him to call the doctor but he assured me that he felt fine and would call to make appointment on Monday. For the rest of the day he went about his daily routine and never complained. It wasn’t until 5:00 am on Easter morning that the pain was back and stayed with him until Monday that's when I called to make an appointment with our family doctor. Guess what he told me “Get him to the hospital.”

My husband had a heart attack!

Immediately, he went into surgery to correct the one artery that was completely clogged and another that was 7o% … we still can’t believe it. When speaking with the doctor after the surgery, I said “I can’t believe this has happened because he's in such great shape.” The doctor replied “Yes he is, but this is hereditary.

It’s only been a few days since my husband has been home and he is doing quite well, but I know things are about to change. God has started to rearrange our lives and I’m so excited to see where He will be placing all the pieces in order to glorify Him.

Life is a vapor.
I’m learning to be content in the morning fog, to sit quietly as it surrounds me. Our lives only last a short time here on earth before standing in the very presence of God but until then…I will enjoy the morning fog.

Close to home...Binghamton

I'm not sure what I did to make this one big link,but you can click on it to read the article.

The world stopped for many in Binghamton, New York, I've lived in this small city for 21 years and when I was growing up,I was only about 25 minutes away.

At about 10:30 am, a man made the decision to walk into the American Civic Center in downtown Binghamton and opened fire on volunteers and workers. That act of violence killed fourteen and critically wounded four people.

Down the street about a block away, my daughter had her first experience in a lock down at the high school. When I heard that Binghamton High was locked down, I wasn't sure what this all meant except she was there and I was at home. For the first time,I was glad that Sydney had taken her cell phone to school. I have this thing about cell phones going to schools and churches. To me, its not the place to be texting when you should be listening. But today I was glad she had her phone. I might have to do some rethink on that rule, at least for school.

My daughter texted me a little after the first shootings had taken place to tell me she was fine. Later on, after several other messages, she said "and if something happens, I love you." Did I read that right? " "If something happens?!" At that moment my mother's words came back to me "Honey, give me a kiss good-bye because you never know." I'd think "What is she talking about, nothing going to happen." But she was right... you never know.

Everyday we get up and do what we do best...live our lives. Yet again, we see through a tragedy, our lives need to be lived as if this is our last day. We need not worry about the things that might need to be done or what brings us worldly pleasure. We must get up every morning and say "God, I want to do the things that bring You Glory and Praise."

Yesterday, my daughter, called on the name of Jesus. I wonder...How many other did the same?

Something Sweet

Last week Sydney decided she wanted to make cookies. She loves to bake and wants to go to college to become at pastry chef. I asked her if she want my help and she said"NO." So, I went an grabbed the camera.

All the ingredients has been added and mixed together. At this point I did help...a little.
TA da,they are ready to bake.
Boudie and Sadie can smell something good. They are sure hoping that this time they might get lucky. Sorry guys,I don't think so.
Waiting for them to cool. Can you tell who wanted to have the first one?
Sydney informing me that I was only allowed one cookie as we're striking that famous teenager pose.