Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Lies Women Believe...

Teaching this chapter wasn’t easy, but I guess marriage can be a complicated subject when we all have our own opinions. Wait, that’s what makes it difficult… our opinions. Remember, we are talking about us, women, on this subject.

In the book Lies Women Believe and the Truth that Sets Them Free, the author has some ways of letting us know its God who created this thing called…marriage.

All quotes are in blue from the author Nancy Leigh DeMoss.

1.    I have to have a husband to be happy.
2.    It is my responsibility to change my mate.
3.    My husband is supposed to serve me.
4.    If I submit to my husband, I’ll be miserable.
5.    If my husband is passive, I’ve got to take the initiative, or nothing will get done.
6.    Sometimes divorce is a better option than staying in a bad marriage.

What took place in the Garden of Eden thousands of years ago was not only an attack on God and on two people, it was an attack on marriage. Marriage was designed by God to reflect His glory and his redemptive purpose. In undermining that sacred institution, Satan struck a forceful blow at God’s eternal plan.

When I got married at the age of 18, my first thought was that my life wouldn’t be complete without a man and my second thought, how hard can this be? I have learned that no man makes me complete. But it’s because of come to the understanding that I was created to glorify God that makes me content in my marriage.

Second thought…It is hard.

2. It Is My Responsibility To Change My Mate.
When a wife is preoccupied with trying to correct her husband’s faults and flaws, she is taking responsibility God never intended her to have, and she will likely end up frustrated and resentful toward her husband and perhaps even toward God. She may also limit God from doing what he wants to do in changing her husband.

It is God who wants full control over our husbands. Our constant “reminders” will shut down our husbands’ heart, even to the point of not being willing to hear God.  It’s our responsibility to respect our husbands even when we think they don’t deserve it.

3. My Husband is Suppose to Serve Me.
The Truth is that God did not make the man to be a “helper” to the woman. He made them to be a “helper” to the man.

Genesis 2:18 The LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him."

I like to use myself as an example but I know that my husband reads my blog from time to time (smile) so I think my mom would be a better fit.  Mom was not what you would call the “politically correct wife”. She loved being the helper and it showed. She would be right next to dad stacking wood for the winter or getting up at 3:30 in the morning to cook breakfast for the hunters, all fourteen of them, at deer season.
She even worked outside the home for a short while and never complained that dad didn’t help with supper. Fulfilling her role as the “helper” was honoring God. I didn’t know it at the time, but there was truth of who Jesus was by watching her.

4. If I Submit to My Husband, I’ll Be Miserable.
The struggle with submission is not unique to women of our day. In fact, that was the essence of the issue Eve faced back in the Garden of Eden. At the heart of the Serpent’s approach to Eve was this challenge: Does God have the right to rule your life? Satan said, in effect, “You can run your own life; you don’t have to submit to anyone else’s authority.”

This was and at times still is a BIG one for me!  It wasn’t long after my heart started to change towards my husband when a test came. My son, Ryan, from my first marriage, was applying for college and wanted me to co-sign on a loan. I had mentioned this to my husband and to my surprise he said “Absolutely not!” At that moment, the hair on the back of my neck stood up and I think I might have been showing some teeth, when I blurted out something like “Well, he’s my kid and I will if I want!” He responded “If you do, I will divorce you.” 

Let me interject here. There was so much more to that conversation, but to not take up your time, let me say this... Ryan was never very responsible and Dan, my husband, knew it.

Back to the story, so as it turned out I didn’t sign and I wasn’t happy about. Through a chain of events, Ryan got his loan but lacked about a thousand dollars to meet his tuition. A business woman in our area, who had witnessed the changes that were taking place in our marriage, offered me a gift of $1000.00. She said that God had laid this on her heart and wanted Ryan to have it.

When I look back, I know that God blessed me because of how I submitted (I know that word can be unsettling) to my husband's authority. It’s not easy and I admitted I don’t always say “Yes, dear.”

Oh, and the outcome of my son education wasn’t good; he ended up dropping out after just 3 months.



LisaShaw said...

Powerful sharing Tammy especially your personal testimony. I love your heart for the LORD and your heart to say, Yes Lord in speaking His truths and the transparency of your life.

The LORD's plans of marriage is an awesome one when we all submit to HIM then we can submit to the covenant of our marriages the way GOD designed. That has been the glue in my marriage for over 19 years -- the glue is JESUS. I love ya!! I'm still praying with you for your precious son also.

Karen said...

I have wrestled with point # 2 many times since I am a "fixer" by nature...the Lord has convicted me over this area and when I leave things in His hands...that's when I see changes in my husband...when I change first....

Andrea said...

You are a beautiful person inside and out...thank you for sharing your journey. It will touch "many" lives as all women struggle in some area (maybe I should say most women).
Blessings, andrea

sonja said...

Good words Tammy, and a few 'ouches' in there for me as well. My way is just not God's way, so much of the time. I love your honesty in sharing.

Edie said...

Great words here Tammy. There are many times that I thank God that I am not married. :)

Love you!