The Real Me

Truth led her to the Water…

“If you want to know the truth, go ask Tammy.” Yep, that’s what Mom would say because she knew I didn’t beat around the bush. It’s how God made me. Maybe that’s why it’s easy for me to speak truth into the lives of those who are hurting and struggling with life. To bring freedom from the grip of Satan’s lies.

 As we’ve learned in Chapter 8 of A Confident Heart by Renee Swope, God gives us different characteristics and spiritual gifts to make up the body of Christ. I’ve taken the test and here are the results: Choleric/ Sanguine   Spiritual gifts: Prophecy, Teaching and Exhortation.

If you have a few more minutes, I’d like to share a story of what happened when I allowed God to use…The Real Me

Sitting across from me in the Spring of 2011, I could see she was unsure about sharing her story (maybe for the first time) the reasons why she chose to abort the child within her. But she really didn’t need to mummer a word, her body language said it all… Shame. Angry. Guilt. Along with an emptiness that had taken residence in her heart.  The voice struggled to cry out. It wanted to take back all she had done but the past was now to be her future.

As her story started to unfold, her body began to relax and there in her eyes I saw a glimmer of hope... God was with us. She told me she had grown up religious but it wasn’t apart of her life today. Yet, she was willing to let me come along side of her to help with this pain that she was experiencing. A pain the world told her wouldn’t exist if she was to have this “procedure.”

 I knew this wasn’t going to be easy. Why? Well, it never is when you have to speak truth into  someone’s life who is blinded by darkness. Darkness has a clever way of making us think we are deserving of wants. It convinces us that life is all about us. I guess you could say its real name is…Pride.  Yes, pride, I knew it all to well. It had destroyed a life within me many years ago and it continued to steal the relationships around me for years to come. So, I knew where she was coming from, where she was and where she was going.

Our relationship grew as the weeks passed through this journey of healing and restoration. We shared, we laughed, we cried, yet I knew she wouldn’t be able to live in the present, until she trusted God. Believed in His Truth. I had asked her several times if she wanted to receive the gift of salvation and each time she would declined the wall grew a little stronger. Then on our fifth meeting the LORD whispered to me “ Tammy, lay out the truth boldly and I’ll do the rest.”   

Yep, you guessed it! She declined and went home. I thought did I hear God or was it my own hopeful desire to lead her to the living water. It wasn’t until our next meeting, she told me she’d been having a hard time swallowing some of the truth that was said to her, but she decided to seek God during the week and she found Him!

Its been two years since the day of her salvation, when Truth spoke into her life and believe me, she is on fire for God!

One thing I try to do is stay connected with the women I’ve worked with either through Facebook, email or texting. Many times my heart has been blessed to see the growth they’ve made, so when Kim invited me to her baptism on November 17, 2013 my heart was filled with a sense of thankfulness. Without hesitation, she stood in front of the congregation and told her testimony. A testimony that many of us are still ashamed to utter a word but not her. By her revealing the “secret” (her daughter) Bella’s life would be validated and Kim’s baptism was now the finally statement to…I belong to Christ Jesus.

Oh, one last thing. As we were all singing and worshiping before the baptism, God spoke these words to my heart... “Tell Kim that her daughter didn’t die in vain.”  Now, I don’t get these orders from God very often but when I told Kim, her eyes filled with tears, and I believed, she knew what God meant.

 My friends…it was a bittersweet moment.

#SayWhat

I want you to share. But LORD, I don’t think they will understand unless they’ve been there. Well, many have, but they think too that no one will understand,  that’s why I want you to share.

I had decided to forgo participating in the Blog Hop this week until the conversation above took place during my workout at the gym this morning. I have to say, God at times, picks the strangest places to have a conversation with you. So, here is what He wanted me to share…

Along life’s journey, I’ve been asked the question of how many children do I have and the answer has always been two. But this particular evening, about three years ago, as I was standing with my friend and her mother (which I just meet) in the lobby of a church when the “question” came. With a little bit of hesitation I answered “ I have two children.” Immediately, I heard the Holy Spirit clear His throat saying, “You don’t have two children but three. Go ahead and tell her the truth.”  #SayWhat! “There is no way she is going to understand, if I tell her the truth!” was my comeback. “She doesn’t have too, but you need to acknowledge your child. Go ahead, I AM with you.”

I didn’t understand and I was scared to death but I stopped in the middle of the sentence and said “ Well, that not true. You see, I have three children, a son 28, a daughter 17 and a one who died ( her response was… “Oooh” before I could get to the end of my sentence) because I chose to have an abortion that I totally regret now. I could see in her eyes she was trying to comprehend it, so I continued “I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable, but I can’t deny my child’s existence anymore, I hope you understand?” With a half smile on her face, she said “Well, I’m sure at the time you didn’t know what to do?.” With a half smile on my face I left it at that.

We ended the night with a hug along with “It was nice meeting you and have a safe trip home.”

 

Walking back to my car I was still confused with why I had to go there, yet I was relieved knowing I didn’t have to hide him (my child) anymore. On the way home, God let me know that it was important not to ignore my child’s life because you see, my friend, she had just finished going through the post-abortion bible study with me as her mentor. She knew my story and she had learned how important it was to be honest about our abortion(s) because if we don’t shame has a way of creeping back into our lives.

It wasn’t easy that night and when I share “my” next step in this testimony of mine with women who I have the privilege to mentor, they say... “I don’t think I will ever be able to be that opened about my abortion(s).” And I gently reply “All I can say is if He speaks to your heart in this area say #YesToGod.”

 

With All My Heart...

Here we are at the hop, Blog Hop with the Yes To God online bible study, our hostess…Melissa Taylor.

 And you must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your strength. (Deuteronomy 6:5 NLT)

That’s a pretty big command…don’t you think?

 

But I look at this way. If it was impossible then God wouldn’t ask it of us, right? We are told in Philippians 4:13 that we can do all things through Christ who strengths me. Maybe that’s why God spoke to my heart on Tuesday morning to stop being consumed with Facebook. He even gave me particulars like, for the next seven days I want you to step away from Facebook, however, you can check it twice a day so that you will stay connected with the Facebook group you are in.

 

I know some of you are thinking…really? While other are saying, oh girl, I’ve been there…keep going.

Well, Tuesday I passed with flying colors. It could have been that I was busy most of day with errands to run, mentoring a woman in the afternoon, the Connection Call with Melissa Taylor and let’s not forget preparing supper. As the day was winding down, I thought about how I had achieved this nudge from the LORD and without much of a struggle. I have to admit I was so pride of myself.

Oh, but yesterday was not so satisfying as my day came to a close. There I was standing worshiping God during our Wednesday night service when I heard Him say... “Not so good today?” In response, I said “What are You talking about?” I'm sure He was saying with a somewhat smile on His face… “I noticed that you checked your Facebook more then twice today and as you did you softly whispered… “Just to see if I have any messages, quick on and quick off” but you see Tammy, that wasn’t part of details.”

So, today, I focusing “again” on loving God with all of my strength. You may be asking…why not along with other two (mind and soul)? I’m realizing that my strength in of my self is the flesh and this (my) flesh will fail every time without being mindful of God's presence. I believe the desire in our hearts and souls to love the LORD is always there as daughters of the King and He sees that, but it’s the “doing” that cause us to stumble.

So, ladies. Repeat after me …I can do all things through Christ who strengthen me.