Thursday, February 28, 2013

Who's in Control?

This quote from Let. It. Go. by Karen Ehman got my attention... "Whether your life contains life-altering crises, out-of-control circumstances, or relatively normal bumps and blips, you must nestle yourself neatly and surrendered into the spot God has reserved for you in it all."

If I was going to make it to the other side of this mess, I had to trust in God.

What was meant to be a promising business started to go in a way that I felt wouldn't honor God. I knew standing my ground could mean losing a dear friend and likely put distance between me and my husband. During this time I cried out to God, asking Him to change my heart if I just wanting to be in control. Was it me who was the "stick in the mud?"

My heart was telling me that God would take care of  it, that He was in control of the situation...right? I knew He saw the real motive in each of our hearts, yet my head was telling me something totally different and I was getting VERY impatience. My marriage was falling apart, a marriage that had survived 25 years of dark valleys and a friendship I treasured was now unraveling.

Oh, ladies, believe me when I say the voice was getting stronger with each passing day that unless I did something...nothing was going to change! I thought about leaving, giving up, walking out on this marriage. Why not?  No one who was involved in this business cared how it was affecting me or the marriage and I'll let you in on a little secret...the voice even suggested to me to end my own life...."NOW that would show them who's in control!" it whispered. I know what you thinking. How could I have gone there? Well, my life felt out of control, I felt alone and God seemed so distinct.

But He was there, I was just staring at the mountain instead of lifting my eyes to the Throne. Once I released the situation, placed it in His hands and rested in His promises the gates of Heaven opened up and I felt at peace.

It did took longer then I had hoped for the business to dissolves but it did.

I am in a new season now, yet I've lost two friends and a marriage that is still on the road to healing. But, I learned that God knew were I was, how I was feeling and collected every tear I cried in a bottle, whispering..."Trust Me, I got this one."  

But I am trusting you, O Lord,
saying, “You are my God!”  (Psalm 31:14 NLT)


Thursday, February 14, 2013

His Plan!

“Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails.”    (Proverbs 19:21 NIV)

This wasn't a unfamiliar place to me, but this time it was different. The stage was simple, there was no elaborate backdrop. The music playing was filled with words of praise. The hands of the audience were lifted high in full surrender to the All Mighty God.

I too, had my palms facing toward heaven with thanksgiving, for the new life that He had given me. A life with no more shame. A life where now I was helping other women, just like me, find healing from the secret of abortion.

Standing there praising Him, I knew I was right where I belong, in the audience and not on the stage.

You see, during my adolescent years, I would perform my dance routines on this very stage. Twirling and moving around in a beautiful costume. Waiting to hear the thunder of applause fill the air and when the final curtain call came I would then take my bow. I would soak in sounds of praise for my great works and as the spotlight bounced off my face, my heart would begin to fill with a desire to carry out my plans for the want more of me.

The day finally came...there I stood behind that same curtain waiting to make my grand entrance, not as a dance student, but as Miss Tammy, the dance teacher. I longed to hear the crowd's approval. How I longed be exalted. I was beginning to arrange the colorful cobblestones on the path I had chosen.

Years have gone by since then and my plans have changed. Today, they are plans directed by God. So, there I stood with over 500 women from around the State of New York, who had traveled to our yearly Assemblies of God Conference.

It was on that day, God spoke these words to me: You are now exalting Me and no longer exalting yourself. And I believe... He said with a smile.




Thursday, February 7, 2013

I was warned...

I heard about you. The way you connect with people. Introducing us to friends around the world. I was warned not to fall for your promises. Promises of casual meetings and that you wouldn't demand too much attention.

 Lies! They were all lies! I've been put under your spell, each day more consumed by you...Mr. Facebook!

Yep! I have fallen and I don't know how to get up...until now!

I'm finding the strength to put boundaries around our relationship with the help of Karen Ehman, author of Let. IT. GO. She has dealt with tangents, like you, in the past and she's walking with me through this journey of... Let. It. Go.

So, here's my plan. I will only visit you three times a day and yes, there will be a time limit, but I haven't decided on those limits...yet. (working on that one...ladyfriends.)  I know what your thinking, its not going to work, well, Karen says..." Give yourself time. Look for progress, not perfection."

Father God, I want You to consume me with Your plans for the day. For my life.