Thursday, October 17, 2013

#perfectlove… was waiting for me in my bathroom.

He notices and cares enough to tell us that our hearts need repair. He won’t leave a notice on our front door, but He did leave Himself as a love letter nailed to the Cross of Calvary, declaring the depth of His perfect love. (Renee Swope, A Confident Heart)
#perfectlove… was waiting for me in my bathroom.

This night was no different then any other night. Taking off our makeup (which we hated doing) was a little time consuming, but time well spent together. I loved the fact that spending time with Sydney (my daughter) no matter what we did or where we were was always blessing to me. During our “ face washing marathon” you would find us sometimes laughing, make faces in the mirror or talking about life’s struggles.

 Soon our time had come to an end as Sydney patted her face dry and she checked herself in the mirror for one last time before exiting the bathroom. Yet there I was, left standing, finishing up the final touches of moisturizer around the eyes.

 Before Sydney enter her bedroom, I heard her stop died in her tracks, and softly whispered “Mommy, I love you so very much…Goodnight!”

 I had heard those words before, but this night was different. This night those words took my breath away. Words spoken of a #perfectlove that only God could give. As she closed the door behind her, I heard another voice deep within my soul. It was gentle but a sound voice, saying… Tammy, now that’s what forgiveness feels like.

 I started wrestling with the words that I had just encountered. But God…

How could she love me so much after years of throwing angry words at her? What about the times she wanted to be held, but all I could do was push her to the side? Do You remember the time I left her and her dad? Where was the love of her mother then, when she so needed me?

 But God…

He knew about all those questions. We had dealt with them years ago, when I finally stopped manipulating the truth of my abortion. Because of my abortion all of my guilt, bitterness, shame and angry had been hurl towards my daughter. I thought…if I wasn’t worthy enough to love the child that I had aborted, how could I possible be worthy of Sydney’s love. Pushing her away was the answer. Making her hate me…isn’t that what I deserved?

But today, He wanted me to believe that all was forgiven. That our relationship was restored and to receive the #perfectlove only He could place in Sydney’s heart towards me. The words that came from my daughter’s lips, God brought forth, to fill my soul and quench the longing of knowing…she has forgiven me.


#perfectlove waits patiently for you to make the journey to the “well” of total surrender.