Saturday, May 30, 2009

In Memory of…

0530091245 Today, I witness the Lord turn 9 women's sorrow into dancing. I had the honor to be a part of another memorial for “Beyond the Choice” abortion recovery.

I remember that day, the day I acknowledge the emptiness in my heart. He was gone because of my right to “choose”. I would never be able to smell his sweetness after his morning bath or to hold him close so he could hear that familiar sound, my heartbeat. It was hard to admit that I had taken his life, the life that I was to protect.

Looking at the table and seeing all the candles lit in memory of  the children, waves of emotion started to take over. It never gets easier watching the ladies reach for the smaller candle to receive the light from the flame of the larger one (representing Jesus) for their child(ren). Then as they turn to face family and friends, I felt their fear, to admit the secret openly for the first time as the tears well up in their eyes and heart. Some read letters to their little ones, others wrote a poem and one sing a song, a lullaby perhaps, to quiet the pain. As each one of them walked back to their seats, they now had the freedom to love their child(ren) and not the shame that once filled their hearts.

God has placed me in an amazing place despite my rebellion. God reached into my alabaster box removing my will and replaced it with His.


In Memory of the Children

Christian Joshua
Joseph Caleb
Joshua Donna
Joshua Dylan
Grace Daniel
Demetre Abigail

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

40 Days for Life

Grab this button over at my friend, Pam. Life is precious!

40 Days for Life


Friday, May 15, 2009

She Showed Me Faith

Being adopted as been a true blessing from God. I wouldn’t have the faith that I have today if it wasn’t for my adopted mother. In the next couple of weeks I would like to share with you how this woman’s faith affected my life. Some of these moments I’ve already written about, but I believe they are worth repeating.

Both of my parents are deceased. My dad has been gone for 8 years and mom went home to be with the Lord 6 years ago. My dad was a loving father but he was a worldly man, relying on his own strength. He believed that when you died, you went into the ground and that was that. He never stood in the way of us going to church, yet on the other hand he never had much good to say about it, either.

Then there was mom, not strong in size but steadfast in her faith with God. I can still remember her smile and the sweetness in her voice. Not a day went by that she didn’t spend time with the Lord.

She was a wise woman. She led a simple life. She never demanded anything that would put the focus on herself. Her words were always kind, her home was always welcoming, and her life displayed the love of Jesus. She had many trials in her life. In the book of James, we are told to consider it “pure joy” when we are faced with trials. By having trials in our life, it causes our faith to grow and prepares us for anything.

It was the day before Easter in the year of 2000 when she fell in the bathtub at the age of 84. On Easter morning she arose with a black eye, her left arm badly bruised, and extreme pain in her neck. She didn’t complain and began putting the final touches to the afternoon dinner that we would be sharing as a family.

Upon my arrival there was mom standing at the kitchen sink. I couldn’t believe what I saw. As she turned around to welcome me, she looked like someone had fit her with a baseball bat, but there was that sweet smile of hers along with this greeting “Dinner will be ready in a few minutes.” Half way through dinner I could see she was in a lot of pain with every lift of the fork, so I convinced her to let me take her to the emergency room. She replied “Okay, but let me finish my dessert.”

We arrived at the hospital, filled out the paper work, had all the necessary testing done and waited for the results. Hours later, which I’m sure was only minutes, the doctor was giving her the news that she had broken the first two vertebras in her neck and instructed her to lay perfectly still and this was her response “Well, at least I didn’t break my glasses” ending with giggle.

You see, mom had gone blind in her left eye a few years back and her good eye was no good without her glasses. After the doctor left, I asked her why she had made that comment. With a smile on her face she said “I pray every night that God will continue to give me sight from my good eye and He did.” I must have had a puzzled look on my face, so she continued “Well, if I had broken my glasses then I wouldn’t have been able to see.”

She laid there with a broken neck not knowing what the future would bring and she wasn’t worried. Wait a minute, she did know what to expect and rested in the palm of His hands.


Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Purple Envelope Project

This link was sent to me by a friend from our CPC and thought you might be interested.


Sunday, May 10, 2009

Happy Mother's Day

This is the woman who taught me to love the Lord with all of my heart,soul and strength. This is my mom... I wasn't placed under her heart but in it.

She went home to be with the Lord 6 years ago.


Friday, May 8, 2009

We're Celebrating

It was 22 years ago today that I said "I do" and promise to until death do us part. For the first 12 years of our marriage, I wanted to undo my "I do" and almost did.

Oh, the things I would have missed out on and the lives of the children would've been turned upside down if we had walked away. But we didn't. God has taken this marriage and has brought it to a place of contentment. Our marriage isn't perfect, but that's what makes it so special because its then I get to see the amazing hand of God work in our lives.

Danny, I love you and I promise to "until death do us part".


God and Mom...Together


Tuesday, May 5, 2009


This Sunday as a nation we will be honoring our mothers. Some of us have fond memories, while others are left with sadness in our heart because of the relationship we didn’t have. Mother’s day has always been difficult for me. Not because of my relationship with my mom, but because I was adopted at the age of two. I have always known my biological mother, and if you were to ask me “is that a good thing?” I would answer you “I’m not sure.”
Some have asked the question “What does it feel like to be adopted?” I simply answer “I don’t know any different.” I’ve always known that I was adopted. As a young child, I would introduce my biological mother as my sister. In my teen years she became known to others as my friend. Today when I speak of her, I say “she is my biological mother”.
Many who’ve known, or have seen a picture of my birth mother, say I look a lot like her. Some have even said “the apple didn’t fall far from tree.” I’ve often wondered where and who I would have been if I had been raised by her.
Oh, don’t get me wrong, I’m very grateful that she ‘chose’ to give me life, and knowing her somehow has given me a sense of identity. It must have been excruciating for her on the day she handed me over to the couple I now call “mom and dad.” I’ll always love her because of her unselfishness.
Many years have passed since that day of sacrifice on her part. You could say her dreams came to an end, while mine were just beginning. She has tried to stay connected through visits, birthday cards, and telephone calls. But if you were to eavesdrop on our conversations, you would know that we are from two different worlds. Even though she claims to know Jesus, and I believe she does, I often wondered if she REALLY knows Jesus. Please understand, I’m not judging her heart but I remember when I lived a very gray life.

There was a time when I was a picker and chooser of God’s Word. I picked and choose what I felt was right for me, which as we all know, doesn’t lead to the abundant life. I believe that today you could say I’m a very black and white person when it comes to God’s Word.
Do I believe that all the words written in that wonderful book are God breathed? YES! The bible is a precious love letter from God.

My life now is about pleasing God, to do His will and the plans that He has set before me. I’ve been raised by a mother who demonstrated through her words and actions to love the Lord with all of our heart, soul and strength. I’ve come to understand that when you mix God’s Word with the ways of the world, you start living with this mind-set;
“You have your way of thinking and I have mine, so let’s not judge each other.”

So, let me ask … Is it judging when you state the righteousness of God?


Friday, May 1, 2009

Because of God

Every time when I sit across from a woman who is broken and a shamed…I’m reminded.

Every time when I watch the tears flow from her eyes, I know she’s finally stopped trying to forgive herself and has embraced God’s forgiveness…I’m reminded.

Every time when I watch another woman walk away after weeks of uncovering her secret sin, I know that God has a special plan for her…I’m reminded.

If you are visiting from Christian Women Online...“Welcome and please look around.”

I am honored and humbled to be able to share my story, God’s Story, with the world.

You may be surprised by my transparency but I assure it's not to shock anyone. I've often wondered what “choice” I would have made, if my friend, who I drove to the abortion clinic, had share her experience with me. I tried not to think about what had just happened as we drove away from the clinic. Under the circumstances, I told her, it was the best decision for everyone and started to talk about my wedding plans. Oh, how self-centered of me, I pray that someday I can tell her how sorry I am for avoiding her pain and loss.

So, you see, I’m not afraid to being reminded of where I came from or who I once was because it causes me to testify of the Goodness of God. To be afraid would only paralyze me and that would bring delight to the enemy.