Saturday, May 10, 2008

I wanted to change

To follow this story, please read post: My Secret Sin 05/0 8/08

As I was going through the bible study it began to show me how I had rationalized my reasoning for the abortion. How I denied myself to grieve. How I was telling myself that God could never really forgive me, could He? The study took about 12 weeks and at the end I did feel better. My relationships were being mended; I started to feel a closeness with my daughter.

But I still had that "secret sin" hidden in my heart. I had told a my best friend the truth but everyone else thought I had a miscarriage, noticed how I added a lie to cover up my secret. Day by day things started getting tough again. The hate and anger started to seep back into my heart and I didn't know why. I tried so hard to love my daughter, to be the kind of mother she would be proud to call "mom." To a lot of people it's hard to understand, how could anyone feel that way? How could someone who calls themselves a "christian" show that much anger and say awful things about their own child. Believe me, I didn't understand but I so desperately wanted to....

1 comment:

Shanita Waters said...

Wow... this is so deep. I am defiantely going to follow this whole story. I praise God for deliverance and forgiveness today.

Bless you, my Sister