Adoption...are you kidding?

A blank look appears on her face as her eyes focus on the two lines of her test, indicating that she’s pregnant. This wasn’t part of her life’s plan, well aleast not for today. She looked at me as if to say…what am I going to do? We talked about her options and that’s when I mention adoption.


She quickly responded …"No. I wouldn't do an adoption thing. If I'm going to carry this baby for 9 months, I'm not going to give it up! I don't want to have an abortion but I can’t have a baby, right now."

Baffling, isn't it? Yet, these words are proclaimed most of the time and I’m grateful, because it then opens a door for me to reply... "You're looking at someone whose birth mother decided to do the adoption thing and I’m grateful she let me live.”


My mother was just shy of 16 when she delivered me at our local hospital. She was alone and scared. She has told me many times that the young man, who was my dad, really loved her and wanted me; her parents, however, had forbidden him to have any contact with her. She also said that during her stay at the hospital, she heard him out in the hallway yelling “I want to see my baby girl. You can’t do this to me. She’s my daughter!” That was the last thing he said before he was escorted out of the hospital by the police officers.


Within a year of my birth, she met her future husband and became pregnant with my sister. The marriage didn’t last long. Like so many women, there she was… a single mother doing the best she knew how.


But reality finally set in when I was about 2 years old and my sister was 6 months. She knew love wouldn’t feed us, put clothes on our backs or a roof over our heads. She had to do something, so she agreed to place us in the welfare of a couple. A couple who promised to raise us as their own and they did!

I’ve never doubted her love or questioned how someone could do such a thing, my thought as always been…how could you not?

Of course, it was a hard decision for her to make, we’ve talked about it many times in person and over the phone. She frequently tells me… “It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done but I wanted what was best for you, girls. I knew I couldn’t give you all the things you and your sister would need.” Everytime I hear those words, I tell her how thankful I am that she thought of us and I silently wispher "Thank you, LORD."

Sharing my story, doesn’t make anyone eager to sign on the dotted line for the adoption plan but my pray is… maybe one day some young lady will see the child’s life and not her own.

She Showed Me Happiness

I stood there for a moment, in the doorway of the hospital room where my mother laid staring at the ceiling. The medal brace that was holding her neck in place, looked so confining. I had never seen her so still. I remember looking at dad as if to say “How is she going to possibly get through this? How are you going to get through this?” Holding back the tears, I walked over to her bedside, and gently touched her hand. “Mom, how are you doing?” I asked. “Oh, honey, I’m alright” she said.

Soon after my arrival, the doctor stopped by with the news. He explained that the first two vertebra's in her neck had been broken and that it was a miracle she was walking. He proceeded to instructed us on how to care for her and made it a point to let us know that the road to recovery would be a long one. With a confidence in his voice he made this statement “She’ll be wearing this neck brace for year or so.” Knowing mom, I’m sure she was thinking…but I know the Great Physician and in His time I will be healed.

( She was completely heal after 8 months and no brace was needed!)

Mom had been home about a month after the accident when I noticed that she seemed to be depressed, which had never been a part of her life. There was a sadness in her eyes, sadness I’d never seen, so I asked her what’s wrong. “You seem so unhappy, it’s not like you, mom”. That’s when she looked at me with tears in her eyes and with a broken voice replied “I can’t read my bible because of this brace.” I immediately jumped up and went looking for her bible. There it laid, right next to her rocking chair were she had left it before the accident. Returning to the table, I sat down and began reading God’s Word to her. In a instant, her smile had returned. I could see the tears being replaced with joy and the darkness had disappeared .

It didn’t take long for us to figure a way to place the bible in front of her, so that she could spend time with her Father. Reading His Word was a daily lifeline for her. Every morning she would sit in her chair with her bible and devotions in her lap to learn more about our wonderful Creator. Then she would bow her head and begin her conversation with Abba Father.

I’m not sure why God blessed me with this wonderful mother, but I will be forever grateful. I learned on that day what my mother already knew; happiness doesn’t come by the way you feel but by Who you know.

She Showed Me Faith

Being adopted as been a true blessing from God. I wouldn’t have the faith that I have today if it wasn’t for my adopted mother. In the next couple of weeks I would like to share with you how this woman’s faith affected my life. Some of these moments I’ve already written about, but I believe they are worth repeating.

Both of my parents are deceased. My dad has been gone for 8 years and mom went home to be with the Lord 6 years ago. My dad was a loving father but he was a worldly man, relying on his own strength. He believed that when you died, you went into the ground and that was that. He never stood in the way of us going to church, yet on the other hand he never had much good to say about it, either.

Then there was mom, not strong in size but steadfast in her faith with God. I can still remember her smile and the sweetness in her voice. Not a day went by that she didn’t spend time with the Lord.

She was a wise woman. She led a simple life. She never demanded anything that would put the focus on herself. Her words were always kind, her home was always welcoming, and her life displayed the love of Jesus. She had many trials in her life. In the book of James, we are told to consider it “pure joy” when we are faced with trials. By having trials in our life, it causes our faith to grow and prepares us for anything.

It was the day before Easter in the year of 2000 when she fell in the bathtub at the age of 84. On Easter morning she arose with a black eye, her left arm badly bruised, and extreme pain in her neck. She didn’t complain and began putting the final touches to the afternoon dinner that we would be sharing as a family.

Upon my arrival there was mom standing at the kitchen sink. I couldn’t believe what I saw. As she turned around to welcome me, she looked like someone had fit her with a baseball bat, but there was that sweet smile of hers along with this greeting “Dinner will be ready in a few minutes.” Half way through dinner I could see she was in a lot of pain with every lift of the fork, so I convinced her to let me take her to the emergency room. She replied “Okay, but let me finish my dessert.”

We arrived at the hospital, filled out the paper work, had all the necessary testing done and waited for the results. Hours later, which I’m sure was only minutes, the doctor was giving her the news that she had broken the first two vertebras in her neck and instructed her to lay perfectly still and this was her response “Well, at least I didn’t break my glasses” ending with giggle.

You see, mom had gone blind in her left eye a few years back and her good eye was no good without her glasses. After the doctor left, I asked her why she had made that comment. With a smile on her face she said “I pray every night that God will continue to give me sight from my good eye and He did.” I must have had a puzzled look on my face, so she continued “Well, if I had broken my glasses then I wouldn’t have been able to see.”

She laid there with a broken neck not knowing what the future would bring and she wasn’t worried. Wait a minute, she did know what to expect and rested in the palm of His hands.

Happy Mother's Day

This is the woman who taught me to love the Lord with all of my heart,soul and strength. This is my mom... I wasn't placed under her heart but in it.

She went home to be with the Lord 6 years ago.

Adopted

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This Sunday as a nation we will be honoring our mothers. Some of us have fond memories, while others are left with sadness in our heart because of the relationship we didn’t have. Mother’s day has always been difficult for me. Not because of my relationship with my mom, but because I was adopted at the age of two. I have always known my biological mother, and if you were to ask me “is that a good thing?” I would answer you “I’m not sure.”

Some have asked the question “What does it feel like to be adopted?” I simply answer “I don’t know any different.” I’ve always known that I was adopted. As a young child, I would introduce my biological mother as my sister. In my teen years she became known to others as my friend. Today when I speak of her, I say “she is my biological mother”.

Many who’ve known, or have seen a picture of my birth mother, say I look a lot like her. Some have even said “the apple didn’t fall far from tree.” I’ve often wondered where and who I would have been if I had been raised by her.

Oh, don’t get me wrong, I’m very grateful that she ‘chose’ to give me life, and knowing her somehow has given me a sense of identity. It must have been excruciating for her on the day she handed me over to the couple I now call “mom and dad.” I’ll always love her because of her unselfishness.

 

Many years have passed since that day of sacrifice on her part. You could say her dreams came to an end, while mine were just beginning. She has tried to stay connected through visits, birthday cards, and telephone calls. But if you were to eavesdrop on our conversations, you would know that we are from two different worlds. Even though she claims to know Jesus, and I believe she does, I often wondered if she REALLY knows Jesus. Please understand, I’m not judging her heart but I remember when I lived a very gray life.

There was a time when I was a picker and chooser of God’s Word. I picked and choose what I felt was right for me, which as we all know, doesn’t lead to the abundant life. I believe that today you could say I’m a very black and white person when it comes to God’s Word.

Do I believe that all the words written in that wonderful book are God breathed? YES! The bible is a precious love letter from God.

My life now is about pleasing God, to do His will and the plans that He has set before me. I’ve been raised by a mother who demonstrated through her words and actions to love the Lord with all of our heart, soul and strength. I’ve come to understand that when you mix God’s Word with the ways of the world, you start living with this mind-set;

“You have your way of thinking and I have mine, so let’s not judge each other.”

So, let me ask … Is it judging when you state the righteousness of God?

Joy of the Lord

This is the day the Lord has made.
We will rejoice and be glad in it.(NLT)
Psalm 118:24
I knew a woman who didn't need much to make her joyful. Most of her time was spent encouraging and serving others. She loved to listen to you even when life wasn't treating you fairly. Not always to give you a solution but a smile as to say "I care."
She always made time for God. Reading His word and having her daily conversation with Him, was at the top of her list. I could see joy written all over her face and a peace that said "I like who I am and where God has me." She knew where to find her joy, even through trails and tribulations.

Thinking about this woman, my mom, it reminded me of just a few weeks ago how I couldn't stop watching the clock. Every time I looked at where the hands were it brought me back to the awful event,that took place on February 6, 2003.

The morning started out pretty normal. I had gotten up to get my daughter off to school only to find out, she was not feeling well. I thought not today, today was my day to visit mom.I enjoyed those days, time alone spent with her. But Sydney was sick and how selfish it would have been to drag her out on a cold February day for the visit. So I headed to the phone to let mom know I wouldn’t be coming up to visit her,but the phone just kept on ringing. I thought to myself “Now that seems odd, she always answers the phone, maybe she is in the bathroom or something; I'll call back a little later."
I waited about a half hour before I tried again and this time she answered. Her voice sounded a little strange as if her mouth was full of marbles. I asked her if she was alright and her reply was “No.” So with a little hesitation, I said "Mom, what is wrong?" She then started to tell me that she was making a cup of tea and her sleeve to her bathrobe had caught on fire. I asked her if she had called 911, she replied "No" but told me the neighbor lady Doris,who was like a sister to her was on her way over. My heart felt like it was beating out of my chest as I told her I would be right up.

I quickly got ready and grab Sydney to drive up to the house. I remember as I was driving asking God to give me strength. The thoughts racing through my mind were terrifying,was this the day mom was going home to be with the Lord? What was I going to do? I had lost dad 2 years ago and now mom, I wasn't ready. I remembering asking God if she was going to alright and he whispered "She's coming home."

Even though the ride was 20 minutes away, it seem like hours. As I pulled in the driveway I tried to get Sydney to come in with me but she wouldn't. I have to say it was the first time I was glad she said "No." As I walked towards the house I asked God to help me and to clear my mind. When I opened the door, the kitchen was full of smoke. I saw Doris and Laura,mom's other friend standing next to the sink and the look on their faces said it all.

"Doris, is she alright?" I asked. Shaking her head,she said "Your mom is laying on the couch and it isn't good." As I walking towards the living room, I looked down and there on the kitchen floor I saw the melted imprint of her slipper...my heart sank. Just a few feet ahead of me mom was laying on the couch with a white sheet covering her body. She didn't look like mom except for that sweet smile of hers. I tried so hard to hold back the tears. I knelt down beside her and asked her if she was in a lot of pain. She whispered softly "Oh no honey, I am fine."

She was taken to the hospital where she died at 4:15 that afternoon. Her burns were severe, 90% of her body was covered with 3 degree burns.The doctor later told me that she was surprised mom didn't go into shock until after she was on her way to the hospital. I believe God wanted me to know He was with her during that tragic ordeal. It was His grace and very presence of All Mighty God that held her hand.

Evening had fallen and I still couldn't believed what had happened. I went to bed asking God "Why?" I remember waking up at around 4:00 the next morning with such heaviness in my heart,so I went downstairs a knelt beside my couch. I began crying out to the only One who had all the answers. I knew He was listening . I knew He felt my pain. I knew He was in control of everything and yet my one question was "Why would you let this happen to someone who was so faithful, who never worried about anything because she trusted You?" I couldn't stop crying, I wanted answers but I heard nothing. I cried out,again "Why, God, why?"

A few days had passed and I still was searching for answers. I couldn't stop asking God the same question "Why?" But there on my knees, broken, as my heartached,I began to feel God's presence. It was like He had lend over, placed His hand on my shoulder and whispered in my ear..."Not even the devil could steal her joy." It was then my heart felt peace, you know, the peace that surpass all understanding.

I have found strength, peace and joy in those words that the Lord spoke to me that day. I want to be a woman just like my mom,who completely trusted God,even to the very end. She knew her joy came when her eyes were fixed on Jesus.

Inner Beauty

II Corinthians 4:16

Yes, as I look into the mirror I can see it, I'm getting older. Everyday I take a step closer looking like a wiser woman. Wasn't it just yesterday that I could apply my make-up without watching it move from here to there? I also remember the times in my life that when I arose in the morning I could move without any pain.
I once knew a woman who wasn't concerned about getting older. Yet she was always working on herself, making sure that every morning was spend with the Lord. Her conversations with God seemed to go on for hours at least that's how it appeared to me as a young girl. I saw passed the wrinkles and the tried old body as I would look at her. And there I would see her willingness and faithfulness to seek His Kingdom first. I realize now that is what made her the beauty she was.
God, give me the longing to seek You everyday. To be faithful and willing to allow You to press me on all sides so that I will have that inner beauty that my mother displayed. Amen
II Corinthians 4:16