To follow this story start with: My Secret Sin 5/08/08
It had been a year since that awful day in September. The day that Satan put his finally plans into motion. He was out to kill, steal and destroy every area of my daughter’s life and he was using me as the final touch.
It had been a year of praying, of doubtfulness as a Christian leader and pretending I was that ‘got it all together mom’. Even as I continued to struggle in reaching out to my daughter, God continuously reached out to me. He was persistent. He never left me, but directed me to what would later be just another step closer to my secret sin.
My days’ volunteering at the center was causing my heart to be broken, to be filled with compassion. I must confess, at times it seemed hard for me to reach out to women, who just like me, had made the same bad choices. But there I was every week at the center surrounded by the very thing that caused my heart to turn to stone. Week after week I would see the pain and desperation on the faces of the women who came looking for answers.
It seemed like every time I was there, I would be asked to do a pregnancy test for someone waiting to find out the answer to her future. I know now, that God was drawing me to a place of total healing.
I knew that it was where God wanted me. I wasn’t there to make a decision for them on what to do next with the information that they had received. But I was there to share the truth, to share my story with these women.
As I got more comfortable revealing my past to the women at the center, God started to nudge me yet again, to share my story, but this time with a larger audience. He wanted me to share with the teens in our youth group at church. It had been sometime since I had visited the youth group because my daughter, on more then one occasion, made it known that it was her time to be an individual but that night I decided to step over the line. I told her that I just wanted to check it out and promised that I wouldn’t humiliate her. At the end of worship the youth pastor began talking about some of the subjects that would be shared in the upcoming weeks and one of them was on abortion.
Immediately I thought, I know all too well about that subject. Could it be another nudge from God?