At the sound of the bell...well, not literally.
Dad pretended to be the bell that would sound off..."Ding, ding" for the wrestling match that was about to take place. My sister and I would shuffle to left, then to the right, pause for a moment to size each other up before we made our next move. Within seconds, we'd go round and round in circle until one of us got the perfect hold to bring our opponent to the ground. At that moment, dad would declare the winner...my sister!
Oh....this last month, I've been in a wrestling match and my sister was not the opponent. I've been going back and forth, round and round with doubt. My prayers felt like they were falling to the floor. I was searching His Word daily and coming up dry. I was telling God that I want more of Him yet I felt no connection. I started to compare myself with other bible teachers, bloggers and it seemed that every time I spoke, I was saying NOTHING! Satan was using some great moves. He almost had that perfect hold to bring me down. I was ready to throw in the towel. To step away from the abortion recovery ministry, to stop teaching our womens bible study at church and not be so vocal about my story (God's story)... but then GOD stepped in.
Jeremiah 17:7-8 But blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD,I had become relaxed in my walk with Him. Even though I was meeting with Him everyday, my roots were just laying on the surface. I wasn't trusting God with my whole heart. I started to believe that if I wasn't getting something amazing out of His word, that He was done using me. I had stepped into the enemy's arena and doubt had it's grip on me.
whose confidence is in him. 8 He will be like a tree planted by the water
that sends out its roots by the stream.
It does not fear when heat comes;
its leaves are always green.
It has no worries in a year of drought
and never fails to bear fruit."
James 1:5-8 ( Amplified Bible) If any of you is deficient in wisdom, let him ask of the giving God [Who gives] to everyone liberally and ungrudgingly, without reproaching or faultfinding, and it will be given him.I started listening to the lies, then I believed them and came very close to stepping over the line. Then God placed this on my heart...My Word is amazing every time you read it.
6Only it must be in faith that he asks with no wavering (no hesitating, no doubting). For the one who wavers (hesitates, doubts) is like the billowing surge out at sea that is blown hither and thither and tossed by the wind.
7For truly, let not such a person imagine that he will receive anything [he asks for] from the Lord,
8[For being as he is] a man of two minds (hesitating, dubious, irresolute), [he is] unstable and unreliable and uncertain about everything [he thinks, feels, decides].
It was God who placed these ministries in my life, to serve Him and the enemy wanted nothing more then to destroy His plans. I confess that this isn't the first time I've been doubled-minded but it was the darkest.
I think there was two reasons God asked me to write with "no comments." First, was I going to be obedient. Second, the emails I've received, I was shown that this blog has always been about Him and I've just been the vessel. Receiving comments is His way of showing us that we are on the right path.
So, give Him the glory and leave a comment.
Thank you all for your prayers!