Tuesday Testimony

Today is Transparent Tuesday over at Tracy’s Transparent Life, where telling your testimony could help change someone’s life. I’m sure God has done something amazing in your life, so won’t you come and join us? To get the whole story start here: January 6.
I would like to take you back about 3 years before that September morning.

My husband and I along with our daughter had just finished watching the movie…Tilly(http://www.frankperetti.com/product/261.htm?parentid=1369) you might remember in a earlier post, I had mentioned the audio tape of Tilly.It’s about a woman and her husband who had an abortion in the early years of their marriage. They never spoke about it until something triggered her to start thinking about their child again. It was then she started to experience Post Abortion Syndrome. (http://www.inourmidst.com/reactions_effects.htm#pas)

Many of you might be thinking, why we would be watching this kind of movie with Sydney? I assure you, she only knew that abortion was not the will of God and it meant a life had been ended. This movie is wonderfully done and speaks of the forgiveness of God.

As the movie ended, we all sat there on the couch with tears running down our faces. No one was speaking. The room had now been filled with the sound of silence. It was then,Sydney turned to me and in her soft voice whispered “Mommy, do you know anyone who had an abortion?” After taking a deep breath...I replied “Yes.” Then came the one question I feared the most, once again in her child-like voice she asked “Mommy, did you ever have an abortion?”

At that moment my world stopped. I wasn't sure what to say. I wanted to pretend that I didn’t hear the question that was now piercing my heart. I wanted to lie, yet I had prayed many times for the opportunity to someday tell my children, but not today, I wasn’t ready. I wanted to say “no” and go on with my life. But my life was no longer mine, it belonged to God. I knew in my heart God was opening the door to my secret sin. He was about to take me one step closer to a place called…trust.

Immediately, my throat became dry as fear gripped my heart. I was so full of shame. I remember looking over at my husband, as if to say “Should we tell her?” As soon as his eyes meet mine, I knew the answer. I reached out and place her hand in mine, while all the time praying in my heart that God would give me the words to help her understand. I wasn’t sure if she would ever comprehend why we chose to end our child’s life…but I knew it was time to tell her the truth.

There was someone else who also needed to know the truth and that was my son, from a previous marriage. We had told him at the time of my pregnancy that I had a miscarriage. This lie had been stored in Ryan’s heart for sixteen years. So, God in his sovereignty after two years of revealing the truth to our daughter opened the door to uncover my hidden secret with my son.

Telling my children was far from being easy but the burden of not talking about my other child, their brother, was destroying me and my family. For many years, I feared judgment from my children but what I received was forgiveness.