Proverbs 16:18 (The Message) First pride, then the crash— the bigger the ego, the harder the fall.
I had seen this verse before but it never touch my heart with conviction until the day I was at my daughter's soccer banquet.
There I stood in line, plate in hand, ready to grab a piece of angel food cake. Wait a minute, I didn't really want angle food cake. What I really wanted was brownies, chocolate chip cookies and let's not forget the chocolate cake with all that chocolate frosting on top. I know what your thinking "All that chocolate" well, a girl can't have to much chocolate.
As I stood there in line I felt so proud of how I was displaying all this willpower. I would show all those people who couldn't control their fleshly desires that I would reach for the least of the calories. So, as I made my way to the angle food cake, I thought, wait a minute, I'll show everyone the great willpower I have, I won't eat any of it. So,I turned around, walked over to the garbage can and threw away my clean empty plate.
I wondered if anyone had seen me and if they were thinking to themselves "How I wished I had that much control over sweets." I began to walk towards the center of the room, well maybe a little off to the side, I didn't want to be too obvious. As I was standing there with a small glass of water in hand, I began observing everyone else as the desserts were being piled high on their plates. I proudly sucked in my stomach and waited for the event to end.
What accomplishment I had made,not one brownie, not even a crumb had touched my lips. All the way home I had this feeling of victory. How proud I felt as I pulled into the driveway. Walking into the kitchen I laid the container of brownies that had returned untouched nicely on the counter top. Oh, I was so proud of myself to think that I overcame temptation. I even bragged to my husband, who couldn't go because of work, about my victory.
I got into my pj's and waited for everyone to go to bed so I could have my usual time to unwind. There I sat in front of the wide-screen TV just minding my own business when all of a sudden I heard that voice. You know, the one that comes to you when you are alone, when you least expect it. Some call this voice their own(sometime it is) but this time I knew it was the enemy, Satan himself, but what happened next I never expected.
Slowly I was being convinced to have just one little taste of a BROWNIE!!!!! I tried to put up a good fight but in the end I lost. There I sat on the couch, with the evidence of brown crumbs laying on my bathrobe, I slowly lifted my hand putting the last brownie into my mouth.You see, I had already eaten 5 large brownies along with a tall glass of milk,at least the milk (1%) was healthy. I went to bed defeated,again.
I'll never forget the next morning when I woke up, I felt awful. How could I have been so easy of a target, I knew about the battle that goes on in the mind. I told myself well, today is a new day and you have another chance. You see, night eating has always been a struggle for me and I hate it. I workout and eat right during the day but when nighttime comes, need I say more, you know the rest of the story.
After my daughter was off to school I sat down to spend time with the Lord. In my prayer I told Him how I felt about this eating thing and how I hated this constant struggle. That is when He reminded me that I keep trying to do is alone and the pride thing, it always gets in the way. My heart was convicted. He also reminded me that whenever I was in public and there was food around I always tried to make an impression. I always have the 'look at me' attitude. I knew He was right, so I asked He to forgive me and thanked Him for a new start.
I like to tell you since my conversation it's been easy sailing, but to be honest, pride still tries to raise his ugly head. When moments like this come my way I send up a little prayer and say "God, I need your help, I never want to be prideful again." Amen
Monday, March 10, 2008
Friday, February 15, 2008
Joy of the Lord
This is the day the Lord has made.
We will rejoice and be glad in it.(NLT)
Psalm 118:24
I knew a woman who didn't need much to make her joyful. Most of her time was spent encouraging and serving others. She loved to listen to you even when life wasn't treating you fairly. Not always to give you a solution but a smile as to say "I care."
She always made time for God. Reading His word and having her daily conversation with Him, was at the top of her list. I could see joy written all over her face and a peace that said "I like who I am and where God has me." She knew where to find her joy, even through trails and tribulations.
Thinking about this woman, my mom, it reminded me of just a few weeks ago how I couldn't stop watching the clock. Every time I looked at where the hands were it brought me back to the awful event,that took place on February 6, 2003.
The morning started out pretty normal. I had gotten up to get my daughter off to school only to find out, she was not feeling well. I thought not today, today was my day to visit mom.I enjoyed those days, time alone spent with her. But Sydney was sick and how selfish it would have been to drag her out on a cold February day for the visit. So I headed to the phone to let mom know I wouldn’t be coming up to visit her,but the phone just kept on ringing. I thought to myself “Now that seems odd, she always answers the phone, maybe she is in the bathroom or something; I'll call back a little later."
I waited about a half hour before I tried again and this time she answered. Her voice sounded a little strange as if her mouth was full of marbles. I asked her if she was alright and her reply was “No.” So with a little hesitation, I said "Mom, what is wrong?" She then started to tell me that she was making a cup of tea and her sleeve to her bathrobe had caught on fire. I asked her if she had called 911, she replied "No" but told me the neighbor lady Doris,who was like a sister to her was on her way over. My heart felt like it was beating out of my chest as I told her I would be right up.
I quickly got ready and grab Sydney to drive up to the house. I remember as I was driving asking God to give me strength. The thoughts racing through my mind were terrifying,was this the day mom was going home to be with the Lord? What was I going to do? I had lost dad 2 years ago and now mom, I wasn't ready. I remembering asking God if she was going to alright and he whispered "She's coming home."
Even though the ride was 20 minutes away, it seem like hours. As I pulled in the driveway I tried to get Sydney to come in with me but she wouldn't. I have to say it was the first time I was glad she said "No." As I walked towards the house I asked God to help me and to clear my mind. When I opened the door, the kitchen was full of smoke. I saw Doris and Laura,mom's other friend standing next to the sink and the look on their faces said it all.
"Doris, is she alright?" I asked. Shaking her head,she said "Your mom is laying on the couch and it isn't good." As I walking towards the living room, I looked down and there on the kitchen floor I saw the melted imprint of her slipper...my heart sank. Just a few feet ahead of me mom was laying on the couch with a white sheet covering her body. She didn't look like mom except for that sweet smile of hers. I tried so hard to hold back the tears. I knelt down beside her and asked her if she was in a lot of pain. She whispered softly "Oh no honey, I am fine."
She was taken to the hospital where she died at 4:15 that afternoon. Her burns were severe, 90% of her body was covered with 3 degree burns.The doctor later told me that she was surprised mom didn't go into shock until after she was on her way to the hospital. I believe God wanted me to know He was with her during that tragic ordeal. It was His grace and very presence of All Mighty God that held her hand.
Evening had fallen and I still couldn't believed what had happened. I went to bed asking God "Why?" I remember waking up at around 4:00 the next morning with such heaviness in my heart,so I went downstairs a knelt beside my couch. I began crying out to the only One who had all the answers. I knew He was listening . I knew He felt my pain. I knew He was in control of everything and yet my one question was "Why would you let this happen to someone who was so faithful, who never worried about anything because she trusted You?" I couldn't stop crying, I wanted answers but I heard nothing. I cried out,again "Why, God, why?"
A few days had passed and I still was searching for answers. I couldn't stop asking God the same question "Why?" But there on my knees, broken, as my heartached,I began to feel God's presence. It was like He had lend over, placed His hand on my shoulder and whispered in my ear..."Not even the devil could steal her joy." It was then my heart felt peace, you know, the peace that surpass all understanding.
I have found strength, peace and joy in those words that the Lord spoke to me that day. I want to be a woman just like my mom,who completely trusted God,even to the very end. She knew her joy came when her eyes were fixed on Jesus.
We will rejoice and be glad in it.(NLT)
Psalm 118:24
I knew a woman who didn't need much to make her joyful. Most of her time was spent encouraging and serving others. She loved to listen to you even when life wasn't treating you fairly. Not always to give you a solution but a smile as to say "I care."
She always made time for God. Reading His word and having her daily conversation with Him, was at the top of her list. I could see joy written all over her face and a peace that said "I like who I am and where God has me." She knew where to find her joy, even through trails and tribulations.
Thinking about this woman, my mom, it reminded me of just a few weeks ago how I couldn't stop watching the clock. Every time I looked at where the hands were it brought me back to the awful event,that took place on February 6, 2003.
The morning started out pretty normal. I had gotten up to get my daughter off to school only to find out, she was not feeling well. I thought not today, today was my day to visit mom.I enjoyed those days, time alone spent with her. But Sydney was sick and how selfish it would have been to drag her out on a cold February day for the visit. So I headed to the phone to let mom know I wouldn’t be coming up to visit her,but the phone just kept on ringing. I thought to myself “Now that seems odd, she always answers the phone, maybe she is in the bathroom or something; I'll call back a little later."
I waited about a half hour before I tried again and this time she answered. Her voice sounded a little strange as if her mouth was full of marbles. I asked her if she was alright and her reply was “No.” So with a little hesitation, I said "Mom, what is wrong?" She then started to tell me that she was making a cup of tea and her sleeve to her bathrobe had caught on fire. I asked her if she had called 911, she replied "No" but told me the neighbor lady Doris,who was like a sister to her was on her way over. My heart felt like it was beating out of my chest as I told her I would be right up.
I quickly got ready and grab Sydney to drive up to the house. I remember as I was driving asking God to give me strength. The thoughts racing through my mind were terrifying,was this the day mom was going home to be with the Lord? What was I going to do? I had lost dad 2 years ago and now mom, I wasn't ready. I remembering asking God if she was going to alright and he whispered "She's coming home."
Even though the ride was 20 minutes away, it seem like hours. As I pulled in the driveway I tried to get Sydney to come in with me but she wouldn't. I have to say it was the first time I was glad she said "No." As I walked towards the house I asked God to help me and to clear my mind. When I opened the door, the kitchen was full of smoke. I saw Doris and Laura,mom's other friend standing next to the sink and the look on their faces said it all.
"Doris, is she alright?" I asked. Shaking her head,she said "Your mom is laying on the couch and it isn't good." As I walking towards the living room, I looked down and there on the kitchen floor I saw the melted imprint of her slipper...my heart sank. Just a few feet ahead of me mom was laying on the couch with a white sheet covering her body. She didn't look like mom except for that sweet smile of hers. I tried so hard to hold back the tears. I knelt down beside her and asked her if she was in a lot of pain. She whispered softly "Oh no honey, I am fine."
She was taken to the hospital where she died at 4:15 that afternoon. Her burns were severe, 90% of her body was covered with 3 degree burns.The doctor later told me that she was surprised mom didn't go into shock until after she was on her way to the hospital. I believe God wanted me to know He was with her during that tragic ordeal. It was His grace and very presence of All Mighty God that held her hand.
Evening had fallen and I still couldn't believed what had happened. I went to bed asking God "Why?" I remember waking up at around 4:00 the next morning with such heaviness in my heart,so I went downstairs a knelt beside my couch. I began crying out to the only One who had all the answers. I knew He was listening . I knew He felt my pain. I knew He was in control of everything and yet my one question was "Why would you let this happen to someone who was so faithful, who never worried about anything because she trusted You?" I couldn't stop crying, I wanted answers but I heard nothing. I cried out,again "Why, God, why?"
A few days had passed and I still was searching for answers. I couldn't stop asking God the same question "Why?" But there on my knees, broken, as my heartached,I began to feel God's presence. It was like He had lend over, placed His hand on my shoulder and whispered in my ear..."Not even the devil could steal her joy." It was then my heart felt peace, you know, the peace that surpass all understanding.
I have found strength, peace and joy in those words that the Lord spoke to me that day. I want to be a woman just like my mom,who completely trusted God,even to the very end. She knew her joy came when her eyes were fixed on Jesus.
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
Romans 12:1-2
And so, dear brothers and sisters, I plead with you to give your bodies to God because of all he has done for you. Let them be a living and holy sacrifice—the kind he will find acceptable. This is truly the way to worship him. 2 Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.
When this sciripture was revealed to me it changed my life. I learned that I needed to give up my worldly desires and sinful thoughts. To take my eyes off things that weren't pure , good and pleasing to God. It was difficult and at times it still is but isn't that the least I can do, look at what Jesus did for us. The pain, suffering and seperation from His Father so that we could, if we accept it, have enteral life.
We must not live in our sins. We must not pick one sin over another just because it's degree of acceptance. Please let not Christ's death and suffering be in vain.
But rise above it all by putting God's Word in our mind, meditate on it daily. Let our eyes look on things that are pure, let our ears hear things that are holy and allow His words to penetrate our hearts.
It is only then you will see what purpose God has planned for you.
Go ahead an give it a try. Become willing to be a doer of the Word, then you will know what is pleasing to Him. He just doesn't want our worship and living sacrifices on Sundays. But He wants our worship and living sacrifices daily.
When this sciripture was revealed to me it changed my life. I learned that I needed to give up my worldly desires and sinful thoughts. To take my eyes off things that weren't pure , good and pleasing to God. It was difficult and at times it still is but isn't that the least I can do, look at what Jesus did for us. The pain, suffering and seperation from His Father so that we could, if we accept it, have enteral life.
We must not live in our sins. We must not pick one sin over another just because it's degree of acceptance. Please let not Christ's death and suffering be in vain.
But rise above it all by putting God's Word in our mind, meditate on it daily. Let our eyes look on things that are pure, let our ears hear things that are holy and allow His words to penetrate our hearts.
It is only then you will see what purpose God has planned for you.
Go ahead an give it a try. Become willing to be a doer of the Word, then you will know what is pleasing to Him. He just doesn't want our worship and living sacrifices on Sundays. But He wants our worship and living sacrifices daily.
Friday, February 1, 2008
Monday, January 14, 2008
Why Not?
God has soften my heart in the area of mentoring. If you read the blog before this one you will know what I am talking about. I have been mentoring this young lady for about a year and I absolutely love our talks. Watching her grow in her love and faith for God so blesses my heart. I sometime think "Why God, why me?" then He whispers in in my ear "Why not?"
Tuesday, January 8, 2008
God had planned it all
I have been volunteering at a pregnancy crisis center for almost 2 years. I remember God asking me to give up some of my personal time, now that our daughter was in high school. When I first offered my services I was just going to answer the phone. Now to be perfectly honest with you answering the phone was not something I felt comfortable doing. But by answering the phone it meant I didn't have to get too close to the clients.
I always thought that I could never have the compassion or mercy to interact with the young women who came into the center. I felt "well, you made your bed now slept in it." Within a few month I was asked if I could work in the boutique about once month. I said "yes" but with hesitation because that meant I would have to talk to the girls as their were shopping for baby items. I remember one young girl I was talking to in particular. She began to tell me about her life, dreams and the future that she wanted for her children. The more we talked, the more I wanted to get to know her.
Not long after that her mentor was leaving and the program director asked me if I would like to try mentoring her. I knew without a doubt that God had planned it all and He was about to soften another piece of my heart.
I always thought that I could never have the compassion or mercy to interact with the young women who came into the center. I felt "well, you made your bed now slept in it." Within a few month I was asked if I could work in the boutique about once month. I said "yes" but with hesitation because that meant I would have to talk to the girls as their were shopping for baby items. I remember one young girl I was talking to in particular. She began to tell me about her life, dreams and the future that she wanted for her children. The more we talked, the more I wanted to get to know her.
Not long after that her mentor was leaving and the program director asked me if I would like to try mentoring her. I knew without a doubt that God had planned it all and He was about to soften another piece of my heart.
Monday, December 24, 2007
Have you ever?
Have you ever had someone who spoke words that gave you hope?
This morning during my time with God he reminded me of a woman who I will call Doreen. She was a client of mine back when I worked in a nail salon. Every 4th week Doreen would come to the salon to relax and get pampered. Our conversation would start out with "how have you been?" or "do you have any plans for the weekend?" After a few minutes of listening politely to what had been going on in her life, I would then begin to complain about my family life. Like how miserable I was being married and how my daughter wouldn't listen to me at all. When I now think about all the nasty things I would say (while I proclaimed I was a christian)it must have made her sick at heart. She had a relationship with Jesus. Many times she would speak truth to me. I didn't not realize then but I now know that she was planting seeds.
My life has changed so much since our talks at the salon. My husband and I have been married for 20 years and my relationship with my daughter has been renewed. I haven't seen Doreen for quite sometime but I am very thankful for the words that she spoke to me. For encouraging me to read my bible, spend time with God and go to church even when I didn't feel like it. I know that she prayed for my family and me. That we would find the hope and contentment only God could give us.
So, when someone who feels that life is unfair begins to share their story with me, I listen and pray. I ask God to give me the words that He wants me to speak to her. To encourage her to press on and not give up because you never know when that blessing is about to happen.
This morning during my time with God he reminded me of a woman who I will call Doreen. She was a client of mine back when I worked in a nail salon. Every 4th week Doreen would come to the salon to relax and get pampered. Our conversation would start out with "how have you been?" or "do you have any plans for the weekend?" After a few minutes of listening politely to what had been going on in her life, I would then begin to complain about my family life. Like how miserable I was being married and how my daughter wouldn't listen to me at all. When I now think about all the nasty things I would say (while I proclaimed I was a christian)it must have made her sick at heart. She had a relationship with Jesus. Many times she would speak truth to me. I didn't not realize then but I now know that she was planting seeds.
My life has changed so much since our talks at the salon. My husband and I have been married for 20 years and my relationship with my daughter has been renewed. I haven't seen Doreen for quite sometime but I am very thankful for the words that she spoke to me. For encouraging me to read my bible, spend time with God and go to church even when I didn't feel like it. I know that she prayed for my family and me. That we would find the hope and contentment only God could give us.
So, when someone who feels that life is unfair begins to share their story with me, I listen and pray. I ask God to give me the words that He wants me to speak to her. To encourage her to press on and not give up because you never know when that blessing is about to happen.
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