Pride

Proverbs 16:18 (The Message) First pride, then the crash— the bigger the ego, the harder the fall.

I had seen this verse before but it never touch my heart with conviction until the day I was at my daughter's soccer banquet.

There I stood in line, plate in hand, ready to grab a piece of angel food cake. Wait a minute, I didn't really want angle food cake. What I really wanted was brownies, chocolate chip cookies and let's not forget the chocolate cake with all that chocolate frosting on top. I know what your thinking "All that chocolate" well, a girl can't have to much chocolate.

As I stood there in line I felt so proud of how I was displaying all this willpower. I would show all those people who couldn't control their fleshly desires that I would reach for the least of the calories. So, as I made my way to the angle food cake, I thought, wait a minute, I'll show everyone the great willpower I have, I won't eat any of it. So,I turned around, walked over to the garbage can and threw away my clean empty plate.
I wondered if anyone had seen me and if they were thinking to themselves "How I wished I had that much control over sweets." I began to walk towards the center of the room, well maybe a little off to the side, I didn't want to be too obvious. As I was standing there with a small glass of water in hand, I began observing everyone else as the desserts were being piled high on their plates. I proudly sucked in my stomach and waited for the event to end.

What accomplishment I had made,not one brownie, not even a crumb had touched my lips. All the way home I had this feeling of victory. How proud I felt as I pulled into the driveway. Walking into the kitchen I laid the container of brownies that had returned untouched nicely on the counter top. Oh, I was so proud of myself to think that I overcame temptation. I even bragged to my husband, who couldn't go because of work, about my victory.

I got into my pj's and waited for everyone to go to bed so I could have my usual time to unwind. There I sat in front of the wide-screen TV just minding my own business when all of a sudden I heard that voice. You know, the one that comes to you when you are alone, when you least expect it. Some call this voice their own(sometime it is) but this time I knew it was the enemy, Satan himself, but what happened next I never expected.

Slowly I was being convinced to have just one little taste of a BROWNIE!!!!! I tried to put up a good fight but in the end I lost. There I sat on the couch, with the evidence of brown crumbs laying on my bathrobe, I slowly lifted my hand putting the last brownie into my mouth.You see, I had already eaten 5 large brownies along with a tall glass of milk,at least the milk (1%) was healthy. I went to bed defeated,again.

I'll never forget the next morning when I woke up, I felt awful. How could I have been so easy of a target, I knew about the battle that goes on in the mind. I told myself well, today is a new day and you have another chance. You see, night eating has always been a struggle for me and I hate it. I workout and eat right during the day but when nighttime comes, need I say more, you know the rest of the story.

After my daughter was off to school I sat down to spend time with the Lord. In my prayer I told Him how I felt about this eating thing and how I hated this constant struggle. That is when He reminded me that I keep trying to do is alone and the pride thing, it always gets in the way. My heart was convicted. He also reminded me that whenever I was in public and there was food around I always tried to make an impression. I always have the 'look at me' attitude. I knew He was right, so I asked He to forgive me and thanked Him for a new start.

I like to tell you since my conversation it's been easy sailing, but to be honest, pride still tries to raise his ugly head. When moments like this come my way I send up a little prayer and say "God, I need your help, I never want to be prideful again." Amen