Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Yes To God On Tuesday

Thank you for dropping by and joining me with our host Lelia, who is leading us through an online bible study. The author Lisa Whittle wrote the book titled “Behind Those Eyes” so that we, as women would desire to go deeper in to our souls and not hide ‘behind those eyes.’

Highlighted in purple is from Lisa's book

I tried. I tried to let go of the awful memories. I remember asking God to forgive me that day I walked into the clinic, so I could continue on with my life. I laid there staring at the small white blocks on the ceiling, again whispering “God, please forgive me.” Walking out clinic and hearing the door close behind me, I wasn’t sure if this rebellious act I had just committed could ever be forgiven. (Read the whole story, here)

I walked around for years with this secret…my abortion. Even as a Christian, I thought my sin was too awful to really believe that God would forgive me. But God brought down the wall I had built to hide my secret; through a bible study called Forgiven and Set Free and with the help of someone who had been there. Yes, I was forgiven by God yet I still couldn’t forgive myself.

This chapter speaks about forgiveness… While Satan would love for you to believe that you are too flawed and too unworthy of forgiveness, Jesus wants you to know that nothing could be farther from truth. You see, there was nothing I could ever do to make Jesus not love me. Here was something else Lisa wrote…Jesus Christ loves and forgives you without conditions, Period.

So, what was the problem? Why was I struggling with depression, shame and the hatred towards my daughter?

Then one day as I was reading God’s Word, another piece of truth was set before me,
Proverbs 28:13 People who conceal their sins will not prosper, but if they confess and turn from them, they will receive mercy.

At first I didn’t understand, I told God that I had confessed my sin (sins) and I was truly sorry. He said “I know, but read on, what’s it say after the confession?” I read the verse again, but this time out loud and it was screaming out at me…turn from them!
God wanted me to know that I was the one going back to the cross where Jesus said "It is finished” and holding on to my sin that I had confessed. I was the one, who was allowing Satan too constantly bring up my past. I had to forsake them. At that moment,I realized I couldn’t forgive myself,God had never asked that of me. God had asked me to receive His forgiveness after my confession!

My sin had been removed and God wanted me to get on with the life He had planned for me. He remembered no more, Psalms 103:12 says…As far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us."

So now, when I meet with someone who is struggling with their sin of abortion or an act of sin that has been done to them and they say “I know God has forgiven me but I can’t forgive myself”. I tell them your right, you can’t forgive yourself, God only ask that you forgive the person who has wronged you and receive His forgiveness toward your sin. It was His Son who was crucified for your transgressions. It’s the blood of Jesus who can only cover our sins and make them as white as snow. Your job is to confess, lay them at the cross, walk away and receive God’s mercy.

As coordinator of our abortion recovery program at the center, we always have memorial service, for the women to be able to grieve their loss at the end of the bible study. I would like to share a poem with you that we use as part of our memorial and I think says it all.

A Pre-born Child’s Conversation with His Heavenly Father

Father God, when is my mommy going to be here?
Soon, my child, soon.
Can you tell me how long?
There is no measure of time with me, my child. She is busy right now doing the work I’ve given her to do. When all that is done, she’ll be here.Is she going to know me when she gets here?
Yes, she will, my child. I’ll let her know.What does she look like, Father God?
Why, she looks a lot like you, my child. The same color hair, the same eyes, the same nose; you resemble her a lot.
What do you think she’s going to do when she sees me?
She will run to you, take you in her arms, and love you just as any other loving Mother would do.
Father God, why has she never held me in her arms before?
She never had the chance to do so, my child.Why did she never have the chance, Father God?
I don’t remember, my child. (Della Baker Hutto-March 1994)

Did you catch what He said?


Cindy said...

Thank you Tammy, for sharing this part of your journey with God.

Darlene said...

There is no way I can begin to explain to you what this post has meant to me.

Thank you for obediently sharing your "flaws", so that others may taste and know His freedom.

You are a precious sister in Christ to me.


KMTM1970 said...


How brave and courageous you are to share with us. Thank you.

"At that moment,I realized I couldn’t forgive myself,God had never asked that of me. God had asked me to receive His forgiveness after my confession!" -- There are a lot of women who need to hear this and not just related to abortion issues either.


Chatty Kelly said...

That was just beautiful. The poem sent shivers down my spine. To think we have a God that says "I don't remember" to all our sins/mistakes - I love my God so much. He doesn't throw my errors in my face the way mankind does. He forgives me and together we move forward.

Laura said...

Tammy, this post made me cry. So beautiful. Bless you for turning from the past and trusting in His forgiveness. But even moreso, bless you for encouraging others through similar journeys.
You are a gem.

Lelia Chealey said...

Wow!!! Beautiful...as usual. Love coming by here, just wished we lived closer.
Love your new profile pic.

Lori said...

Hi Tammy,

Glad you found my blog. Now I found yours, and I love it! Loved this post! I too, had PAS, and I also went through the Forgiven and Set Free Bible Study - very healing. PAS ministry is a great ministry. I am involved with our local pregnancy center. I am a volunteer counselor one day a week...love it.

Well,just wanted to say hi, and I'll be coming back. Stop by my blog anytime. Blessings to you!

Edie said...

"turn from them!" I had never looked at it from that perspective before. Wow.

The story at the end made me cry. My own sin.

Edie said...

Oh hey! I like your new profile picutre. I didn't recognize it and was surprised when it brought me here. LOL.

Liz said...

So beautiful. Rarely do tears come to my eyes as I am not a "crier", but your post touches my heart. I love it. He does not remember. It is as far as the east is from the west, for sure.
Thank you.

Edie said...

Hi Tammy! I have something for you. Please stop by my blog when you get a chance. :D

Anonymous said...

Oh wow,
Thank you so much for sharing. Its been a long road, hasn't it for you...
me too...
Oh I am so thankful that God forgives and its our part to receive that forgiveness... and turn and move on.
God bless,

Jennifer said...

Oh, Tammy! What a beautiful testimony to our Heavenly Father's forgiveness and direction down the path that He wants us to take after we repent. Your sin is no different than anyone else's sin in God's eyes...sin is sin...my sins are as equally bad regardless of what they are. The joyous thing is....WE'RE FORGIVEN!!!! And they are under the Blood of Jesus...so when Satan comes knocking at your door with guilt and condemnation...Just tell Satan...wait just a minute and then turn to Jesus and say "Jesus, the door is for you!"...leave it in God's hands and He will deal with the enemy who is after our souls.

Eph. 6:12 For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.

God is so good. He takes the ugliest parts of our lives and turns them into something beautiful for His Glory!

Girl, you are being used mightily by God in everyday life but through your blog to minister to so many women who are hurting right now. Praise The Lord for your obedience.

You have a beautiful, huge heart for His work and His children. I love the poem...so perfectly spoken to protray the Father's love for us and our children.


P.S. You have been tagged over on my blog today.

Have a blessed weekend!!!

Tiffany Stuart said...

I too believe what you said about the forgiveness issue. It's about receiving God's, not forgiving ourselves.

I'm thankful, very thankful, for your life story and your honesty here. I know God is using you to change lives for good.

So glad we've become friends,


Carol said...


I love this poem, and related so completely to this post. My sins are forgotten. I just need to stop taking them back.

Thank you my friend for sharing this.