Thank you for dropping by and joining me with our host Lelia, who is leading us through an online bible study. The author Lisa Whittle wrote the book titled “Behind Those Eyes” so that we, as women would desire to go deeper in to our souls and not hide ‘behind those eyes.’
anything in purple is from Lisa's book
It was this one small sentence in Lisa’s book that summed it up. Happiness cannot be found inside of us, no matter how hard we try to make it be true.
Ms. Happiness had always been a part of me. To me…happiness came in many different forms from outward appearance, performing on stage, and the change in scenery of men and whatever else I desired at the moment.
The choices I made about how I felt would bring pain if not death to many different people. The more I spent thinking about myself the easier it was to choose death. What can out of my own happiness was...death to purity for my wedding night, death to a marriage, death to our son’s life of being a family, death to my unborn child and death to myself worth. I was determined to run right into the arms of happiness, my happiness.
Our marriage of 12 years was a mess and I was about to destroy our daughter’s life because I wanted to be happy. It wasn’t until 1996 when my husband (no.2) and I were sitting across from a pastor, who was willing to speak truth into our lives. He explained that our marriage wasn’t about what we could get from the other person but it was about what we had to offer to each other. Then he said these words “Life isn’t about you!” He went on to say that if we wanted our marriage to work, then we needed to take our eyes off ourselves, put them on Jesus and His will for our lives.
There Jesus stood, my husband on one side and I on the other, looking into my eyes, He whispered “You must choose life or death for your marriage.” I knew at that moment I would never be happy if I continued down the road of…self fulfillment.
My life has change so much since that day because I chose to fix my eyes on Jesus. He has given me the love to respect my husband; He’s healed the pain from my past so I can love who He has created me to be. He has stirred my heart to be totally committed to Him and my family.
There was another question Lisa’s asked at the end of the study “Think about a person you know who emulates true joy.”
Did you have someone in mind? For me the answer came quickly, I’ve talked about her in Ms. Confidence…my mom.
She led a simple life. She never demanded anything that would put the focus on herself. Her words were always kind; her home was always welcoming and her life display the love of Jesus. She had many trials in her life but there are two trials where I saw true joy,only God can give.
When she was about 84 years old she fell in the bath tub breaking the first two vertebras in her neck. The doctor told us it was a miracle she had the ability to walk; while he was instructing us on how to care for her as she would be wearing a neck brace for year or so.
About a month later, I noticed mom was going into a deep depression, which had never been a part of her life before. So, one day sitting at the kitchen table I said “Mom, what is wrong?” “You seem so unhappy, it’s not like you.” She looked at me with tears in her eyes and with a soft voice replied “I can’t read my bible because of this brace.” I immediately went looking for her bible, returned to the table and began reading God’s Word to her. Oh…the smile that came to her face, the joy I saw in her eyes and the life that had returned to her soul.
Satan has tried many times to cause my mother to curse God, even to the very end of her life. In this post you will see the second trial of true joy in my mom’s life.
When I first started this bible study I thought it would be a good way to connect with other Christian women but it has turned out to be so much more. Through this study I’m learning what my mother knew; happiness doesn’t come by the way of how you feel but by Who you know. May we all be remembered as a woman who emulated true joy.