This quote from Let. It. Go. by Karen Ehman got my attention... "Whether your life contains life-altering crises, out-of-control circumstances, or relatively normal bumps and blips, you must nestle yourself neatly and surrendered into the spot God has reserved for you in it all."
What was meant to be a promising business started to go in a way that I felt wouldn't honor God. I knew standing my ground could mean losing a dear friend and likely put distance between me and my husband. During this time I cried out to God, asking Him to change my heart if I just wanting to be in control. Was it me who was the "stick in the mud?"
My heart was telling me that God would take care of it, that He was in control of the situation...right? I knew He saw the real motive in each of our hearts, yet my head was telling me something totally different and I was getting VERY impatience. My marriage was falling apart, a marriage that had survived 25 years of dark valleys and a friendship I treasured was now unraveling.
Oh, ladies, believe me when I say the voice was getting stronger with each passing day that unless I did something...nothing was going to change! I thought about leaving, giving up, walking out on this marriage. Why not? No one who was involved in this business cared how it was affecting me or the marriage and I'll let you in on a little secret...the voice even suggested to me to end my own life...."NOW that would show them who's in control!" it whispered. I know what you thinking. How could I have gone there? Well, my life felt out of control, I felt alone and God seemed so distinct.
But He was there, I was just staring at the mountain instead of lifting my eyes to the Throne. Once I released the situation, placed it in His hands and rested in His promises the gates of Heaven opened up and I felt at peace.
It did took longer then I had hoped for the business to dissolves but it did.
I am in a new season now, yet I've lost two friends and a marriage that is still on the road to healing. But, I learned that God knew were I was, how I was feeling and collected every tear I cried in a bottle, whispering..."Trust Me, I got this one."
But I am trusting you, O Lord,
saying, “You are my God!” (Psalm 31:14 NLT)