Thursday, February 28, 2013

Who's in Control?

This quote from Let. It. Go. by Karen Ehman got my attention... "Whether your life contains life-altering crises, out-of-control circumstances, or relatively normal bumps and blips, you must nestle yourself neatly and surrendered into the spot God has reserved for you in it all."

If I was going to make it to the other side of this mess, I had to trust in God.

What was meant to be a promising business started to go in a way that I felt wouldn't honor God. I knew standing my ground could mean losing a dear friend and likely put distance between me and my husband. During this time I cried out to God, asking Him to change my heart if I just wanting to be in control. Was it me who was the "stick in the mud?"

My heart was telling me that God would take care of  it, that He was in control of the situation...right? I knew He saw the real motive in each of our hearts, yet my head was telling me something totally different and I was getting VERY impatience. My marriage was falling apart, a marriage that had survived 25 years of dark valleys and a friendship I treasured was now unraveling.

Oh, ladies, believe me when I say the voice was getting stronger with each passing day that unless I did something...nothing was going to change! I thought about leaving, giving up, walking out on this marriage. Why not?  No one who was involved in this business cared how it was affecting me or the marriage and I'll let you in on a little secret...the voice even suggested to me to end my own life...."NOW that would show them who's in control!" it whispered. I know what you thinking. How could I have gone there? Well, my life felt out of control, I felt alone and God seemed so distinct.

But He was there, I was just staring at the mountain instead of lifting my eyes to the Throne. Once I released the situation, placed it in His hands and rested in His promises the gates of Heaven opened up and I felt at peace.

It did took longer then I had hoped for the business to dissolves but it did.

I am in a new season now, yet I've lost two friends and a marriage that is still on the road to healing. But, I learned that God knew were I was, how I was feeling and collected every tear I cried in a bottle, whispering..."Trust Me, I got this one."  

But I am trusting you, O Lord,
saying, “You are my God!”  (Psalm 31:14 NLT)



Rebecca Jo said...

Oh, how the voice of the evil one can put such dark things in our minds...

but Praise Him that you did look up to the Throne & took your eyes off of the mountain (LOVE how you worded that)

Thank you for your honesty today!!!

Jodi said...

"I was just staring at the mountain instead of lifting my eyes to the Throne". Beautifully worded and so true of many of us. God bless you for your transparency today, Tammy. Hugs my new friend

Lauren (OBS Small Group Leader) said...

Beautiful story of redemption and how He can work in even the darkest circumstances. Thank you for sharing =)

Blogger Loves The King said...

Thank you so much for sharing your heart today - bless you sweet one. Loved your blog and love your heart. Debbie W. (OBS Small Group Leader)

elaine @ peace for the journey said...

I am sorry for the pain you have known and the pain you still carry. I don't know the particulars, but I do know Who to take them to.

Prayers for your grieving and hopeful heart, sister.


Pamela said...

I wonder how many mountains I stared at when looking to the Throne would have given me a new perspective. I'm so sorry for your pain you encountered though. Life is hard sometimes and I'm happy your marriage is healing.