Monday, March 1, 2010

Changing One Heart for Many...

If you’re visiting for the first time and you don’t know my story (God’s Story), you may want to check it on the left-hand side bar under “My Secret Sin.” I was one of those human beings who needed a heart change. If you have had an abortion, I want you to know you will find no condemnation here, but you will find Truth wrapped in grace and mercy. God has brought you here because He doesn’t want you to hurt and feel ashamed anymore, but what He does want from you is to trust Him with your pain. Will you do that? I hope so. If you need to talk or need prayer, click on ‘profile’ for email.

 There was the truth, her friend’s 13-week-old baby moving on the screen during the ultra-sound. It all came flooding back, the memory of her abortion as she held the 2 1/2-inch, 12-week fetal model in the palm of her hand. This would have been the size of her baby at the time of the abortion. Looking at the tiny soft model, she kept repeating…"I didn't know, I didn't know."

Like most of us, we didn’t know or maybe we didn’t want to know, either way when the discussion of abortion comes up its a good idea to be able to talk about the personhood and not situation. At our center's banquet this year, we handed out a powerful book, ‘Why Pro-Life’ by Randy Alcorn. This book tackles the controversy issues with compassionate answers to some of the difficult debates one might face with abortion.

Do you know what takes place at the time of conception?

Before my abortion, even though I saw the heart beat at 6-weeks, I still thought I was dealing with a bunch of cells and it had no sense of feeling in the first trimester. Boy was I wrong! Here are a few things that I’ve learned since then.

1. The baby has its only DNA
2. 5 to 9 days after conception, his or her gender can be determined through scientific testing.
3. The preborn after conception may not appear human to us because of how we judge the appearance of a human being. However, it is at this stage of what we humans look like.
4. Twenty-one days the heart is pumping blood though the body.

When we choose to ignore the truth about the unborn, it can be very deadly.

Hosea 4:6a My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge.

Heavenly Father,
We come and give praise to Your Name, all Mighty God. We look to Your for instruction, and to show us Your ways and Your heart.  As a nation and as individuals , we have drafted from Your Turth...please forgive us.
We ask for You to bend down and hear from those that praise Your name and look to You for guidance. We pray that our government and the people of this nation will be brought to a place where they will see the destruction that is taking place because of their own knowledge. We pray for Your ways, desires, and truth to fill the hearts of those that call upon Your name. In Jesus Mighty Name...Amen!



susan said...

Heh Tammy- I have joined with you in prayer today.
I never even acknowledged my abortions! By coming clean with God He opened my mind and heart to His truths and I know that life starts at conception. By looking to Him each day for guidance and healing He has been faithful and revealed His truths.
The heart must be fertile,prepared and ready for Him.
Whenever I see that heartbeat on an ultrasound I believe God has enlisted me as One of His Lifeguards. I will do whatever He leads me to do to protect the life.
Sometimes prayer, sharing info or discussions and then waiting on Him.
As always thanks for sharing your gift.

April said...

Thank you for helping us to see & pray ... & for the book info. May the Lord shine His light upon the lies & may truth & love prevail - to His glory.

Darlene said...


I praise God for you sharing straight-up facts and His Truth. This is a much-needed prayer today. Thank you!

(post-abortion ministry: Healing Hearts, Renewing Minds)

Cheryl Barker said...

Still praying with you, Tammy...

debrah said...

Agreeing with you in prayer and praying that America will turn their hearts and minds toward the Lord and receive His Love, Forgiveness and Salvation. I pray that we will see that life is a gift from God and receive that abundant life through Jesus.

Edie said...

Agreeing with you in prayer Tammy. You are making a difference. Oh that this nation would be healed.

Patrina said...


thanks for confirming that the life that I held in my hand at 5 weeks was life and the red dot that I saw - was her heart! I only have this partial vision - the Lord has protected me from the horrid pain that must have occurred just moments before catching her in the cup of my had.

I promised you my story a few months ago - I never felt it was the right time - TODAY seems to be the day!!

I was all alone on the island of Hawaii - my husband was on the island of Oahu in an army hospital - when this happened. Our first-born - our first year of marriage. It was as if it never happened. I had not proof of her existence - except this preserved memory - given by God - this special moment when He allowed me to hold her in the palm of my hand. The total realization did not come until 17 years later - when my daughter brought home a newsletter from school about abortion. On the cover of this publication was my daughter. The image that the Lord has preserved in my spiritual mind. I collapsed to the floor and sobbed my soul out - right there in front of my 18year old daughter. TRUTH had finally found a resting place! But the whole truth almost destroyed me. With this truth, came the undeniable truth that the Hawaiian Dr. that I had gone to - to see if I was pregnant - had actually given me the - just legalized abortion pill - and told me a lie! He told me that it wouldn't hurt the baby if I was PG - but it would cause me to start my period if I wasn't! I was young and naive - a sheltered pastor's kid. Didn’t even know about abortion - let alone the ‘abortion pill’. I was all alone - across miles and miles of ocean from my family. I trusted this Dr. and took the pill - the rest of the story is protected with Jesus, thankfully. But He did not allow my baby Patrina to leave this world with out me holding her in my hand! He let me HOLD HER! He let me SEE her heart!! It was the HEART that caused me to KNOW - if only in my own spirit - that this tiny sac contained my baby!!

I remember falling to the floor - just as I did 17 years later - and the rest is in God's storehouse of treasures. The tears I shed then and 17 years later - are being poured out upon me - this day, as I - for the first in 37 years - make this effort to scribe my story PUBLICLY!

The enemy seeks to destroy our SEED. Especially the SEED of our womb! He successfully robbed me of my SEED in baby Patrina - but she is being held by the God who created her and numbered her days -and I… I hold her still with in my heart. And I will never be the same! Because of God's Holy Spirit that somehow - caused me to know what to do at that precise moment - to be able to HOLD MY BABY for the first and last time.

Isn't that just like GOD!!

I know my story is different than most - but many of the issues of life that are attached to abortion - have plagued me as well. It is a horrendous - devastating moment that can only be covered with the blood of Jesus' heart over mine. Thankfully, I will hold her again - for I serve the same Eternal God, and we will be re-connected, as God - the designer of LIFE - intended!! And so, I wait.....

Thank you for allowing this space and this moment... to release my story - It was God's timing! The link below is a prayer I wrote on Feb 7 – for the Sanctity of Life – it’s posted at my vineyard…

Patrina <")>><
His watchman on the wall.

elaine @ peace for the journey said...

First, I LOVE your new profile picture. You are beautiful! How glad I am for your DNA... a vital, vibrant witness in a world that needs to know the worthiness behind their DNA.

Keep to it.


Jennifer said...

Continuing to pray....



I'm praying too, Tammy!
Thank you for continuing to share the devastation in hopes that others will be spared. Life is so fragile and I still cannot get over how God has allowed this platform for His RESTORATION of healing among those who have been affected by abortion. I praise Him for your bravery to tell these stories AND to allow people like Patrina and others to share theirs as well. Thank you too, Patrina, for adding your comment here - a safe place to share it and a place where God will use it for His glory as He is doing with all who share on this blog site.

"Joy comes in the morning" well as the forgiving and Healing blood of Jesus!

Choosing JOY, Stephanie
JESUS ONLY in 2010

Barbara said...

God has given you a voice to minister to others about is a wonderful calling on your life to be able to minister to those who have suffered.

Lauren said...

This is a wonderful post and near to my heart. I don't have the same experience - but I have lost 2 babies during pregnancy from miscarriages. I have found my heart very close to the unborn for awhile now and I love how you place the facts of personhood out there. I am praying with you!!
I wanted to stop by and say hello because I saw your blog at the internet cafe - top 100 christian women blogs of 2009!! Congrats! We're both in the same category! :)

Jackie said...

So blessed by your blog!!

I'm following along with you now and hope you'll stop by my place for a visit sometime!

Sweet Blessings!

sonja said...

What a powerful posting, and I'm so thankful for hearing the details about life, in a very clear way on your blog. And the comments, wow! Patrina's sharing is also going to minster to so many.

My prayers will continue for you and this ministry.

Thank you, it's so important!