In Memory of Lilly

There are things in my life I love to remember. Like, when my dad would kiss me good-night before he went to bed or my mom’s sweet smile and tender words of encouragement. Remembering can bring a smile to your face or it can bring tears to your eyes. Looking back often takes you to the times when we have seen God's faithfulness.

On March 27, 2009 “Beyond the Choice” abortion recovery program held a memorial service. We offer this service to give women who have gone through the program the opportunity to openly acknowledge and grieve their children.

As I prepared for this special event, it took me back to the day I had finally accepted my abortion as my child. Stepping back and as I gazed at the table, it reminded me of the day that he was called by his name, a day he became a person to the world. There in the center stood a large white candle, symbolizing Jesus Christ, and placed around it were smaller candles representing the children lost to abortion. Off to the right stood a tall glass vase were I had placed three long-stemmed red roses in memory of the children and as a reminder of God’s forgiveness through the blood of Jesus.

Soon everyone had arrived. They took their seats and the room filled with the sound of small talk. I believe it was to hide the feelings that would soon surface. I waited a few minutes to let everyone feel at ease before I walked over to light the candle in the center of the table. The room became silent. We opened in prayer. I thanked them for coming every week to the Bible study and for pressing through the hard stuff but most of all, for trusting God. I ended with this verse:

Psalm 34:5-6,8 (NLT)
5Those who look to him for help will be radiant with
joy; no shadow of shame will darken their
faces. 6In my desperation I prayed, and the Lord
listened; he saved me from all my
troubles.

8 Taste and see that the Lord is
good. Oh, the joys of those who take refuge
in him!

Now it was time for each of us who had lost a child through abortion to light a small candle off the larger one. I went first. As I picked up the candle, my emotions came to the surface and I began to wonder: what kind of person would my child have been today? What might his voice have sounded like as he spoke my name or told me that he loved me? The feeling was bittersweet as I whispered his name…Christian Daniel. I then walked over to my chair, sat down, and wiped the tears that were flowing from my eyes.

A few moments later a young woman, who never got to hold her child because of her “right to choose", walked over to the table. She reached down, picked up a small candle, and lit it in memory of her daughter…Lilly. After a few moments of silence, she read Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 telling us that these words gave her comfort after her abortion. Her eyes began to tear up as she spoke about how much this study had helped her.
She thanked me for introducing her to Jesus and she said “You’ll never know how much you helped me.” Then her friend, who had called the abortion clinic to make the appointment, went over to the table and lit a candle for Lilly, too. She said that she will always be grateful for the truth that was revealed to her and the forgiveness through Jesus Christ that she had received.

On that day I saw God bless two young ladies, who had been bound by the lies of Satan, and set them free in an instant by sharing their secret. I watched the tears of sorrow and shame become tears of joy. They were set free!

As we said our good-byes and they walked away, I knew they had... tasted the Lord and that He is good.

Yes to God...Chapter 1

This is the first week of “Yes to God” bible study with Lelia,our host. I’ve missed you guys in the last study and I’m looking forward to seeing where God will take us as we read “An Untroubled Heart” by Micca Campbell.

Highlighted in blue has been taken from the book.

The first chapter caught me off guard. As I started to read Micca’s story about the tragic death of her husband, it took me back to the day that my mom’s bathrobe caught on fire. She was making her morning tea when her sleeve touched the open flame on the stove. By the time she (at 88 years old) could put out the fire 90% of her body was covered with 3 degree burns. She went home to the Lord seven hours later in the hospital with her five daughters standing at her bedside singing "Amazing Grace."

Shortly after her death, I began to question my faith. I remember screaming at God “How could you let this happen to such a faithful servant of yours?” Soon after that tragic event I received my Proverbs 31 magazine, which I read from cover to cover. In the magazine there was a story about a young wife and mother who lost her husband in a fire accident. By the end of the article, I could barely see with my eyes as tears screamed down my face but my heart could clearly see the faithfulness of God.

Micca, if you’re reading this I want to say …Thank you for sharing your story, it gave me hope.

So, my prayer is as I journey through the pages in the upcoming weeks, the statement found on the front cover of the book… finding a faith that is stronger then all my fears, will take root in my heart.

I need help

I've been asked to share my views on why I'm pro-life with students of the Women's Wellness class at our University on April 21. During my conversation with the teacher,I mentioned I would be willing to share my story but I had to included my Saviour,Lord Jesus Christ, because my healing came from Him. To my surprise, she didn't have a problem with it. I couldn't believe it! God has completely orchestrated this meeting. This will be the first time that I've share my story with a group outside of the church walls.

So this is where I'm asking for your help. I would like to use power point(part of the time) which I have no clue in how that works but I have a friend helping me in that area. I would like to put in cartoons,images, short video,or whatever else to keep their attention along with statics. Where would I find those things on the web? I will have about hour and 20 mintues in front of the class. This generation is soooo visual.

Any suggestions will greatly be appreciated.

Please pray that my story(God's Story) will not just be heard but will touch their hearts and bring change!

THANKS!!!!

I wonder

Many years after my abortion, I tried not to wonder what kind of life my child would have experienced…“Why wonder?” It wouldn’t change anything. I looked at my situation as a roadblock and the only way around it was to walk up to the clinic and opened that door. It was on that day, I decided to place myself first. Trusting God? Well, it seemed impossible.

God had spoken truth to me before that day at the kitchen table, I’m sure. But it was that day I became exhausted from running. I had finally stopped searching for the next best place to hide. I was ready to listen. At last I was willing to hold my baby. To see him as a child of God and not just a situation that needed to be dealt with. So there I stood, completely clothed in filthy rags and full of shame. As I placed my child close to my heart I felt the rags fall. It was then the cloth of mercy took its place. The shamefulness poured out of me. It was like a floodgate had been opened to the River of Grace.

I was broken. Jesus took the shame, anger, guilt and bitterness I had carried for years and spoke these words “Now give it to me, don’t pick it up again. Turn around, walk away and live.” I could feel the weight being lifted off of my shoulders as I handed Him my burden…once again. But this time it was different. This time I completely trusted Him to take what the enemy meant for evil and use it to His glory! I had finally stopped trying to forgive myself and embraced the forgiveness of Jesus.

For the first time…I could wonder.

I wondered what my relationship would’ve been like with my daughter, if God hadn’t spoken truth into my heart. I wondered what would’ve happened if I had kept on running. How I would be serving Him today? Would I be serving Him today? I needed to wonder. I needed to remember…If I didn’t remember my child, who would?

I Wonder
I wonder… if you would’ve had your father’s eyes.
I wonder… if you would’ve had your mother’s hair.
I wonder… if you would’ve been tall, short, meek or strong.

I wonder, what foods you would’ve liked, what books you would’ve read, what dreams you would’ve accomplished.

I wonder… Christian Daniel