Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Changing One Heart for Many...

If you’re visiting for the first time and you don’t know my story (God’s Story), you may want to check it on the left-hand side bar under “My Secret Sin.” I was one of those human beings who needed a heart change. If you have had an abortion, I want you to know you will find no condemnation here, but you will find Truth wrapped in grace and mercy. God has brought you here because He doesn’t want you to hurt and feel ashamed anymore, but what He does want from you is to trust Him with your pain. Will you do that? I hope so. If you need to talk or need prayer, click on ‘profile’ for email.

  You might find it disheartening that when I was 11 weeks pregnant I chose to have an abortion, even after seeing my pre-born baby's  heart beating at 6 weeks.

Like must women who have gone down that road, the road of abortion, I covered the choice I made with layers of excuses, hoping to never face the reality of the life I once carried inside me. For years, I  ignored the whispering voice of our Creator, who tried to get me to look at the (heart) face of my child, wanting me to see that his life was just as important .

Christian, my child, tomorrow would've been your birthday. I would have been planning your 20th birthday dinner with the family. Oh, how I wish I had given you life instead of death. To let you live out the plans that God had already set in place for you as you were being formed in my womb. But I was too consumed by the lies around me and I believed this was best for both of us. My heart ached in silence for years over the choice I made and my very being longed to see you grow into the life God had planned for you. I would cry when no one was around, longing to go back before that day I walked into the clinic. Even though I’ve never seen your face nor heard your voice, you have always been apart of me.The voice I long to hear today, is the voice I silenced...I'm so very sorry.

For years I tried to avoid your memory but today I'm embracing it. I’m thankful that I wasn’t turned away when I came to God with this awful sin of abortion and repented. I remember the day I finally acknowledged your existence. It was then God gently removed the scales from my eyes, allowing me to see your precious face as He spoke these words to me “Go ahead and hold him. I want you to see him the way I see him. You need to love him the way I love him…now hold him.”

For the first time Christian, I held you in my heart and it felt so wonderful. So perfect.

I John 3:19-20 This then is how we know that we belong to the truth, and how we set our hearts at rest in his presence whenever our hearts condemn us. For God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything.
Father God,
 I pray for the those who still see the abortion instead of the child(ren) and that their eyes will be opened so they can live in the forgiveness You long for them to have. Father, we ask for hearts to be changed, to see the destruction that is taking place in our nation.

Holy Spirit, we know it is Your presence that will bring those who are hiding to the saving grace of Jesus Christ. Please see that our hearts long for the day when we will embrace our children and not destroy them.

O Lord, look among your people see those who are faithful to this calling and bless them.
In the Mighty Name of Jesus, Amen!


Jennifer said...

I have a similar story. My daughter would have been 19 this month! Oh for the grace of God that we are able to be forgiven. That He loves us that much.

Thank you for sharing your story and for telling the truth!!

Love, Jennifer

Karen said...

Tammy...this touched my heart so much...

April said...

Thank you so much for opening up your heart and story to us all... may God bless you and your ministry.

Sonja said...

Tammy my friend...

Your story continues to unfold, and the very life of Christian is being used to help so many others. This just got my heart!

Keep ministering!



elaine @ peace for the journey said...

I cannot imagine your child saying anything else than what has been sung in this song. Beautiful, tender thoughts, Tammy; thank you for letting your vulnerability make its way to paper.

You bless me.


Judith said...

Thank you Tammy for visiting my blog. You left the comment that my "words are so encouraging and brave." While I greatly appreciate that, I have to say that rarely have I read or heard testimony and prayer more courageous, encouraging and brave than this post.

There are women in our church who carry this heartache - most of them secretly. I will direct the ones I know here. Christian's life continues to bless others while serving the kingdom.

Thank you, gentle warrior.


Treva said...

Thank you for your kind words on my testimony. I love your blog! I cant believe you have so many followers and that is great! Now me too!! :)

Jan Parrish said...

Your transparency is so refreshing. I pray that many will be as touched as I was reading this. :)

LisaShaw said...

I love your heart... I'm praying with and for you.

LisaShaw said...

Praying a beautiful New Year for you and your family dear one. I miss you very much! Love you.