My life is in a very dry place right now and I’m frustrated.
In January, I took over “Changing One Heart for Many…” and at the time I felt it was the right decision. I know it was the RIGHT decision! It’s been an honor to share about how lives and hearts have been changed by God’s truth. To have one’s heart that was once pro-abortion become pro-life can only mean one thing…another baby gets to live and experience life as God has planned.
But lately, I have felt very repetitive in my writing. It seems to be a great struggle for me to put my thoughts on paper (computer). When I first started this journey, the words came out like rushing water and I knew telling my story, their stories (God’s Story) was important and I believe it still is but for right now I need to stop and be still.
God has asked me to remove myself from blogging. I’m not sure what He has planned for me, but I do know He has a plan. Thank you all for your faithfulness in praying with me and standing in the gap for the unborn!
If you’re visiting for the first time and you don’t know my story (God’s Story), you may want to check it on the left-hand side bar under “My Secret Sin.” I was one of those human beings who needed a heart change. If you have had an abortion, I want you to know you will find no condemnation here, but you will find Truth wrapped in grace and mercy. God has brought you here because He doesn’t want you to hurt and feel ashamed anymore, but what He does want from you is to trust Him with your pain. Will you do that? I hope so. If you need to talk or need prayer, click on ‘profile’ for email.
You might find it disheartening that when I was 11 weeks pregnant I chose to have an abortion, even after seeing my pre-born baby's heart beating at 6 weeks.
Like must women who have gone down that road, the road of abortion, I covered the choice I made with layers of excuses, hoping to never face the reality of the life I once carried inside me. For years, I ignored the whispering voice of our Creator, who tried to get me to look at the (heart) face of my child, wanting me to see that his life was just as important .
Christian, my child, tomorrow would've been your birthday. I would have been planning your 20th birthday dinner with the family. Oh, how I wish I had given you life instead of death. To let you live out the plans that God had already set in place for you as you were being formed in my womb. But I was too consumed by the lies around me and I believed this was best for both of us. My heart ached in silence for years over the choice I made and my very being longed to see you grow into the life God had planned for you. I would cry when no one was around, longing to go back before that day I walked into the clinic. Even though I’ve never seen your face nor heard your voice, you have always been apart of me.The voice I long to hear today, is the voice I silenced...I'm so very sorry.
For years I tried to avoid your memory but today I'm embracing it. I’m thankful that I wasn’t turned away when I came to God with this awful sin of abortion and repented. I remember the day I finally acknowledged your existence. It was then God gently removed the scales from my eyes, allowing me to see your precious face as He spoke these words to me “Go ahead and hold him. I want you to see him the way I see him. You need to love him the way I love him…now hold him.”
For the first time Christian, I held you in my heart and it felt so wonderful. So perfect.
I John 3:19-20 This then is how we know that we belong to the truth, and how we set our hearts at rest in his presence whenever our hearts condemn us. For God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything.
Father God,
I pray for the those who still see the abortion instead of the child(ren) and that their eyes will be opened so they can live in the forgiveness You long for them to have. Father, we ask for hearts to be changed, to see the destruction that is taking place in our nation.
Holy Spirit, we know it is Your presence that will bring those who are hiding to the saving grace of Jesus Christ. Please see that our hearts long for the day when we will embrace our children and not destroy them.
O Lord, look among your people see those who are faithful to this calling and bless them.
In the Mighty Name of Jesus, Amen!
My life is in a very dry place right now and I’m frustrated.
