40 Days for Life

As we walked behind the pizza shop to get to the abortion clinic, I couldn't believe that Sydney, my daughter, wanted to participate in a prayer vigil to end abortion, known as 40 Days for Life.


When I had decided to join the very first campaign that was being held in Vestal in 2010, never in my wildest dream did I think that Sydney would be standing next to me.


Why would she? It was at this clinic where I had my abortion before she was born that made my heart turn to stone.

It was over 20 years ago when I made the "decision" to trust my ways and not God's ways. At the time, I wasn't concern with the outcome. To be honest, I never thought that having an abortion would change anything except give ME the freedom to go on living MY LIFE. But I soon learned that taking one life didn't give me freedom, but caused my life to stand still, to be frozen at that very moment, when I walked out the door of the abortion clinic.

It took many tears and a humble heart to bring me to a place of allowing God to restore what Satan had set out to destroy.

So there we were, standing in a small area off to the side of the very clinic that claimed her brother's life. With our heads bowed, and our fingers locked together we prayed to Almighty God to change hearts and save not one life...but two.

Within moments, Sydney softly whispered in my ear... "Mom, this is awesome and sad all at the same time. Awesome because I can feel God's presence and sad because I know the outcome of the decision that is about to take place. I just want to run up to each of those girls and tell them that there's another way." As I lifted my head to respond, I saw my baby girl's eyes filled with tears. Silently, I thanked God for her tender heart and for restoring our relationship.

Starting September 28, 2011, a prayer vigil will be held in Vestal at the abortion clinic. This will be our second year joining 40 Days for Life (locally) to pray for the end of abortion, this is a nationwide campaign. So, won't you consider praying at your local abortion clinic during these 40 days?


God will move the mountain, even if it's one stone at a time.

Done Wandering...

Its been a long time, way too long some of you might say. While others might say, I didn't know that you were ever gone. Over the last year, I've walked through the wasteland several times, gone around the mountain more then once and have had a couple of pity parties. I'm sure some of my "friends" have wondered if I would ever be back and share " not mine but God's Story" ever again.


Well, today, I'm saying "YES!" I'm ready to put away the plastic plates, stale food and flat soda that has been apart of the on going pity party, where I've allowed satan to be the ONLY invited guest. I'm ready to let God use me through this blog once again,and share the many things that have happened in the last year.

Some stories will bring tears to your eyes, while others will place a song in your heart because of the work God is doing in lives around me. So, starting next week, I hope to share these events in the months to come. Yep, months...because I'm done ignoring God's voice and ready to get His Stories out!

Changing One Heart for Many...

My life is in a very dry place right now and I’m frustrated.

In January, I took over “Changing One Heart for Many…” and at the time I felt it was the right decision. I know it was the RIGHT decision! It’s been an honor to share about how lives and hearts have been changed by God’s truth. To have one’s heart that was once pro-abortion  become pro-life can only mean one thing…another baby gets to live and experience life as God has planned.
But lately, I have felt very repetitive in my writing. It seems to be a great struggle for me to put my thoughts on paper (computer). When I first started this journey, the words came out like rushing water and I knew telling my story, their stories (God’s Story) was important and I believe it still is but for right now I need to stop and be still.

God has asked me to remove myself from blogging. I’m not sure what He has planned for me, but I do know He has a plan.
Thank you all for your faithfulness in praying with me and standing in the gap for the unborn!

Changing One Heart for Many...

If you’re visiting for the first time and you don’t know my story (God’s Story), you may want to check it on the left-hand side bar under “My Secret Sin.” I was one of those human beings who needed a heart change. If you have had an abortion, I want you to know you will find no condemnation here, but you will find Truth wrapped in grace and mercy. God has brought you here because He doesn’t want you to hurt and feel ashamed anymore, but what He does want from you is to trust Him with your pain. Will you do that? I hope so. If you need to talk or need prayer, click on ‘profile’ for email.

  You might find it disheartening that when I was 11 weeks pregnant I chose to have an abortion, even after seeing my pre-born baby's  heart beating at 6 weeks.

Like must women who have gone down that road, the road of abortion, I covered the choice I made with layers of excuses, hoping to never face the reality of the life I once carried inside me. For years, I  ignored the whispering voice of our Creator, who tried to get me to look at the (heart) face of my child, wanting me to see that his life was just as important .

Christian, my child, tomorrow would've been your birthday. I would have been planning your 20th birthday dinner with the family. Oh, how I wish I had given you life instead of death. To let you live out the plans that God had already set in place for you as you were being formed in my womb. But I was too consumed by the lies around me and I believed this was best for both of us. My heart ached in silence for years over the choice I made and my very being longed to see you grow into the life God had planned for you. I would cry when no one was around, longing to go back before that day I walked into the clinic. Even though I’ve never seen your face nor heard your voice, you have always been apart of me.The voice I long to hear today, is the voice I silenced...I'm so very sorry.

For years I tried to avoid your memory but today I'm embracing it. I’m thankful that I wasn’t turned away when I came to God with this awful sin of abortion and repented. I remember the day I finally acknowledged your existence. It was then God gently removed the scales from my eyes, allowing me to see your precious face as He spoke these words to me “Go ahead and hold him. I want you to see him the way I see him. You need to love him the way I love him…now hold him.”

For the first time Christian, I held you in my heart and it felt so wonderful. So perfect.

I John 3:19-20 This then is how we know that we belong to the truth, and how we set our hearts at rest in his presence whenever our hearts condemn us. For God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything.

Father God,
 I pray for the those who still see the abortion instead of the child(ren) and that their eyes will be opened so they can live in the forgiveness You long for them to have. Father, we ask for hearts to be changed, to see the destruction that is taking place in our nation.

Holy Spirit, we know it is Your presence that will bring those who are hiding to the saving grace of Jesus Christ. Please see that our hearts long for the day when we will embrace our children and not destroy them.

O Lord, look among your people see those who are faithful to this calling and bless them.
In the Mighty Name of Jesus, Amen!

Inspiration 365 Days a Year | Inspriation 365 Day a Year Movie

Inspiration 365 Days a Year | Inspriation 365 Day a Year Movie



Reading these quotes, reminded me of my mother's wisdom as she lead me down the road called "Life." (smile)

Mom would say:
"If the farmer can get the milk free from the cow, he isn't gonna buy it!"
"Well honey, if their talking about you, then they're leaving everyone else alone."

Changing One Heart for Many...wk 23

If you’re visiting for the first time and you don’t know my story (God’s Story), you may want to check it on the left-hand side bar under “My Secret Sin.” I was one of those human beings who needed a heart change. If you have had an abortion, I want you to know you will find no condemnation here, but you will find Truth wrapped in grace and mercy. God has brought you here because He doesn’t want you to hurt and feel ashamed anymore, but what He does want from you is to trust Him with your pain. Will you do that? I hope so. If you need to talk or need prayer, click on ‘profile’ for email.


I can’t seem to get Father’s Day out of my mind, even though the official celebration is over. I keep thinking about the young man (I shared in post wk 14 and 15) who faced an unplanned pregnancy, then made the decision to support his girlfriend with the choice to have an abortion. Repeatedly, since yesterday, the question has been “What was he feelings on Father’s Day?”

My mind filled with thoughts, as I sat in church on Father’s Day of how many men were sitting in the pews with this “secret sin.” Questions kept popping up in my little brain like.... Do they feel the same lost as the woman who physical carried the child, then went through with the abortion? Do they think about the child's birth date? Maybe they too wonder if the child would have looked like them. Could they be thinking, what it would’ve sounded like to hear “Daddy, I love you.”

That's when I thought about young man, who would be anticipating the birth of his child, if he had only trusted God. I wanted to call him on the phone to see how he was doing. To ask those very questions that earlier in the day had been swimming around in my head. But I couldn’t… so I prayed.

Father God,
I know that nothing goes unseen; You see it all. You see the hearts of so many whom everyday chooses to hide from You. Lord, I wish that I could request, on behalf of this young man, for You to forgive him of this sin, but I can’t, only he can.

So, Lord, I pray for his heart to soften along with anyone else who has been touched by abortion, so they will know of the amazing Grace and Mercy that awaits them. I ask for this one heart to be changed… In Jesus Precious Name, Amen!


Here a video of one heart that has been changed who spoke out  for the Silent No More

Changing One Heart for Many...wk 21

   If you’re visiting for the first time and you don’t know my story (God’s Story), you may want to check it on the left-hand side bar under “My Secret Sin.” I was one of those human beings who needed a heart change. If you have had an abortion, I want you to know you will find no condemnation here, but you will find Truth wrapped in grace and mercy. God has brought you here because He doesn’t want you to hurt and feel ashamed anymore, but what He does want from you is to trust Him with your pain. Will you do that? I hope so. If you need to talk or need prayer, click on ‘profile’ for email.

 Atonement- Reconciliation or an instance of reconciliation between God and humans.

“I shouldn’t be thinking this, but I want to have another baby. There's an emptiness that I'm feeling and another baby would fill it” she said with questionable voice. Immediately the thoughts of desiring to make up for what I had done came rushing back to me. I, too, made the choice to end my child’s life by having an abortion and within a year I wanted so desperately to undone my selfish act. Like the young lady, who was sitting across from me, having another baby made sense? Didn’t it?

 The above conversation is not uncommon; as a matter of fact it is quite common. There is much regret after having an abortion. That is, once the feeling of relief has left and guilt takes its place, all you can think about is… how I can make it right.

The day that I conceived my daughter was to be my day of atonement with God. Our daughter was planned, at least I planned her. By having this baby, it was going to take the place of my aborted child. I wanted to show God that I was worthy of His love. I was going to show Him that I was truly sorry for placing my life before the child's life, and by having another baby, it would the ultimate sacrifice to receiving God’s forgiveness. 

But within a year, I started to withdraw from her and my relationship with my daughter, Sydney, became estranged. I wanted to love her but couldn’t. Oh, I was a great pretender around other mothers. One minute, I would smother her with kisses and the next minute I was telling her how much of a burden she had become. Feelings of guilt and angry swirled around her for the next thirteen years of her life.

Soon I realized that I wasn’t the only one with these feelings and that I couldn’t do ANYTHING to earn God’s forgiveness! His forgiveness was free! God sent his Son to die for my sins (our sins), all of them,and all I needed was to confess, receive God's forgiveness and believe in His Son.

His Son was the Atonement for my sins... not my child.

Romans 4:7-8 “Blessed are they
      whose transgressions are forgiven,
      whose sins are covered.
  Blessed is the man
      whose sin the Lord will never count against him."

Today, my relationship with my daughter has been restored and I’m so blessed to be her mother. She is growing into a beautiful young woman inside and out. I can’t explain why Sydney holds no animosity towards me.

She once explained to a newspaper reporter (who was writing about the abortion) her thoughts about our relationship. When asked if she understood why her mother acted this way towards her, her reply was “All I knew was that my mommy did love me and I loved her. She just didn’t know how to show me, until she could love herself.”

Father, my heart can't even express how thankful I am for Your love that filled my child's heart, when I couldn't.

Father God,
Thank you for Your love that continues to flow through us, even when we don't know how to love. Thank you for never leaving us during our times of rebellion and I ask for the Holy Spirit to stir the hearts of those who are still hiding from You. I pray that they will hear Your whispering words..."Where are you, my child?" In Jesus name...Amen!