It's here...

I've always been talker, but to place my words on paper, I thought you've got to be kidding...Lord. But He wasn't. Over seven years ago, He led me to the world of blogging where He wanted me to share my story (God's story) with whoever would read. No more hiding from my bad choices, selfish desires or pity-parties I would have from time to time.

Well, a new season has begun and He's asked me to step it up a notch. So, click on Women Walking with Jesus, come along and see how Jesus works it all out... every step, every trial, and every blessing.

#SayWhat

I want you to share. But LORD, I don’t think they will understand unless they’ve been there. Well, many have, but they think too that no one will understand,  that’s why I want you to share.

I had decided to forgo participating in the Blog Hop this week until the conversation above took place during my workout at the gym this morning. I have to say, God at times, picks the strangest places to have a conversation with you. So, here is what He wanted me to share…

Along life’s journey, I’ve been asked the question of how many children do I have and the answer has always been two. But this particular evening, about three years ago, as I was standing with my friend and her mother (which I just meet) in the lobby of a church when the “question” came. With a little bit of hesitation I answered “ I have two children.” Immediately, I heard the Holy Spirit clear His throat saying, “You don’t have two children but three. Go ahead and tell her the truth.”  #SayWhat! “There is no way she is going to understand, if I tell her the truth!” was my comeback. “She doesn’t have too, but you need to acknowledge your child. Go ahead, I AM with you.”

I didn’t understand and I was scared to death but I stopped in the middle of the sentence and said “ Well, that not true. You see, I have three children, a son 28, a daughter 17 and a one who died ( her response was… “Oooh” before I could get to the end of my sentence) because I chose to have an abortion that I totally regret now. I could see in her eyes she was trying to comprehend it, so I continued “I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable, but I can’t deny my child’s existence anymore, I hope you understand?” With a half smile on her face, she said “Well, I’m sure at the time you didn’t know what to do?.” With a half smile on my face I left it at that.

We ended the night with a hug along with “It was nice meeting you and have a safe trip home.”

 

Walking back to my car I was still confused with why I had to go there, yet I was relieved knowing I didn’t have to hide him (my child) anymore. On the way home, God let me know that it was important not to ignore my child’s life because you see, my friend, she had just finished going through the post-abortion bible study with me as her mentor. She knew my story and she had learned how important it was to be honest about our abortion(s) because if we don’t shame has a way of creeping back into our lives.

It wasn’t easy that night and when I share “my” next step in this testimony of mine with women who I have the privilege to mentor, they say... “I don’t think I will ever be able to be that opened about my abortion(s).” And I gently reply “All I can say is if He speaks to your heart in this area say #YesToGod.”

 

Done Wandering...

Its been a long time, way too long some of you might say. While others might say, I didn't know that you were ever gone. Over the last year, I've walked through the wasteland several times, gone around the mountain more then once and have had a couple of pity parties. I'm sure some of my "friends" have wondered if I would ever be back and share " not mine but God's Story" ever again.


Well, today, I'm saying "YES!" I'm ready to put away the plastic plates, stale food and flat soda that has been apart of the on going pity party, where I've allowed satan to be the ONLY invited guest. I'm ready to let God use me through this blog once again,and share the many things that have happened in the last year.

Some stories will bring tears to your eyes, while others will place a song in your heart because of the work God is doing in lives around me. So, starting next week, I hope to share these events in the months to come. Yep, months...because I'm done ignoring God's voice and ready to get His Stories out!

Pride

Proverbs 16:18 (The Message) First pride, then the crash— the bigger the ego, the harder the fall.

I had seen this verse before but it never touch my heart with conviction until the day I was at my daughter's soccer banquet.

There I stood in line, plate in hand, ready to grab a piece of angel food cake. Wait a minute, I didn't really want angle food cake. What I really wanted was brownies, chocolate chip cookies and let's not forget the chocolate cake with all that chocolate frosting on top. I know what your thinking "All that chocolate" well, a girl can't have to much chocolate.

As I stood there in line I felt so proud of how I was displaying all this willpower. I would show all those people who couldn't control their fleshly desires that I would reach for the least of the calories. So, as I made my way to the angle food cake, I thought, wait a minute, I'll show everyone the great willpower I have, I won't eat any of it. So,I turned around, walked over to the garbage can and threw away my clean empty plate.
I wondered if anyone had seen me and if they were thinking to themselves "How I wished I had that much control over sweets." I began to walk towards the center of the room, well maybe a little off to the side, I didn't want to be too obvious. As I was standing there with a small glass of water in hand, I began observing everyone else as the desserts were being piled high on their plates. I proudly sucked in my stomach and waited for the event to end.

What accomplishment I had made,not one brownie, not even a crumb had touched my lips. All the way home I had this feeling of victory. How proud I felt as I pulled into the driveway. Walking into the kitchen I laid the container of brownies that had returned untouched nicely on the counter top. Oh, I was so proud of myself to think that I overcame temptation. I even bragged to my husband, who couldn't go because of work, about my victory.

I got into my pj's and waited for everyone to go to bed so I could have my usual time to unwind. There I sat in front of the wide-screen TV just minding my own business when all of a sudden I heard that voice. You know, the one that comes to you when you are alone, when you least expect it. Some call this voice their own(sometime it is) but this time I knew it was the enemy, Satan himself, but what happened next I never expected.

Slowly I was being convinced to have just one little taste of a BROWNIE!!!!! I tried to put up a good fight but in the end I lost. There I sat on the couch, with the evidence of brown crumbs laying on my bathrobe, I slowly lifted my hand putting the last brownie into my mouth.You see, I had already eaten 5 large brownies along with a tall glass of milk,at least the milk (1%) was healthy. I went to bed defeated,again.

I'll never forget the next morning when I woke up, I felt awful. How could I have been so easy of a target, I knew about the battle that goes on in the mind. I told myself well, today is a new day and you have another chance. You see, night eating has always been a struggle for me and I hate it. I workout and eat right during the day but when nighttime comes, need I say more, you know the rest of the story.

After my daughter was off to school I sat down to spend time with the Lord. In my prayer I told Him how I felt about this eating thing and how I hated this constant struggle. That is when He reminded me that I keep trying to do is alone and the pride thing, it always gets in the way. My heart was convicted. He also reminded me that whenever I was in public and there was food around I always tried to make an impression. I always have the 'look at me' attitude. I knew He was right, so I asked He to forgive me and thanked Him for a new start.

I like to tell you since my conversation it's been easy sailing, but to be honest, pride still tries to raise his ugly head. When moments like this come my way I send up a little prayer and say "God, I need your help, I never want to be prideful again." Amen

Why Not?

God has soften my heart in the area of mentoring. If you read the blog before this one you will know what I am talking about. I have been mentoring this young lady for about a year and I absolutely love our talks. Watching her grow in her love and faith for God so blesses my heart. I sometime think "Why God, why me?" then He whispers in in my ear "Why not?"

God had planned it all

I have been volunteering at a pregnancy crisis center for almost 2 years. I remember God asking me to give up some of my personal time, now that our daughter was in high school. When I first offered my services I was just going to answer the phone. Now to be perfectly honest with you answering the phone was not something I felt comfortable doing. But by answering the phone it meant I didn't have to get too close to the clients.

I always thought that I could never have the compassion or mercy to interact with the young women who came into the center. I felt "well, you made your bed now slept in it." Within a few month I was asked if I could work in the boutique about once month. I said "yes" but with hesitation because that meant I would have to talk to the girls as their were shopping for baby items. I remember one young girl I was talking to in particular. She began to tell me about her life, dreams and the future that she wanted for her children. The more we talked, the more I wanted to get to know her.

Not long after that her mentor was leaving and the program director asked me if I would like to try mentoring her. I knew without a doubt that God had planned it all and He was about to soften another piece of my heart.

My Calling?

I am sorry it has taken me so long to write.I'm not even sure if anyone has been reading my blog. But this whole writing adventure scares me. Have you ever felt God calling you to do something but your not sure you can do it? Well that is where I am right now with this writing thing. I have never been to good with poetic or big descriptive words. If I can be completely honest with you I'm a terrible speller. Oh I forgot I can use spellcheck. I do have a desire to put my thoughts on paper and I have been told that's half the battle. I also know that God will give me the resources. OK , I think I will give it a try and trust God.