The Spoon...

I have the opportunity every month to write for Women Walking with Jesus, here's one of things my mother taught me...
http://lisashawcares.com/the-spoon/

It's here...

I've always been talker, but to place my words on paper, I thought you've got to be kidding...Lord. But He wasn't. Over seven years ago, He led me to the world of blogging where He wanted me to share my story (God's story) with whoever would read. No more hiding from my bad choices, selfish desires or pity-parties I would have from time to time.

Well, a new season has begun and He's asked me to step it up a notch. So, click on Women Walking with Jesus, come along and see how Jesus works it all out... every step, every trial, and every blessing.

A New Thing...

Isaiah 43:19 (NLT)
For I am about to do something new.
    See, I have already begun! Do you not see it?

 

Isn’t it exciting how God is always working in our lives. Even before we are aware of it. To think that girl who lived her life with lustful desires would one day be writing about Jesus…really? Yes, really.

Here’s how this ‘new’ thing that I have the privilege to be a part of got started. I meet Lisa Shaw over seven years ago through my blog and we immediately became sisters in Christ. Within a few months, my family made planned to take a vacation and to my surprise it lead to her neck of the woods. I was wonderfully treated as her guest for a day during our vacation and as the saying goes…history was made.

Throughout the years, I’ve grown to love and respect her as a woman of God. So when she asked me to join her and 12 other women each month on her site to share stories about real life, encouragement and our heart as Women walking with Jesus, I just had to say “yes!” So, I hope you’ll stop by every month to read, be blessed and begin your own journey of walking with Jesus.

 

 

Running to His Mercy Seat...

Her testimony led me to His Mercy seat...
She spoke with no shame. Her voice was calm as she made this confession… “I’ve had an abortion, and not one but four. I’m no longer ashamed. I’m forgiven and Jesus Christ changed my life.”

She stood there with confidence, as she continued on with her testimony behind the pulpit at my church over 10 years ago. It was her story I needed to hear, yet the voice in my head was shouting… “you must never let anyone know what happened on November 12, 1989, for if you do, you’ll be known as a “murder!” But then there was this other voice… softer, sweeter, tugging at my heart proclaiming “if you confess THIS secret and BELIEVE you are forgiven… ALL will be new again.”

It seemed like a lifetime ago, when words of confession flowed from this woman's mouth, it was living water to me. I’m thankful that our pastor gave her a platform to share the Truth of God, His Forgiveness and Grace to those of us who were running from the Mercy seat because of our abortion(s).

I’ve come a long way since that day… the day when the enemy tried to keep my “secret sin” a secret. Today, I proclaim God’s mercy toward my abortion with no shame and living in His forgiveness. God has given me many opportunities since then to share my story (God’s Story) and to help other women find healing on the road to His forgiveness.

On Sunday, January 19, 2014 we will have an opportunity to speak out for the Sanctity of Human Life. I believe God wants us to speak the truth. His truth can be spoken with compassion and conviction. Jesus did…with the woman at the well. On Sanctity of Human Life Sunday some churches will do all they can to bring awareness of how abortion has and is affecting us in our churches, communities and our country. While others will skim the surface hoping not to bring to much attention to a very controversial and political issue and I’m sad to say, there will even be churches that won’t mention “it” at all.

Revelation 12:11 (NIV) They overcame him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony;

 

The Real Me

Truth led her to the Water…

“If you want to know the truth, go ask Tammy.” Yep, that’s what Mom would say because she knew I didn’t beat around the bush. It’s how God made me. Maybe that’s why it’s easy for me to speak truth into the lives of those who are hurting and struggling with life. To bring freedom from the grip of Satan’s lies.

 As we’ve learned in Chapter 8 of A Confident Heart by Renee Swope, God gives us different characteristics and spiritual gifts to make up the body of Christ. I’ve taken the test and here are the results: Choleric/ Sanguine   Spiritual gifts: Prophecy, Teaching and Exhortation.

If you have a few more minutes, I’d like to share a story of what happened when I allowed God to use…The Real Me

Sitting across from me in the Spring of 2011, I could see she was unsure about sharing her story (maybe for the first time) the reasons why she chose to abort the child within her. But she really didn’t need to mummer a word, her body language said it all… Shame. Angry. Guilt. Along with an emptiness that had taken residence in her heart.  The voice struggled to cry out. It wanted to take back all she had done but the past was now to be her future.

As her story started to unfold, her body began to relax and there in her eyes I saw a glimmer of hope... God was with us. She told me she had grown up religious but it wasn’t apart of her life today. Yet, she was willing to let me come along side of her to help with this pain that she was experiencing. A pain the world told her wouldn’t exist if she was to have this “procedure.”

 I knew this wasn’t going to be easy. Why? Well, it never is when you have to speak truth into  someone’s life who is blinded by darkness. Darkness has a clever way of making us think we are deserving of wants. It convinces us that life is all about us. I guess you could say its real name is…Pride.  Yes, pride, I knew it all to well. It had destroyed a life within me many years ago and it continued to steal the relationships around me for years to come. So, I knew where she was coming from, where she was and where she was going.

Our relationship grew as the weeks passed through this journey of healing and restoration. We shared, we laughed, we cried, yet I knew she wouldn’t be able to live in the present, until she trusted God. Believed in His Truth. I had asked her several times if she wanted to receive the gift of salvation and each time she would declined the wall grew a little stronger. Then on our fifth meeting the LORD whispered to me “ Tammy, lay out the truth boldly and I’ll do the rest.”   

Yep, you guessed it! She declined and went home. I thought did I hear God or was it my own hopeful desire to lead her to the living water. It wasn’t until our next meeting, she told me she’d been having a hard time swallowing some of the truth that was said to her, but she decided to seek God during the week and she found Him!

Its been two years since the day of her salvation, when Truth spoke into her life and believe me, she is on fire for God!

One thing I try to do is stay connected with the women I’ve worked with either through Facebook, email or texting. Many times my heart has been blessed to see the growth they’ve made, so when Kim invited me to her baptism on November 17, 2013 my heart was filled with a sense of thankfulness. Without hesitation, she stood in front of the congregation and told her testimony. A testimony that many of us are still ashamed to utter a word but not her. By her revealing the “secret” (her daughter) Bella’s life would be validated and Kim’s baptism was now the finally statement to…I belong to Christ Jesus.

Oh, one last thing. As we were all singing and worshiping before the baptism, God spoke these words to my heart... “Tell Kim that her daughter didn’t die in vain.”  Now, I don’t get these orders from God very often but when I told Kim, her eyes filled with tears, and I believed, she knew what God meant.

 My friends…it was a bittersweet moment.

#perfectlove… was waiting for me in my bathroom.

He notices and cares enough to tell us that our hearts need repair. He won’t leave a notice on our front door, but He did leave Himself as a love letter nailed to the Cross of Calvary, declaring the depth of His perfect love. (Renee Swope, A Confident Heart)

 

#perfectlove… was waiting for me in my bathroom.

This night was no different then any other night. Taking off our makeup (which we hated doing) was a little time consuming, but time well spent together. I loved the fact that spending time with Sydney (my daughter) no matter what we did or where we were was always blessing to me. During our “ face washing marathon” you would find us sometimes laughing, make faces in the mirror or talking about life’s struggles.

 Soon our time had come to an end as Sydney patted her face dry and she checked herself in the mirror for one last time before exiting the bathroom. Yet there I was, left standing, finishing up the final touches of moisturizer around the eyes.

 Before Sydney enter her bedroom, I heard her stop died in her tracks, and softly whispered “Mommy, I love you so very much…Goodnight!”

 I had heard those words before, but this night was different. This night those words took my breath away. Words spoken of a #perfectlove that only God could give. As she closed the door behind her, I heard another voice deep within my soul. It was gentle but a sound voice, saying… Tammy, now that’s what forgiveness feels like.

 I started wrestling with the words that I had just encountered. But God…

How could she love me so much after years of throwing angry words at her? What about the times she wanted to be held, but all I could do was push her to the side? Do You remember the time I left her and her dad? Where was the love of her mother then, when she so needed me?

 But God…

He knew about all those questions. We had dealt with them years ago, when I finally stopped manipulating the truth of my abortion. Because of my abortion all of my guilt, bitterness, shame and angry had been hurl towards my daughter. I thought…if I wasn’t worthy enough to love the child that I had aborted, how could I possible be worthy of Sydney’s love. Pushing her away was the answer. Making her hate me…isn’t that what I deserved?

 

But today, He wanted me to believe that all was forgiven. That our relationship was restored and to receive the #perfectlove only He could place in Sydney’s heart towards me. The words that came from my daughter’s lips, God brought forth, to fill my soul and quench the longing of knowing…she has forgiven me.

 

#perfectlove waits patiently for you to make the journey to the “well” of total surrender. 

#SayWhat

I want you to share. But LORD, I don’t think they will understand unless they’ve been there. Well, many have, but they think too that no one will understand,  that’s why I want you to share.

I had decided to forgo participating in the Blog Hop this week until the conversation above took place during my workout at the gym this morning. I have to say, God at times, picks the strangest places to have a conversation with you. So, here is what He wanted me to share…

Along life’s journey, I’ve been asked the question of how many children do I have and the answer has always been two. But this particular evening, about three years ago, as I was standing with my friend and her mother (which I just meet) in the lobby of a church when the “question” came. With a little bit of hesitation I answered “ I have two children.” Immediately, I heard the Holy Spirit clear His throat saying, “You don’t have two children but three. Go ahead and tell her the truth.”  #SayWhat! “There is no way she is going to understand, if I tell her the truth!” was my comeback. “She doesn’t have too, but you need to acknowledge your child. Go ahead, I AM with you.”

I didn’t understand and I was scared to death but I stopped in the middle of the sentence and said “ Well, that not true. You see, I have three children, a son 28, a daughter 17 and a one who died ( her response was… “Oooh” before I could get to the end of my sentence) because I chose to have an abortion that I totally regret now. I could see in her eyes she was trying to comprehend it, so I continued “I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable, but I can’t deny my child’s existence anymore, I hope you understand?” With a half smile on her face, she said “Well, I’m sure at the time you didn’t know what to do?.” With a half smile on my face I left it at that.

We ended the night with a hug along with “It was nice meeting you and have a safe trip home.”

 

Walking back to my car I was still confused with why I had to go there, yet I was relieved knowing I didn’t have to hide him (my child) anymore. On the way home, God let me know that it was important not to ignore my child’s life because you see, my friend, she had just finished going through the post-abortion bible study with me as her mentor. She knew my story and she had learned how important it was to be honest about our abortion(s) because if we don’t shame has a way of creeping back into our lives.

It wasn’t easy that night and when I share “my” next step in this testimony of mine with women who I have the privilege to mentor, they say... “I don’t think I will ever be able to be that opened about my abortion(s).” And I gently reply “All I can say is if He speaks to your heart in this area say #YesToGod.”

 

With All My Heart...

Here we are at the hop, Blog Hop with the Yes To God online bible study, our hostess…Melissa Taylor.

 And you must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your strength. (Deuteronomy 6:5 NLT)

That’s a pretty big command…don’t you think?

 

But I look at this way. If it was impossible then God wouldn’t ask it of us, right? We are told in Philippians 4:13 that we can do all things through Christ who strengths me. Maybe that’s why God spoke to my heart on Tuesday morning to stop being consumed with Facebook. He even gave me particulars like, for the next seven days I want you to step away from Facebook, however, you can check it twice a day so that you will stay connected with the Facebook group you are in.

 

I know some of you are thinking…really? While other are saying, oh girl, I’ve been there…keep going.

Well, Tuesday I passed with flying colors. It could have been that I was busy most of day with errands to run, mentoring a woman in the afternoon, the Connection Call with Melissa Taylor and let’s not forget preparing supper. As the day was winding down, I thought about how I had achieved this nudge from the LORD and without much of a struggle. I have to admit I was so pride of myself.

Oh, but yesterday was not so satisfying as my day came to a close. There I was standing worshiping God during our Wednesday night service when I heard Him say... “Not so good today?” In response, I said “What are You talking about?” I'm sure He was saying with a somewhat smile on His face… “I noticed that you checked your Facebook more then twice today and as you did you softly whispered… “Just to see if I have any messages, quick on and quick off” but you see Tammy, that wasn’t part of details.”

So, today, I focusing “again” on loving God with all of my strength. You may be asking…why not along with other two (mind and soul)? I’m realizing that my strength in of my self is the flesh and this (my) flesh will fail every time without being mindful of God's presence. I believe the desire in our hearts and souls to love the LORD is always there as daughters of the King and He sees that, but it’s the “doing” that cause us to stumble.

So, ladies. Repeat after me …I can do all things through Christ who strengthen me.

Who's in Control?

This quote from Let. It. Go. by Karen Ehman got my attention... "Whether your life contains life-altering crises, out-of-control circumstances, or relatively normal bumps and blips, you must nestle yourself neatly and surrendered into the spot God has reserved for you in it all."

 

If I was going to make it to the other side of this mess, I had to trust in God.

What was meant to be a promising business started to go in a way that I felt wouldn't honor God. I knew standing my ground could mean losing a dear friend and likely put distance between me and my husband. During this time I cried out to God, asking Him to change my heart if I just wanting to be in control. Was it me who was the "stick in the mud?"

My heart was telling me that God would take care of  it, that He was in control of the situation...right? I knew He saw the real motive in each of our hearts, yet my head was telling me something totally different and I was getting VERY impatience. My marriage was falling apart, a marriage that had survived 25 years of dark valleys and a friendship I treasured was now unraveling.

Oh, ladies, believe me when I say the voice was getting stronger with each passing day that unless I did something...nothing was going to change! I thought about leaving, giving up, walking out on this marriage. Why not?  No one who was involved in this business cared how it was affecting me or the marriage and I'll let you in on a little secret...the voice even suggested to me to end my own life...."NOW that would show them who's in control!" it whispered. I know what you thinking. How could I have gone there? Well, my life felt out of control, I felt alone and God seemed so distinct.

But He was there, I was just staring at the mountain instead of lifting my eyes to the Throne. Once I released the situation, placed it in His hands and rested in His promises the gates of Heaven opened up and I felt at peace.

It did took longer then I had hoped for the business to dissolves but it did.

I am in a new season now, yet I've lost two friends and a marriage that is still on the road to healing. But, I learned that God knew were I was, how I was feeling and collected every tear I cried in a bottle, whispering..."Trust Me, I got this one."  

But I am trusting you, O Lord,
saying, “You are my God!”  (Psalm 31:14 NLT)

 

His Plan!

“Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails.”    (Proverbs 19:21 NIV)

This wasn't a unfamiliar place to me, but this time it was different. The stage was simple, there was no elaborate backdrop. The music playing was filled with words of praise. The hands of the audience were lifted high in full surrender to the All Mighty God.

 
I too, had my palms facing toward heaven with thanksgiving, for the new life that He had given me. A life with no more shame. A life where now I was helping other women, just like me, find healing from the secret of abortion.

 
Standing there praising Him, I knew I was right where I belong, in the audience and not on the stage.

 
You see, during my adolescent years, I would perform my dance routines on this very stage. Twirling and moving around in a beautiful costume. Waiting to hear the thunder of applause fill the air and when the final curtain call came I would then take my bow. I would soak in sounds of praise for my great works and as the spotlight bounced off my face, my heart would begin to fill with a desire to carry out my plans for the future...to want more of me.

 
The day finally came...there I stood behind that same curtain waiting to make my grand entrance, not as a dance student, but as Miss Tammy, the dance teacher. I longed to hear the crowd's approval. How I longed be exalted. I was beginning to arrange the colorful cobblestones on the path I had chosen.

 
Years have gone by since then and my plans have changed. Today, they are plans directed by God. So, there I stood with over 500 women from around the State of New York, who had traveled to our yearly Assemblies of God Conference.

 
It was on that day, God spoke these words to me: You are now exalting Me and no longer exalting yourself. And I believe... He said with a smile.

 

 

 

I was warned...

I heard about you. The way you connect with people. Introducing us to friends around the world. I was warned not to fall for your promises. Promises of casual meetings and that you wouldn't demand too much attention.

 Lies! They were all lies! I've been put under your spell, each day more consumed by you...Mr. Facebook!

 

Yep! I have fallen and I don't know how to get up...until now!

 

I'm finding the strength to put boundaries around our relationship with the help of Karen Ehman, author of Let. IT. GO. She has dealt with tangents, like you, in the past and she's walking with me through this journey of... Let. It. Go.

 

So, here's my plan. I will only visit you three times a day and yes, there will be a time limit, but I haven't decided on those limits...yet. (working on that one...ladyfriends.)  I know what your thinking, its not going to work, well, Karen says..." Give yourself time. Look for progress, not perfection."

 

Father God, I want You to consume me with Your plans for the day. For my life.

 

not mine but God's story...

A few weeks ago, I performed a monologue for our dessert night at Life Choices Center were I volunteer. This is my story about the abortion that I had over 20 years ago and how God sought after me.

On The Radio...

Oh, its been a long time...again, since I've put my fingers to this key pad. I have a lot of things floating around in this mind of mine but I can't seem to reconnect to the web world. I still read many of my blogging friends thoughts, but never leave a comment. Can I still call you my "blogging friend?"

I've been busy with our abortion recovery ministry at the local CPC and God has been opening doors for me to share my story (God's Story), plus sharing His Word in other areas of my life. Oh, and our daughter,Sydney is planning her wedding for May 2013. Now that a whole blogging session in it self.

Which leads me to inviting you to listen in on a live interview over a CWA radio tomorrow, Thursday, February 23 at 11:00am. A dear friend of mine, Lisa Shaw, is hosting her own radio show 'The Whole Woman' and has asked me to share how God sustained me during and after my mother's tragic death.

So meet with us tomorrow at 11:00am! ( click on the link above).

No promises, but I'll try to be better at getting back to sharing 'not mine but God's Story.

Sanctitiy of Human Life...will your pastor be talking

Every week I have the opportunity to meet with women who might be facing an unplanned pregnancy. Let me be honest, it isn’t easy sitting across from a young lady who has already voiced that if she is pregnant, she will be getting an abortion. It seems to be an easy solution in a moment of uncertainty, not realize the destruction that will take place. As I sit across from her, this one thought keeps coming to me; if I can only connect with her then maybe she’ll change her mind. She doesn’t know that I’m praying, asking God to give me an opening so that I can share my story (God’s Story) with her.



As I think back on the day that I went to the clinic, the only life I saw was my own. I wanted to live. I had things to do, and people to see, just like her. My career has a dance teacher was growing and I wasn’t about to let anyone or anything get in my way. It was my life I wanted to save. It sounds pretty callous, but it always is when we look at ourselves. The abortion, I was told, promised to give me freedom but instead it held me captive. The nurse called it a procedure, as if I were having a mole removed.


We both sat there, making small talk, as she was waiting for the results. Within minutes the answer was clear. The test showed two lines, the test was positive. The room filled with a sort of awkwardness, as we both stared at the lines. That’s when I felt the familiar lump in my throat, and asks “How are you feeling?” The minute that rolled off my tongue I thought, “How are you feeling? You know exactly how she’s feeling. She is scared, confused and she has to make a decision on which life to save.”


Which life to save…. in the last 38 years every child that’s been born is a survivor. Every child that we see on the playground, in the mall or holding hands with a parent has been giving the opportunity to experience life. I know for some of you, abortion never crossed your mind but the fact is 50,000,000 babies have lost their lives to this question “Which life do I save?”


On January 22, we have an opportunity to speak out for the Sanctity of Human Life. I believe God wants us to speak the truth. The truth can be spoken with compassion and conviction. Jesus did, with the woman at the well. On Sunday, some churches will do all they can to bring awareness of how abortion has and is affecting us, while others will skim the surface hoping not to bring to much attention to a very controversial issue and I’m sad to say, there will even be churches that won’t mention “it” at all.

Adoption...are you kidding?

A blank look appears on her face as her eyes focus on the two lines of her test, indicating that she’s pregnant. This wasn’t part of her life’s plan, well aleast not for today. She looked at me as if to say…what am I going to do? We talked about her options and that’s when I mention adoption.


She quickly responded …"No. I wouldn't do an adoption thing. If I'm going to carry this baby for 9 months, I'm not going to give it up! I don't want to have an abortion but I can’t have a baby, right now."

Baffling, isn't it? Yet, these words are proclaimed most of the time and I’m grateful, because it then opens a door for me to reply... "You're looking at someone whose birth mother decided to do the adoption thing and I’m grateful she let me live.”


My mother was just shy of 16 when she delivered me at our local hospital. She was alone and scared. She has told me many times that the young man, who was my dad, really loved her and wanted me; her parents, however, had forbidden him to have any contact with her. She also said that during her stay at the hospital, she heard him out in the hallway yelling “I want to see my baby girl. You can’t do this to me. She’s my daughter!” That was the last thing he said before he was escorted out of the hospital by the police officers.


Within a year of my birth, she met her future husband and became pregnant with my sister. The marriage didn’t last long. Like so many women, there she was… a single mother doing the best she knew how.


But reality finally set in when I was about 2 years old and my sister was 6 months. She knew love wouldn’t feed us, put clothes on our backs or a roof over our heads. She had to do something, so she agreed to place us in the welfare of a couple. A couple who promised to raise us as their own and they did!

I’ve never doubted her love or questioned how someone could do such a thing, my thought as always been…how could you not?

Of course, it was a hard decision for her to make, we’ve talked about it many times in person and over the phone. She frequently tells me… “It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done but I wanted what was best for you, girls. I knew I couldn’t give you all the things you and your sister would need.” Everytime I hear those words, I tell her how thankful I am that she thought of us and I silently wispher "Thank you, LORD."

Sharing my story, doesn’t make anyone eager to sign on the dotted line for the adoption plan but my pray is… maybe one day some young lady will see the child’s life and not her own.

40 Days for Life

As we walked behind the pizza shop to get to the abortion clinic, I couldn't believe that Sydney, my daughter, wanted to participate in a prayer vigil to end abortion, known as 40 Days for Life.


When I had decided to join the very first campaign that was being held in Vestal in 2010, never in my wildest dream did I think that Sydney would be standing next to me.


Why would she? It was at this clinic where I had my abortion before she was born that made my heart turn to stone.

It was over 20 years ago when I made the "decision" to trust my ways and not God's ways. At the time, I wasn't concern with the outcome. To be honest, I never thought that having an abortion would change anything except give ME the freedom to go on living MY LIFE. But I soon learned that taking one life didn't give me freedom, but caused my life to stand still, to be frozen at that very moment, when I walked out the door of the abortion clinic.

It took many tears and a humble heart to bring me to a place of allowing God to restore what Satan had set out to destroy.

So there we were, standing in a small area off to the side of the very clinic that claimed her brother's life. With our heads bowed, and our fingers locked together we prayed to Almighty God to change hearts and save not one life...but two.

Within moments, Sydney softly whispered in my ear... "Mom, this is awesome and sad all at the same time. Awesome because I can feel God's presence and sad because I know the outcome of the decision that is about to take place. I just want to run up to each of those girls and tell them that there's another way." As I lifted my head to respond, I saw my baby girl's eyes filled with tears. Silently, I thanked God for her tender heart and for restoring our relationship.

Starting September 28, 2011, a prayer vigil will be held in Vestal at the abortion clinic. This will be our second year joining 40 Days for Life (locally) to pray for the end of abortion, this is a nationwide campaign. So, won't you consider praying at your local abortion clinic during these 40 days?


God will move the mountain, even if it's one stone at a time.

Done Wandering...

Its been a long time, way too long some of you might say. While others might say, I didn't know that you were ever gone. Over the last year, I've walked through the wasteland several times, gone around the mountain more then once and have had a couple of pity parties. I'm sure some of my "friends" have wondered if I would ever be back and share " not mine but God's Story" ever again.


Well, today, I'm saying "YES!" I'm ready to put away the plastic plates, stale food and flat soda that has been apart of the on going pity party, where I've allowed satan to be the ONLY invited guest. I'm ready to let God use me through this blog once again,and share the many things that have happened in the last year.

Some stories will bring tears to your eyes, while others will place a song in your heart because of the work God is doing in lives around me. So, starting next week, I hope to share these events in the months to come. Yep, months...because I'm done ignoring God's voice and ready to get His Stories out!

Changing One Heart for Many...

My life is in a very dry place right now and I’m frustrated.

In January, I took over “Changing One Heart for Many…” and at the time I felt it was the right decision. I know it was the RIGHT decision! It’s been an honor to share about how lives and hearts have been changed by God’s truth. To have one’s heart that was once pro-abortion  become pro-life can only mean one thing…another baby gets to live and experience life as God has planned.
But lately, I have felt very repetitive in my writing. It seems to be a great struggle for me to put my thoughts on paper (computer). When I first started this journey, the words came out like rushing water and I knew telling my story, their stories (God’s Story) was important and I believe it still is but for right now I need to stop and be still.

God has asked me to remove myself from blogging. I’m not sure what He has planned for me, but I do know He has a plan.
Thank you all for your faithfulness in praying with me and standing in the gap for the unborn!

Changing One Heart for Many...

If you’re visiting for the first time and you don’t know my story (God’s Story), you may want to check it on the left-hand side bar under “My Secret Sin.” I was one of those human beings who needed a heart change. If you have had an abortion, I want you to know you will find no condemnation here, but you will find Truth wrapped in grace and mercy. God has brought you here because He doesn’t want you to hurt and feel ashamed anymore, but what He does want from you is to trust Him with your pain. Will you do that? I hope so. If you need to talk or need prayer, click on ‘profile’ for email.

  You might find it disheartening that when I was 11 weeks pregnant I chose to have an abortion, even after seeing my pre-born baby's  heart beating at 6 weeks.

Like must women who have gone down that road, the road of abortion, I covered the choice I made with layers of excuses, hoping to never face the reality of the life I once carried inside me. For years, I  ignored the whispering voice of our Creator, who tried to get me to look at the (heart) face of my child, wanting me to see that his life was just as important .

Christian, my child, tomorrow would've been your birthday. I would have been planning your 20th birthday dinner with the family. Oh, how I wish I had given you life instead of death. To let you live out the plans that God had already set in place for you as you were being formed in my womb. But I was too consumed by the lies around me and I believed this was best for both of us. My heart ached in silence for years over the choice I made and my very being longed to see you grow into the life God had planned for you. I would cry when no one was around, longing to go back before that day I walked into the clinic. Even though I’ve never seen your face nor heard your voice, you have always been apart of me.The voice I long to hear today, is the voice I silenced...I'm so very sorry.

For years I tried to avoid your memory but today I'm embracing it. I’m thankful that I wasn’t turned away when I came to God with this awful sin of abortion and repented. I remember the day I finally acknowledged your existence. It was then God gently removed the scales from my eyes, allowing me to see your precious face as He spoke these words to me “Go ahead and hold him. I want you to see him the way I see him. You need to love him the way I love him…now hold him.”

For the first time Christian, I held you in my heart and it felt so wonderful. So perfect.

I John 3:19-20 This then is how we know that we belong to the truth, and how we set our hearts at rest in his presence whenever our hearts condemn us. For God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything.

Father God,
 I pray for the those who still see the abortion instead of the child(ren) and that their eyes will be opened so they can live in the forgiveness You long for them to have. Father, we ask for hearts to be changed, to see the destruction that is taking place in our nation.

Holy Spirit, we know it is Your presence that will bring those who are hiding to the saving grace of Jesus Christ. Please see that our hearts long for the day when we will embrace our children and not destroy them.

O Lord, look among your people see those who are faithful to this calling and bless them.
In the Mighty Name of Jesus, Amen!

Inspiration 365 Days a Year | Inspriation 365 Day a Year Movie

Inspiration 365 Days a Year | Inspriation 365 Day a Year Movie



Reading these quotes, reminded me of my mother's wisdom as she lead me down the road called "Life." (smile)

Mom would say:
"If the farmer can get the milk free from the cow, he isn't gonna buy it!"
"Well honey, if their talking about you, then they're leaving everyone else alone."