The Spoon...

I have the opportunity every month to write for Women Walking with Jesus, here's one of things my mother taught me...
http://lisashawcares.com/the-spoon/

It's here...

I've always been talker, but to place my words on paper, I thought you've got to be kidding...Lord. But He wasn't. Over seven years ago, He led me to the world of blogging where He wanted me to share my story (God's story) with whoever would read. No more hiding from my bad choices, selfish desires or pity-parties I would have from time to time.

Well, a new season has begun and He's asked me to step it up a notch. So, click on Women Walking with Jesus, come along and see how Jesus works it all out... every step, every trial, and every blessing.

A New Thing...

Isaiah 43:19 (NLT)
For I am about to do something new.
    See, I have already begun! Do you not see it?

 

Isn’t it exciting how God is always working in our lives. Even before we are aware of it. To think that girl who lived her life with lustful desires would one day be writing about Jesus…really? Yes, really.

Here’s how this ‘new’ thing that I have the privilege to be a part of got started. I meet Lisa Shaw over seven years ago through my blog and we immediately became sisters in Christ. Within a few months, my family made planned to take a vacation and to my surprise it lead to her neck of the woods. I was wonderfully treated as her guest for a day during our vacation and as the saying goes…history was made.

Throughout the years, I’ve grown to love and respect her as a woman of God. So when she asked me to join her and 12 other women each month on her site to share stories about real life, encouragement and our heart as Women walking with Jesus, I just had to say “yes!” So, I hope you’ll stop by every month to read, be blessed and begin your own journey of walking with Jesus.

 

 

Running to His Mercy Seat...

Her testimony led me to His Mercy seat...
She spoke with no shame. Her voice was calm as she made this confession… “I’ve had an abortion, and not one but four. I’m no longer ashamed. I’m forgiven and Jesus Christ changed my life.”

She stood there with confidence, as she continued on with her testimony behind the pulpit at my church over 10 years ago. It was her story I needed to hear, yet the voice in my head was shouting… “you must never let anyone know what happened on November 12, 1989, for if you do, you’ll be known as a “murder!” But then there was this other voice… softer, sweeter, tugging at my heart proclaiming “if you confess THIS secret and BELIEVE you are forgiven… ALL will be new again.”

It seemed like a lifetime ago, when words of confession flowed from this woman's mouth, it was living water to me. I’m thankful that our pastor gave her a platform to share the Truth of God, His Forgiveness and Grace to those of us who were running from the Mercy seat because of our abortion(s).

I’ve come a long way since that day… the day when the enemy tried to keep my “secret sin” a secret. Today, I proclaim God’s mercy toward my abortion with no shame and living in His forgiveness. God has given me many opportunities since then to share my story (God’s Story) and to help other women find healing on the road to His forgiveness.

On Sunday, January 19, 2014 we will have an opportunity to speak out for the Sanctity of Human Life. I believe God wants us to speak the truth. His truth can be spoken with compassion and conviction. Jesus did…with the woman at the well. On Sanctity of Human Life Sunday some churches will do all they can to bring awareness of how abortion has and is affecting us in our churches, communities and our country. While others will skim the surface hoping not to bring to much attention to a very controversial and political issue and I’m sad to say, there will even be churches that won’t mention “it” at all.

Revelation 12:11 (NIV) They overcame him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony;

 

The Real Me

Truth led her to the Water…

“If you want to know the truth, go ask Tammy.” Yep, that’s what Mom would say because she knew I didn’t beat around the bush. It’s how God made me. Maybe that’s why it’s easy for me to speak truth into the lives of those who are hurting and struggling with life. To bring freedom from the grip of Satan’s lies.

 As we’ve learned in Chapter 8 of A Confident Heart by Renee Swope, God gives us different characteristics and spiritual gifts to make up the body of Christ. I’ve taken the test and here are the results: Choleric/ Sanguine   Spiritual gifts: Prophecy, Teaching and Exhortation.

If you have a few more minutes, I’d like to share a story of what happened when I allowed God to use…The Real Me

Sitting across from me in the Spring of 2011, I could see she was unsure about sharing her story (maybe for the first time) the reasons why she chose to abort the child within her. But she really didn’t need to mummer a word, her body language said it all… Shame. Angry. Guilt. Along with an emptiness that had taken residence in her heart.  The voice struggled to cry out. It wanted to take back all she had done but the past was now to be her future.

As her story started to unfold, her body began to relax and there in her eyes I saw a glimmer of hope... God was with us. She told me she had grown up religious but it wasn’t apart of her life today. Yet, she was willing to let me come along side of her to help with this pain that she was experiencing. A pain the world told her wouldn’t exist if she was to have this “procedure.”

 I knew this wasn’t going to be easy. Why? Well, it never is when you have to speak truth into  someone’s life who is blinded by darkness. Darkness has a clever way of making us think we are deserving of wants. It convinces us that life is all about us. I guess you could say its real name is…Pride.  Yes, pride, I knew it all to well. It had destroyed a life within me many years ago and it continued to steal the relationships around me for years to come. So, I knew where she was coming from, where she was and where she was going.

Our relationship grew as the weeks passed through this journey of healing and restoration. We shared, we laughed, we cried, yet I knew she wouldn’t be able to live in the present, until she trusted God. Believed in His Truth. I had asked her several times if she wanted to receive the gift of salvation and each time she would declined the wall grew a little stronger. Then on our fifth meeting the LORD whispered to me “ Tammy, lay out the truth boldly and I’ll do the rest.”   

Yep, you guessed it! She declined and went home. I thought did I hear God or was it my own hopeful desire to lead her to the living water. It wasn’t until our next meeting, she told me she’d been having a hard time swallowing some of the truth that was said to her, but she decided to seek God during the week and she found Him!

Its been two years since the day of her salvation, when Truth spoke into her life and believe me, she is on fire for God!

One thing I try to do is stay connected with the women I’ve worked with either through Facebook, email or texting. Many times my heart has been blessed to see the growth they’ve made, so when Kim invited me to her baptism on November 17, 2013 my heart was filled with a sense of thankfulness. Without hesitation, she stood in front of the congregation and told her testimony. A testimony that many of us are still ashamed to utter a word but not her. By her revealing the “secret” (her daughter) Bella’s life would be validated and Kim’s baptism was now the finally statement to…I belong to Christ Jesus.

Oh, one last thing. As we were all singing and worshiping before the baptism, God spoke these words to my heart... “Tell Kim that her daughter didn’t die in vain.”  Now, I don’t get these orders from God very often but when I told Kim, her eyes filled with tears, and I believed, she knew what God meant.

 My friends…it was a bittersweet moment.

#perfectlove… was waiting for me in my bathroom.

He notices and cares enough to tell us that our hearts need repair. He won’t leave a notice on our front door, but He did leave Himself as a love letter nailed to the Cross of Calvary, declaring the depth of His perfect love. (Renee Swope, A Confident Heart)

 

#perfectlove… was waiting for me in my bathroom.

This night was no different then any other night. Taking off our makeup (which we hated doing) was a little time consuming, but time well spent together. I loved the fact that spending time with Sydney (my daughter) no matter what we did or where we were was always blessing to me. During our “ face washing marathon” you would find us sometimes laughing, make faces in the mirror or talking about life’s struggles.

 Soon our time had come to an end as Sydney patted her face dry and she checked herself in the mirror for one last time before exiting the bathroom. Yet there I was, left standing, finishing up the final touches of moisturizer around the eyes.

 Before Sydney enter her bedroom, I heard her stop died in her tracks, and softly whispered “Mommy, I love you so very much…Goodnight!”

 I had heard those words before, but this night was different. This night those words took my breath away. Words spoken of a #perfectlove that only God could give. As she closed the door behind her, I heard another voice deep within my soul. It was gentle but a sound voice, saying… Tammy, now that’s what forgiveness feels like.

 I started wrestling with the words that I had just encountered. But God…

How could she love me so much after years of throwing angry words at her? What about the times she wanted to be held, but all I could do was push her to the side? Do You remember the time I left her and her dad? Where was the love of her mother then, when she so needed me?

 But God…

He knew about all those questions. We had dealt with them years ago, when I finally stopped manipulating the truth of my abortion. Because of my abortion all of my guilt, bitterness, shame and angry had been hurl towards my daughter. I thought…if I wasn’t worthy enough to love the child that I had aborted, how could I possible be worthy of Sydney’s love. Pushing her away was the answer. Making her hate me…isn’t that what I deserved?

 

But today, He wanted me to believe that all was forgiven. That our relationship was restored and to receive the #perfectlove only He could place in Sydney’s heart towards me. The words that came from my daughter’s lips, God brought forth, to fill my soul and quench the longing of knowing…she has forgiven me.

 

#perfectlove waits patiently for you to make the journey to the “well” of total surrender. 

#SayWhat

I want you to share. But LORD, I don’t think they will understand unless they’ve been there. Well, many have, but they think too that no one will understand,  that’s why I want you to share.

I had decided to forgo participating in the Blog Hop this week until the conversation above took place during my workout at the gym this morning. I have to say, God at times, picks the strangest places to have a conversation with you. So, here is what He wanted me to share…

Along life’s journey, I’ve been asked the question of how many children do I have and the answer has always been two. But this particular evening, about three years ago, as I was standing with my friend and her mother (which I just meet) in the lobby of a church when the “question” came. With a little bit of hesitation I answered “ I have two children.” Immediately, I heard the Holy Spirit clear His throat saying, “You don’t have two children but three. Go ahead and tell her the truth.”  #SayWhat! “There is no way she is going to understand, if I tell her the truth!” was my comeback. “She doesn’t have too, but you need to acknowledge your child. Go ahead, I AM with you.”

I didn’t understand and I was scared to death but I stopped in the middle of the sentence and said “ Well, that not true. You see, I have three children, a son 28, a daughter 17 and a one who died ( her response was… “Oooh” before I could get to the end of my sentence) because I chose to have an abortion that I totally regret now. I could see in her eyes she was trying to comprehend it, so I continued “I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable, but I can’t deny my child’s existence anymore, I hope you understand?” With a half smile on her face, she said “Well, I’m sure at the time you didn’t know what to do?.” With a half smile on my face I left it at that.

We ended the night with a hug along with “It was nice meeting you and have a safe trip home.”

 

Walking back to my car I was still confused with why I had to go there, yet I was relieved knowing I didn’t have to hide him (my child) anymore. On the way home, God let me know that it was important not to ignore my child’s life because you see, my friend, she had just finished going through the post-abortion bible study with me as her mentor. She knew my story and she had learned how important it was to be honest about our abortion(s) because if we don’t shame has a way of creeping back into our lives.

It wasn’t easy that night and when I share “my” next step in this testimony of mine with women who I have the privilege to mentor, they say... “I don’t think I will ever be able to be that opened about my abortion(s).” And I gently reply “All I can say is if He speaks to your heart in this area say #YesToGod.”