Thursday, July 31, 2008

What a Surprise!



What a surprise! I have been nominated by my blogger friend, Dawn at Running My Race, blog site http://www.dawnward.net/ for the following award: Brillante Weblog Award

Here are the rules for receiving for this award:
1) Put the logo on your blog
2) Add a link to the person who awarded you.
3) Nominate at least 7 other blogs.
4) Add links to those blogs on yours.
5) Leave a message for your nominees on their blogs or email them

So,I have made my decision...drum roll please. The 7 choices who will be receiving this award are:
Lelia at WRITE FROM THE HEART: Lelia's heart is all about Jesus.
Pamela at Pinkshoe Lady: My friend in Jesus,who I meet at SheSpeaks 07. Her writing is fun to read and thought-provoking.
Kelly at Wonder Woman Wonders...by Chatty Kelly: She will stirs your heart to stay connected with God.
Bonnie at anencouragersheart: She's a friend of mine and new to the whole blogging thing but her writing will encourage you and assures you that God is always near.
Nancy at http://www.oliveleafministries.blogspot.com : She has a wonderful video devotion every Monday. I know you will be blessed!
Lisa at Lysa Terkeurst: Lisa has inspired me to say "Yes" to God. Check out her blog, she will inspire you too!
If you noticed I only selected 6 for nomination,it's because Dawn would have been my seventh choice,her writing displays the desire to help women from the inside-out... In His Image.

Thanks, Dawn!

Sunday, July 20, 2008

To tell the truth

To follow this story start with: My Secret Sin 5/08/08

The house was quiet on the morning of October 2007. My husband was off to work and like every morning, I had just returned from dropping our daughter off at the bus stop. I grabbed my cup of coffee, my bible and notes that I had been working on for the last couple of weeks. I was preparing the testimony that I was going to give on Wednesday night to the youth group at our church. As I sat down at the kitchen table to put the final touches to the last part of my story, I was still struggling with one small piece of my heart. My heart felt empty and distance towards my daughter. Every time I tried to hold her, I would be reminded of how I was ever meant to be a mom. Many times, I would hear the voice utter to me “A good mother would desire to have children, to nurture them, not destroy them.” The voice had a way of reminding me “She hates you, for what you have done to her sibling.”

I need to stop here to take you back to about 3 years before that October morning. My husband, my daughter and I had just finished watching the
movie…Tilly(http://www.frankperetti.com/product/261.htm?parentid=1369)
It’s about a woman and her husband who had an abortion in the early years of their marriage. They never spoke about it until, something triggered her to begin to think about their child again and she started to experience Post Abortion Syndrome. (http://www.inourmidst.com/reactions_effects.htm#pas)
Many of you might be thinking why would we watch this movie, how could my 10 year old possible understand this act of abortion. I assure you, she only knew that abortion was not the will of God and it meant a life had been ended. This movie is wonderfully done and speaks of forgiveness.

At the end of the movie we all sat there with various mixed emotions. I will never forget her turning to me and in her soft voice whispered “Mommy, do you know anyone who had an abortion?” After taking a deep breath...I replied “Yes.” Then came the one question I feared the most, once again in her child-like voice she asked “Mommy, did you ever have an abortion?”
At that moment my world stopped. It was like everything else stood still except me. I wasn't sure what to say. I had prayed many times for the opportunity to tell my children but not today, I wasn’t ready. I knew in my heart God was opening the door to my secret sin. He was about to take me one step closer to the place called…trust.
Immediately, my eyes began to fill with tears. I looked over at my husband, as if to say “Should we tell her?”As soon as his eyes meet mine, I know the answer. I reached out and place her hand in mine,while all the time praying in my heart that God would give me the words to help her understand. I wasn’t sure if I could ever help her to comprehend why we made such a choice…but I knew it was time to tell her the truth.

There was someone else who also needed to know the truth and that was my son, from a previous marriage. We had told him at the time of my pregnancy that I had a miscarriage. I knew in my heart in order for me to share my story with others, I had to share the truth with my children.

So,God in his sovereignty after two years of revealing the truth to our daughter, opened the door to uncover my hidden secret with my son. Telling my children was far from being easy but the burden of not talking about my other child was destroying me and my family. For so many years I feared judgement from my children but what I received was forgiveness.

Thursday, July 3, 2008

Yet another nudge

To follow this story start with: My Secret Sin 5/08/08

It had been a year since that awful day in September. The day that Satan put his finally plans into motion. He was out to kill, steal and destroy every area of my daughter’s life and he was using me as the final touch.

It had been a year of praying, of doubtfulness as a Christian leader and pretending I was that ‘got it all together mom’. Even as I continued to struggle in reaching out to my daughter, God continuously reached out to me. He was persistent. He never left me, but directed me to what would later be just another step closer to my secret sin.

My days’ volunteering at the center was causing my heart to be broken, to be filled with compassion. I must confess, at times it seemed hard for me to reach out to women, who just like me, had made the same bad choices. But there I was every week at the center surrounded by the very thing that caused my heart to turn to stone. Week after week I would see the pain and desperation on the faces of the women who came looking for answers.
It seemed like every time I was there, I would be asked to do a pregnancy test for someone waiting to find out the answer to her future. I know now, that God was drawing me to a place of total healing.
I knew that it was where God wanted me. I wasn’t there to make a decision for them on what to do next with the information that they had received. But I was there to share the truth, to share my story with these women.

As I got more comfortable revealing my past to the women at the center, God started to nudge me yet again, to share my story, but this time with a larger audience. He wanted me to share with the teens in our youth group at church. It had been sometime since I had visited the youth group because my daughter, on more then one occasion, made it known that it was her time to be an individual but that night I decided to step over the line. I told her that I just wanted to check it out and promised that I wouldn’t humiliate her. At the end of worship the youth pastor began talking about some of the subjects that would be shared in the upcoming weeks and one of them was on abortion.

Immediately I thought, I know all too well about that subject. Could it be another nudge from God?